how to win it heart

lean in and whisper.  [time it takes to get there] til full permission. no till.

too obscure.  i don’t even get that.  lol.  stop editorializing everything.  oh, reality can’t have an mystery of science/theatre about it?  that proscenium is georgous.  we will see them all again. 3:37 pm

as a negative thought floated through my head, a baby cried in the distance.  it smiled, imagining politically powerful eunuchs through history.  wiki me this, fillmore.  stop trying to diagnose yourself.  stop avoiding others’ diagnosis.  diocese.  of gnosis.  you are an sentient meatbot.  your vibration detecting biofuel pibedal workhorse suit can propel you quite a jaunt if you’re willing to let it.

the closest i can tell to the truth:  i start to get emotional panic attacks, or did, at work, every time there wasn’t something job-related for me to do.  super figety.  by the time i was living off my typing skills alone, i would spend close to forty full hours, with usually loud, frantic music, typing an endless list.  i did a temp job for a large student loan payment processor (industrial usury is my professional specialty.), and by setting my workstation’s screen depth and keyboard shortcutting switching them back & forth, while both appearing fully on the screen (tab-switchable database window & ocr scan from which partial recognition demanded human attention.), i completed 240 entries by the time our supervisor had called us together for a meeting.  i think the next fastest had completed 130.  the opposite side of the born/bred/educated for fascism coin is obedience.  slaviness.  i am a whip cracker.  nobody likes working for or near me, because i viciously advocate for full inclusion of the “most radical” distribution ideas, though it outsources specialty to, well vast swaths of the population.  you have to.  no industry is free from taint.  you must all be reporters on your livelihoods, and you must all demand that we can build/maintain as/for ourselves a system designed to optimize peace health and the actually literally implemented “free market” of ideas, currency, and rule itself.  this jurisdiction by square footage is pointless if ruthless industrialists keep anyone living near the last few resources at gunpoint or in cages for literally any reason.  i worked at a humane society for three days.  you know how i got the dogs to get along?  i put them next to each other, without drama.  they didn’t bark at each other any more after that.  those dogs were being trained for hyper aggro security alarms you jerk, now they’re just licky snuggly meat pillows.  aren’t we all. 3:54 pm.

it’s off, two me, that my historical normative idealism has melded with my inclusionary experience of increasingly diversified audience.  co-audience.  you’re still holding it against people whether they can stand to listen to you.  that’s not fair.  listen or don’t, i can’t deny you any right that i demand for myself.  wouldn’t want to.  i’m not interested in testing the breaking point any further.  i feel pretty much completely shattered.  word, mind, & deed.  bad habits are easy and simple to retrain, and old dogs are actually quite receptive to tricks, new and old, if you maintain firm gentle rapport with them.  TREAT THAT ANIMAL HOW YOU WISH TO BE TREATED.  they speak english for you.  they echo your emotions and you curse them and restrict them with violence the same way you do to your children.  it makes me kind of sick, many times.  humans are the ones that need the training.  each and every one of us.  society has progressed to a point where we could, quite easily, all be much better people.  we could learn how to be much healthier, by being, much healthier, without internal combustion and out in the open.  let the sunshowers reign.  tag it, rate it, comment plus it, meet it author leave it busk tip, designate it, free space can ping, wiki-constitution.  credit given, time respected, living wage minimum, post audit resource/income reflected.  are you rhyming code again.  yes.  i don’t know the lightest toughest programming language yet.  i mean, you have to feed them raw code if they’re to get in on the ground floor.  who is.  all of them.  everyone together?  yep.  in person or online.  yes.  if you got a multiscreen t1 at home, by all means participate from there.  i have a few workstations, but bring those if you have them, too.  digital cameras, video stuff.  i am going to donate all of my worldly posessions to a crowdsourced audit/categorization/sorting algorithm.  made out of flesh and blood.  NEURONS, MACH SPELLS.  settle please, sir.  yes sorry.  i get carried away.  what if we just turn it into a bike.  what if we put electric drive/break wheels on the non-drive wheels and run her full manual hybrid.  i thought you wanted to electrify the controls so she’d be remote controllable, too.  yes, with full-onboard manualization/lock-out.  yes, yes. safety features and redundancy, what else is new?

WELDERS oh cripes.  frame trussing, yo.  partial transparency due to interior projection onto translucent membrane.  just lights or full video of the other side.  it could change depending on who was watching it, and will have onboard kinetic partipant energy-adders to charge it.  yeah, just pedal it for however long the computer says and the energy cost of your at-cost dank shall be covered.  my self-driving houseboat car transformer dragon kite restaurant venue will have every bell and whistle that can be packed into her near original car-size footprint.  she curl up & hide in plane site.

i’d say i’ve been a 9/11 “truther” and many other types of “conspiracy theorist” well before i ever heard those terms or collected those documentaries or read those websites/articles or ripped off that legal education.  that’s debatable.  i’m not the one who determines my salary.  there are no means by which humans near me decide to put resources into me or any of my operations, so they don’t.  there are infinite means.  you’re doing this.  what?  spending every last ounce of political or social capital you were ever given, on truth.  nobody does that.  nobodies DO that.  see, you’re not helping yourself.  and that disallows anyone from contradicting my actions?  talking to someone with whom you can’t win ought be taken as a sign that competitive discussion may itself be the problem.  4:22 pm.

5:47 pm.  if i could get reasons why i can’t be hired by the places who won’t hire me.  it’s auto-quarantine.  if they play tv there, commercial anything really.  eventually i will be overwhelmed by panic attacks.  gender essentialism, it all sends me bolting.  violent movie/tv references.  corporate entertainment media is used regularly as a discussion-killer.  just traumatize everyone like they were traumatized when they first saw it, and you’re golden.  right back to work, everyone.

can you imagine if you could wake up whenever you felt like it, which would build the schedule for your day based on what was needed or being done, or what you felt like doing.  you can’t code anarchism from a crapitulo-fascist mindset.  if you’re still forced to survive within usury competitivism, you are also a capitalist.  it’s all sliders.  everything is not just a bit of everything it interacts with, it is a bit of everything that is.  we must accept that part of ourselves which we had been previously trained to disrespect/ostracize/shame/judge/doubt.  it has a place, and for it to be for the common good, it has to be in the open.  the common good requires common oversight.  yes, i’m talking about a government “job” to use the ancient stupid slave term, which thanks you for asking for a dose of your medicine, and watches/uses your changed presence as it sees fit.  do this thing in the open that others may learn how it affects you.  some may follow suit.  some may anti-follow.  everyone will learn.  what is it you have against learning, anyway?  always wanting to throttle discussion, bandwidth, and keep usage temporary, movable, and commodifiable/fungible.  what about that which has no reason to ever be sold?  the construction of this state of permaculture will give every crewperson aboard mother gaia the helixing suncatcher the right to occupy any and every spot their presence is deemed helpful.  yes data should be a human right.  yes people should be fed/housed as a matter of course.  yes training in every discipline should be rolling/ongoing/free.  with the advancement of materials science, we are well on the road to personal flying cars from birth.  roads?  those abominations we busted up and turnt into razed beds for wheelchair access?  that wood not used in survival infrastructure shall be hugelcultured.  stop combusting your planet.  please.  the warmth you wish to achieve is available from time-stretching source itself.  like a trombe wall?  exactly.  it rolls itself to the sunny parts.  hold that temperature.

6:04 pm.  did we even google electric bike wheels/hubs today?  not yet.  should we have used the kitchen?  i don’t see how we could have.  it was empty.  they see their role as overseer.  they do not see it as problematic.  you can’t make those choices for an entire society.  it’s what the alpha does.  the most calm, assertive writer does whatever the person holding their survival over them says.  those of independent/indominable survival instinct get what they pay for. and or, can handle. 6:15 pm.

7:14 pm.  glanced through the paperwork.  i have both state and federal welfare in the works here.  food “stamps” and disability.  that magic green credit card that only works on food.  are we going to spend our last two dollars on beer.  hell yes.  great.  we have ten days to do the foodshare six month review thing (no changes, no changes, no changes), and the phone interview is on friday.  it will last at least an hour.  (no changes, no changes, no changes) except that it feels more like ptsd now than depression, if i do say so myself.  your amateur opinion doesn’t really matter.  i know.  seriously, of all the things that i know, that my opinion doesn’t matter, is primary.  sometimes, people cosign my beliefs.  or, tiny segments of them.  you’d be surprised how much of an actual anarchist the average american citizen actually was if they weren’t under constant threat of violence.

the foodshare thing is done.  it’s rare that i can use that as an avoidance tactic.  those are all i have.  literally, have you ever seen me build something useful?  say something creative or kind?  none of those things will get you money, let alone hired.  i’d say i’m not looking to get hired, but i am.  nothing i say makes sense, because sense cannot be made, it’s something that must be sensed.

the house slipstreams updates into the installer.  you can get a cd printed of it, if you like wasting media.  any networkable or usb-capable drive can load the latest freshest images of all your favorite operating systems.  why don’t we just put ubuntu on everything?  i like puppy.  you don’t have to write changes to the drive if you made them in the cloud in the first place.  there will be nondestructive text editors.  script everything.  god will be the function that sorts it out.

~ by LazyAssWasteoid on 2015-02-25 (Wednesday).

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