so fucking sick.
12:27 pm, January 7th.
I told god to take me in my sleep, but that fucker didn’t have the balls!
seriously, you guys, i’m really really sick. or have been. I am recovering, mostly.
I smell much worse than I thought, but that’s ok.
this coffee is good.
this has become a writing session without internet. let’s see what’s happened.
well, I spent the new year’s eve and most of new year’s day driving erv, down I-39, I-55, and highway 51. we went out on a rainy night, and missed our trolley back. as if the trip down hadn’t been brutal enough. this happens to me a lot, it seems. or, it happened once before, in milwaukee. walking really really far when that wasn’t necessary. maybe it was. maybe that’s not what made me sick. this sick was like, uncanny brutal. like all the sick of the last few years which I didn’t have time or home to deal with. hacking loudly in the night, cold sweats. fuck. it hurts. still, it still hurts. I think my back is sore from a non-supportive mattress, [waitress asks if i’d like more coffee, then takes my cup.??) one can only assume infinite refills. I don’t think I need that much coffee today. where the fuck was I. oh yeah] but the constant headaches? I don’t get. partial bottle flu, sure. weakened immune system.
we did some stuff here, already. wandered through the cemetary. saw the art museum, on its free day. took a streetcar. public transport is great. I got dirt up and running, too. yeah, erv blows an alternator, leaving us to a night in a wal-mart parking lot, and dirt pops a brand new tube in the bike shop right as they were closing. I was already feeling pretty bad by the time all that went down, and it is still winter, despite being further south. rainy season. sun for a day, then more rain. combine that with my cold sweats, and ow.
I need to get outside. i’ll catch up with you later. peace.
12:38 pm. Friday, one eleven twenty thirteen. cc’s Community Coffee House. “Voted South Louisiana’s Favorite Coffeehouse.” I have my second cup of coffee here. I haven’t started it yet. I added sugar this time. the refill was free. straight up, free. I left a dollar tip. this is an office proper. ’bout time.
I am the right seat/table of a full-wall booth. another person sits at the opposite end. I wonder if she feels my twitching, or will so the grindcore dancing that’s soon to be here. no doubt. 12:41 pm
I don’t think it matters. neither that we got booted, nor why. I have theories. I giggle at them. I am going to have to leave this place, eventually. aren’t I? yeah, you probably should. go for a bike ride. I like that tallest building idea.
heading out. 3:11 pm
back. 12:07 pm, saturday the 12th. back at cc’s community coffeehouse. I should busk.
I think things are going well. so far, so good.
the trick, if it is that. if it is a shortcut, it’s a different one than I mentioned earlier. the trick is to keep breathing. no. different trick. I know things that happen in life, in our reality tunnel, create stress in us. if you can witness the emotion in yourself, without reacting to it. you are not required to start yelling. I get that it hurts. I can see that in your face. I feel it directly from your heart. that’s another trick. yes, you completely have the capability. it’s a double-edged sword, as matter-of-fact metaphors go. let’s write about new orleans. ok.
we started out plugged in at a friend of a friend’s driveway. now, erv sits in the shadow of the convent, being shook by drunken jerks at night, probably the low-light. he called it a poor-person camper. ok, I cop to all. please let me sleep. do I shake your hotel or your vehicle while you’re trying to sleep? no, I do not.
there is a spot, on the very south edge of the french quarter, where you can see the downtown skyline, and a large bridge. it is a very moist cool, which shifts to heat quickly. pigeons said hello, gulls soar on the breeze, and I saw a pelican this morning. it was utterly majestic. he was referencing me, or she was. I did not see any quick movements. a few weight shifts, but a stoic glide, it was. from the train yard all along the trail at the edge of the water. that bird soared for thirty seconds with barely an adjustment. maths, yo. if you don’t think animals understand waves and water and gasseous interactions, you don’t pay very close attention to animals. to top it off, it dipped into the fog and disappeared from view. very majestic bird.
my grandma’s very sick. or, seems to be dying. I sent my mom a few texts. I cried alone in the rain, with twitter. you can’t tell me twitter isn’t real people, or that I shouldn’t consider it socialization, because it is. it’s akin to how you socialize with humans in the same room who you don’t make eye contact with, but they’re there. you’re there. you see each others movements.
did I used to be one of these drunks? you still are. I know. it’s ok. it’s really ok. I stay close to home.
I am a regular in places. I am quiet and contempletive. I do not stay and listen to harsh words for very long. I wish you luck, and I am happy that our paths crossed. letting a mean dysfunction addict tell you what to do and make you go places you don’t want to go is not worth the pain. I guess it depends on how well that person relieves pain. don’t let them get away with demanding a “right” to cause/inflict pain in the first place, however. most abusive couples do it to each other. the dominant makes sure of this. I don’t know how to back out of that kind of arrangement. …1:23 pm. you don’t back out of any agreements, especially those. arrangements. those are the teaching moments. people. relationships. the teaching relationships.
from where I sit, the window acress the street says WHOLESALE FRAMING SINCE 1976 FINE ART, which is cool. there is a graveyard cat painting and the cat has a mean-looking snake around it, and it says VOODOO CAT. there’s a smiling sun with an up-turned nose, too. lounging frogs. praying angels in the window and on the balcony above.
the kindred spirits I have met here are too numerous to count. I met puppies, birds, and I put a baby salamander on the baby mouse’s hood ornament perch. rain. sweat. camo hat bros with what looked like silver bullets. I played some good musics on the abbey jukebox. I tweeted some stuffs. I have a phone full of great pictures, a heart full of love. hehehehe. packers fans.
all is. love.