yah the heeeems track. soup boys. i’m high as space, dog. lol. on and on. til the brake of dawn. i’mma trynna show deez peeple what kind permaculture can get grown.
you’re just ranting again. disconbobulatedly, I might add. a dog is barking. hey buddeh. what’s up? he stopped. das good puppy. i’m giving him etheric ear scritches.
this office has less of a view at night. shortly after waking up, we go to work. we get home from work, to do more work. soon, we will sleep, then awake to do, more work. I work in mysterious ways. what if we considered sleeping work? without a restful sleep, people become irritable and contrarian. or, they can. so, we require them to be well-rested. we obligate them to feed themselves healthfully. maintain your meat, bot. when we need it, we need it. part of your job is your maintenance. that is how we will transition through the monetary localization. focalization. slope-flattr-rock-liquification. are you building pyramids again? yes.
I am full of sweets. seriously, I only ate sugar today. and, coffee. 10:01 pm. are you trying to prove a point? what? fucktard just said no to his mother’s invitation to thanksgiving. stop calling me that. I got a bad vibe from her offer. a text, a few minutes to ten. mom, you annoy me like only you can. your religions are all cruel crocks of shit. I believe in kindness and peace and the feeding of everyone EVERY SINGLE DAY OF EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
12:12 AM. twenty first. I saved a big batch of my tweets. re-read. got the whole harvest in a file. I am kind of a spazzy paranoid homeless retard. no shit. i’m cascading towards usefulness. are you, now. yes, yes I am. writing is highly useful. is it? stop second-guessing everything. ok. but it is, yes. ok. are we going to sleep? I suspect. sleep well then. ok, I shall. thanks.
11:53 am. fierce morning wood a few hours ago. yeah, it had someone’s name on it. no, she isn’t interested. full-on fantasy. oh, that is a mixed blessing. being hella horny when you have no good place to rub one out is not really fun. good day to walk around in the cold. do we have anything to do? we never have anything to do. we keep it that way, on purpose. that way, if any of our little girlfriends ever want to run away, we’re ready. you’re not ready. you’re not ready to leave yourself. you don’t know why you’re here, and you don’t know why you’d go anywhere else, other than to stay warm. ok. so yell at me for being disabled. you are that, aren’t you. at the moment, it appears that I am. ready to cry? heh. why do you mock my pain? i’m not mocking it, merely pointing it out. that’s what you get for falling in love with people decades younger than yourself. I didn’t pick my age. lord knows i’ve barely found any camaraderie in those of similar age. what if we took the film camera? what does that have to do with anything? i’m looking for something positive to do, today. you are here. you may as well do something useful. don’t go spending $150 on a pocket computer. but it’s on sale! stop. why don’t you talk to her? library, coupon, flirting. that pocket computer has an mp3 player. we could start making dance videos again. smoke some weed. this too, shall pass. i’m sick of marijuanaing away all my crushes. well, the world doesn’t need ’em. how do you know what the world needs? ok, I don’t need ’em. ok, think about that for a second. ok, yes. the lovely ladies of this town are pretty much the reason i’m here. what, like still in stevens point, or on planet earth. yes. that’s stupid dramatic. yes, I am. library, hospital for cash, then radio shack and the consignment store. what? that old lady is hella cute. bottom line is, fire up a oneie and put the boots to the pavement. send love to all of them. all, of them? yes. sending love now.
what the hell. ok, so after that, I went on imaginator overload.
may I take you? yes. got a coat? ok. he took her by the hand, gently leading and lifting, carrying, cradling, hugging. deftly opening the passenger door, and placing her little body gently on the seat. she giggled. where are we going? a good place to fuck. lol. fuck, seriously? of course seriously, in the bedroom, right up there. take a look. you have shades on the windows. park anywhere. as a matter of fact,[grabs shoulder, tugs gently] just leave it here.
the extended version: want to go for a ride? he steps aside, her eyes focus on erv, parked in the driveway. that piece of juunk is yours? why, you want it? hmm. her, actually. her name is erv. where would we go, you, me, and erv? *waves* hi, erv. *giggle* I dunno. I got foodstamps, we could go get state food from a store. i’d rather find a good place to fuck. whatever, you wanna visit any of your girlfriends, or mine? did you say a good place to fuck? yeah, make love, bump uglies, whatever. that’s a horrible phrase, i’m sorry. you don’t have to decide now. hehe. right. ok. and visit girlfriends? you are dirty. fucking you was a big mistake. you’re gonna make it again, aren’t ya? well, yeah, probably. you have a mobile sex room now. hehehehe. erv likes being called that. erv, go pull behind that warehouse. whoa. you are a nimble little truck-house. [begins rubbing erv’s dashboard] tyler, I am going to have a threesome with you and your house. ok. be gentle. lol. ok, I will. *pecks cheek*
that’s the whole script. the other one went like this:
tyler, take the upper bunk if you still want to sleep. we want to make breakfast. I have a vicious morning wood. ah. [X] will take care of it. I love cum. it’s true, she does. do I get a say in this. oh please. we’ll be back in an hour. clean up after yourselves. click
oh, that’s terrible. how? why? it’s not the first sex fantasy with you i’ve put on the internet. oh you, yes. perhaps. no, I mentioned something about nudity at nottingham. I couldn’t even see. didn’t have my glasses on. stood there naked. I had glimpsed her earlier. totally fuckable. i’m sorry I think in those terms. sometimes. how fucking obnoxious, I said to myself. yeah, you are. what, for writing erotic scenes, or being honest about who they’re about.
I don’t have any other way to talk to you, but i’ve been fantasizing about you lately, and I wanted you to know I am available, if you are interested, in sharing time, space, warmth. you make me feel snuggly. anyway, I thought this:
want to hang out again? emy j’s? or somewhere else. my place is a little chilly, but if you’d like to hang out with me there, it’d probably give me an excuse to clean up and rearrange some stuff. I will gladly teach you anything I know. anything, huh? you know, within reason. I get the impression you want to skip a few steps. sixty-nine? sure. acrobatics, or cooperative design. in here, it’s going to be slow-moving, and close quarters. on a big bed, different story. you know how to move, i’ve seen it. can I sleep here. absolutely. can we sleep naked together? i’d like that. good. can you come sit on my lap now. can you touch me while i’m working? what if I want you to touch me while I’m working. that’s fine. can I take your pants down and stick this hardon in you now? stick? may I continue gently massaging your beautiful flesh from the inside. ohh, yesss pleeaassse.
don’t quote that. I am racking my brain. who else wants an orgasm tale written about them?
I have three layers of love on my lower half. presence, center’d. black string with a little d-tag, reminder of the dining room proposition. this is a fixation. this mindset. only if it keeps you from doing anything else. have we passed that point? I don’t know. what is the next thing that will happen to us? whatever we make happen. I am not experienced in initiating these things. yes you are. it is a matter of revealing it. to whom must I reveal? to all.
I feel like a nap. are we doing any of this today? yeah, probably. it’s almost, nope it’s 3:00 pm. good. the erection may have finally dissipated, in exchange for an immediate need to urinate. surprisingly, it’s more comfortable. oh, I know lots about blue balls. my experience is one of “inappropriate” erections. what am I supposed to do? I wait. eventually, she will talk it down. that’s how it usually works. she says mean, death, doubtful things, and I lose interest. it is a good quality in a friend, to be able to remove one’s unrequited hornyness. that’s still kind of crass. I know. are we gonna go pee? I suppose. should fill some water bottles, eh? birds chirp. hi birds. thanks, birds. 😀
it’s 6:02 pm. it was 5:55 when I booted up. guu’s. fries, pbr. 23 videos, maybe 24. forgot the power cord. I carried this laptop all over point, and forgot the brick. ah.
do you have a partner? would you like one?
I would venture to say that bars of today are analogous to inns. except that you can’t sleep there. america, you really don’t care about your homeless, do you. or, you enslave them. treat them as lesser beings. like job havers. what? nothing. I miss having a job. I miss a schedule. I could give myself a schedule, couldn’t I. I choose not to.
I gotta get up earlier for coffee drinking hours. there’s overlap, with the beering hours. such as this moment, actually.
12:42 pm, thanksgiving. holidays annoy me. everything annoys you. I know. and I annoy everyone. not all the time. only when you’re talking, or blogging like a jerk. we got a hug, and then got shunfully disregarded in a room full of people. hey, with friends like this, who needs family?
got an extension usb cable from that super-cheap webcam we never used. any computer upgrading is beyond our capabilities. you pathetic retard, I hate you. you ruin my life daily. great. dictator’s offing personalities again. can we for once sit in a room and have the conversation not be about buying shit or sports or violent crimes, muggings, or other death and/or injury-related topics? why does every single discussion have to be about how fucking shitty life is? apologies to those who enjoy anal play. these analogies are still in me.
so, local gangs run all this shit. always have. will subjugate the terrifiedest, to financial advantage. job creators, is what the news will call these people. but then again, if you’re still using the vernacular and topic-choice of the “local” “news,” you’re a deluded, abusive, downer-of-a-person. takes one to know one. hmm. well put.
relentless in her terror.
how must I prepare myself, mentally, physically, or otherwise, to go.
- have a place to go
- have a task to do
- have a team
- pack posessions.
- say goodbye.
so, you’re just going to haul around all this crap? that was an overview. yeah, probably a storage run.
another fucking scene got in my head. great. well, type it up.
it finished packing. took all of five minutes. ten minutes means a half-hour. multiple destinations, right outside of town, then a haul into the past abyss. they were all long shots, alone. this last task will put a smile on our face, if nothing else. that’s more significant than you can imagine.
texted warning/request. affirmative response. quick, happy. told you she was perfect. whatever. pulls erv up across the street, in the spot where we’d dropped her from work, with plans to have another commute of equal bliss, first thing in the morning. this is not the first time i’ve fallen in love with someone I work with, nor will it be the last. hey. i’m here to say goodbye and pick up my kim chi. got room for one more? you should give me a hug or pinch me to make sure i’m not dreaming right now. she pounced. i’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.
I would say i’m sorry for loving you, as I do. or, for imagining us getting naked and pleasuring one another, as I have. except that I don’t feel bad for it. no guilt. for those of you wondering, whether I have imagined us getting’ frisky, I probably haven’t. prince albert, is it? the piercing. chain it down. I don’t want to wear a chastity belt. you don’t need one. honestly, you pathetic little retard, you are less sexual than most people. less social, less human. oh, ok. any particular reason you’re telling me this, now? nah. you don’t think I know? you’re like an anti-pervert. you are the fetish. wonderful. want to make me feel more isolated than a completely isolated person can feel? no, it’s the insult to injury. we like adding these things. probably going to get yelled at later for being rude and leaving. way to plan the reality tunnel of pure hell, dipshit. do you not have anything positive to say? the camera is half-charged after 20 minutes. super. more videos of ducks, then? are you suggesting we dance? are you a fucking dancer, or a knick-knack factory. why can’t I be both. ok, yeah, go art up some uselessness. what would be useful? permaculture. erv. erv is a permaculture vehicle, is she not? she is. 1:23 pm
chin up, buttercup. people have to read these words, just as much as you have to write them. she’s right, that emotional outburst is typical of you. how much abuse must I take? that’s not abuse, you crybaby. your leaving permanently is more abusive. what am I to do? if I knew, i’d tell you. thanks, that’s useful. let’s take a book and a notebook to the coffee shop. it may not even be open. do we need coffee? I thought we were getting off of that. oh, this is a plan now? we gotta be able to wake up without resource-dependent drugs. that’s a tall order. that’s like asking for a full audit from the commons. the commons thinks I should get a job. it’s sixty-seven in here. the wind rustles the un-fixed duct tape from the time I had to crawl in. you never fixed that? nope. too much self-loathing to take care of. whoa. no human should get near you, ever. I know. they don’t. I provide them sufficient warning. you have lost the will to live, haven’t you. not exactly.
the battery-level indicator jumped from a little over half-charge to full. 1:32 pm.
the sky is calling. do we have any more writing to do? probably. are we bringing the backpack gear? nah. so, the video camera, and we hit a bar, sweaty and smelly. good plan, huh? you suck. I thought we quit using that expression. yes, about other people. having to put up with you, moment-by-moment, is akin to being face-banged against your will. eew. that’s gross. don’t you have teeth? what the fuck. that expression is retarded. seriously, stop using it.
ok, so the camera’s fully charged, and we’ve eaten nothing but cookies today. have a carrot. have some kim chi. both, excellent ideas. what if I ate a pickled carrot? beautiful. 1:37 pm
computer? no, this is a water and camera hike. maybe some cookies. ok. booting up. 2:16 pm
everything is a sell-out. I am drunk. it’s 9:03 pm, and for thanksgiving, I have eaten dumpster cookies, a third of a jar of kim chi, bar peanuts, and laundromat water. yuh huh. you keep thinking this fucktard can’t get any more pathetic, and I keep livin’ my “life.” what do you want from me? the things that will get me to move are a very short list. oh, i’m honored.
I got a lot of video of the sky tonight. it was very pretty. the video doesn’t even capture what I saw. I tweeted about it being a tradition, too. it is. I have thanksgiving day pictures of new haven, madison, and now stevens point. that is a strange hobby. I know. it’s only painful if you go places where they got tv’s playing. otherwise, it just feels like every other day. not that tvs playing don’t make you feel like shit, regardless of day. you do that whether you have tv or not. I know. are we becoming a beer drinker again? apparently. fuck. that’s expensive. I thought we were going to use this cash to keep warm. what are you talking about, bar-drunking ~is~ keeping warm. puh-shaww. more patheticer, by the day, by the minute. what is wrong with you, and why do you torture us like this? torture? this is fun. are we not saving money? yeah, until you drink it. well. well nothing. I had nothing more to add.
I cry for commercials, the first time I see them. it’s frightfully pathtic. people get all shifty. someone inevitably gets up and leaves. not all commercials, but the ones that tug on your heart-strings. they get me. I feel completely helpless, crying in public, to mass media. people practice telling people off to one another, while i’m there. hey, here’s someone we can actually make cry. way fun. americans. drunks. I have $40 left. I would rather sleep. and, save that money for coffee. so, that’s tomorrow? shower then coffee shopping. it ~is~ black friday. ugh, how has that expression made its way into the vernacular? duh. tv. the great universalizer. who else saw jeopardy tonight?
I missed the first game, but I caught the end of the ‘skins/cowboys game. and the first bit of the jets/pats. oh tv, you are so sporting. sporty. rookie qb got the maddenless madden reward. oh, fox. you so racist. lol. lemmy gitta lil a that four my cadillac.
don’t start drinking again. too late. no, just not tonight. no, right. we’re agreeing with you. statements of agreement that begin with no. how ironical. thanksgiving didn’t start until the ’40s? and it was intended to help retailers’ holiday sales? looool. that’s a good buzz. green bean casserole? money. cranberry sauce? money. nah, I ain’t eat none of it. I may. nobody knows how to leave leftovers for me. fuck it. I got my dumpster cookies. and organic carrots. I must be choosing not to do well, then. you’re still pretending I don’t exist, tho. you don’t exist, retard. oh yeah. technically, I affect neither the economy, nor the body politic.
I am a panicky mess. freezing, hungry, alone. extracting myself from these brain loops is hurty. one foot in front of the other, grasshopper. i’m going to cry again. that’s ok.