it’s 11:28 am on sunday, september 23rd, 2012. I am sitting with my second cup of coffee at emy j’s.
fb status, attempt 1:
hi, non-responsive useless. a bunch of money is being thrown at “the problem” and it will be heading to warmer clim’es. nothing for me here, says ur silence. rescinded offers, zero follow-through. thanks for making me feel exploited. yeah. vote for everyone else, because war means jobs. quit being retarded and i’ll stop calling u a retard.
attempt 2: i proposed a business. i asked for help. i got ignored.
attempt 3: seeks: road dog, mobile lp heater/furnace knowledge/advice, parking/outlet spots with written terms [follow-through, communication, etc], help with sober socializing, help with business ideas, new old laptop, new old sprint phone, new old warm waterproof coat/boots, workspace, food-store-space, non-corporate-news/violence-space. stop forcing that hateful warmonger shit on me, and i will stop attempting to gently teach you about cooperative organic food production design that can save the world from this power-tripping materialist hell. i want peace. no comments, e-mail offers only. [phone screen has died]
deleted from e-mail: this society is so cruel to the homeless. i ask for help, everyone turns away. i am leaving this region. there is no help/community here.
posted 1:51 pm: seeks road dog, serious cooperators, or customers. my hourly rate is yours. sliding scales, serious inquiries only. if your pad is a crash pad, tell me so.
deleted comment: make no assumptions, tell no lies. follow through with offers, they’re all capitalist spies
attempt 4: lol. i love the posts whose underlying message is: conform to capitalist fascist enslavement or die. no, i choose non-competitive cooperation.
managing resources requires admitting/discussing them. i’m not so keen on selling useful materials to give to a landlord.
i named a cooperative business proposal Skyscaper Permaculture. it remains universally ignored. if eaters cannot see a common goal and need for clean food-production infrastructure and sharing of resources, we remain frustrated individualists. by all means, share with me a better non-war candidate. show me another non-federal-reserve-note means of trading hours/property/resources.
7:03 pm. erv is sealed up pretty a lot better than before, and i’m going to see how long it stays at 72 degrees in here. that’s what it was when I got the hole-filler done. she’s more structurally stable now, too. holy god, that’s funny. it took less than a half hour, and I used my leatherman and pocket knife. I wanted to be able to do all of this in the field. what do we need? phone, computer, and battery chargers. 12-volt. convenient plugs. we gotta get to an outlet
ok, so you know how we can’t stand up straight in here. yeah. and we’ve been talking about raising the roof anyway. uh huh. how about the part that pops up, on the outside, it has one of them scrolly led screens. we were going to have projections on the whole thing. that is a true. ok, until we have the extendable projector arms we can try this. ok. you think we can make her garage kneeling height? I don’t see why not. and accommodate like shaq and manute bol and just for when you feel like having a 11” ceiling. it’s going to roll, right? that last four feet doesn’t have to be super-insulated, does it? tyvek. the clear plastic like paper chip bags. yurt window material. it’s gonna be a teslan earthship yurt. make mine buckminster fuller flava and we gone. not bulletproof? I had to wait an excruciatingly long time in front of the gas pump because a big fat dude in aerodynamic sunglasses didn’t move his crew cab pickem upped trawwk as he walked in the gas store to pay and AND to buy sugary drinky snakx. I coulda been done by the time he got back out. $20 of gas pumps right quick these days.
so these pallet collar things I brought are pretty cool. wood boxes. boss likes ’em. I said, “good, I thought you might.” or something to that effect. This office is the most picturesque you could imagine. if I had a pair of AA batteries, i’d take a picture of it for ya. it’s getting dark, but I did get pictures, on my phone, which doesn’t seem to want to connect as a usb drive without being on A/C power. that’s alright. it is charging.
picturesque. as in, a picture. so beautifully pretty. the truck-revver noise is pretty awful, though. that’s some brutal noise pollution. why do you do that, noisy people? I need earplugs. I have them. I could listen to some music. sometimes, I thinik it’s good to listen to the keys on the keyboard. how much can people listening to me actually hear what i’m typing? probably more often than i’ve noticed. perhaps they respond. I don’t know. doesn’t respond to emotional cues. ahahahahaha. artistics. I we are is 1 of doze, I fink. it’s not just a living pod. this thing is big enough to have a multi-purpose dance floor. dance being its primary and highest purpose. an hour and seventeen minutes left on the battery. it’s 7:04 pm. I once again went to fleet farm and didn’t get a headlamp. what is wrong with me? we have that little one in the bike bag. yeah, but that’s all the way in the car. whatever. we have lights. with this hole plugged, this is a lot [ed. note post cold nights: slightly] less like being outside. erv is a honest ta goodniss office. erv is a kitchen office bedroom home. we got a lot to do when we get on the internet. oh really. like what? well, figure out how to have more typing time. yes, we need another deep cycle battery. that would be a in-kind donation. you’d get a tax write-off if you was giv’d it to a non-profit. in a cooperative, you get the value of whatever you gave in whatever the cooperative produces, in-house. food, I would imagine. we better have a few restaurants, coffee shops, bars, and schools, on the payroll. houroll. whatever. I name stuff altheways because I can. dew. if you could, you would. do what you do. then, already. I have not gotten into a typing groove like this in a while. a plane flies overhead, 7:43 pm.
i’m turning on some musics, just ‘cuz. 😀
I put on shut up dude. I can’t stop wit the das racist. so retardo. so in love. lol. relax is better. most groups get better, until they don’t. how do I misplace my warm clothes bag? that has to be in here. I don’t even know what’s in these cabinets. probably that stuff. I am dancing. this stuff hits the souls of my feets. combination pizza hut and taco bell. what?
what if we put up a workshop big enough to build ervs. and house this one. yeah solar panels. we’d have to nab ’em from somewhere. no, we would dumpster scraps and build them. or, we get a bunch of calculators and consumer goods that have little panels, and we put ’em in series
11:00 am on the 28th. time passes in weeks.
phone seems to have died permanently. or, i will have to learn to use it without a screen. if people had custom ring-tones, it wouldn’t matter. meh. i have laundry to do, no free facilities. i have a check for $230 in my wallet, and a few hundred more on the way from the farm. i am tempted to put it all in the bank & try to survive without it. emergency fund. found out today that storage is available at malek’s, for a dollar per foot per month. $21/mo, and it won’t freeze, so i could fill erv with my 4 large batches of kim chi and a select set of root vegetables, and have a lot of delicious organic food safely preserved and awaiting my return. i am so clinging to my car right now. being alone at the end of a dead end road in a small town makes me want to keep multi-horsepower’d escape close at hand.
kwik trip gave me a huge bag of sammichez, another slice of breakfast pizza, and a new “taco” specialty slice. it would be better toasted, but sitting in my car, in front of the starbucks, it was pretty delicious. the dumpster was mostly empty, but one bag, with the oh-so-delectable wrappers within sight, was within reach, so i pulled it out, extracted edibles, tied & returned it to land-fillage. so anyway, i finally used that last free coffee thing. it was sitting in my suitcase this whole time. i remember the day you gave it to me.
anyway, i’m going to blog more.
so, you two are permanently adopted into my grand delusion https://sites.google.com/site/skyscaperpermaculture excursion. something. i want to drop all my shit into the co-op, and use up that equity on housing, electrical, internet, or possibly use of one of “my” vehicles, or some of “my” tools, being that they are still mine, but now everyone else’s, too. i should re-write the site so that it outlines policies and procedures, huh. we’ll see. i have some blank business cards to do up for my carving business https://sites.google.com/site/tactylegeomatrix which could use a logo. if you’re bored and want to help with that, please do. or, if you’re not at all bored, but still want to help, draw, paint, idea, etc. heh. i’m listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13zzWf6XVq4 on looop.
i’m blogging here, i guess. i’m copying this message to my blog. i do better when my conversations are in public view, don’t i. the library added a “no drinks” sign. i’m very disappointed. i didn’t return my coffee or water to the car, though. lol. if you didn’t make such bad rules, i wouldn’t have to break them all the time!
i sold a pyramid in waupaca. there’s enough gas money there to make it worth a trip. mom has laundering facilities, too.
so, i’m working to be mobile. maybe/probably to join you. i will have to be here until tuesday (pay day), at least, to put erv & food in storage. i have so much shit to shuffle, & can’t decide on what i want to bring. i should go get a frame pack from storage, too. i could use warmer boots. insulated, waterproof, pretty. dancing boots. my current ones are too small to wear with heavy socks.
anyway, the rest of today’s rambles will be continued at https://lazyasswasteoid.wordpress.com
facebook crashed firefox. I lost my status. I will try to re-create it here:
phone has gone flashlight, probably permanently this time. send words here or e-mail email@example.com if you have any. I seem to check back here for some reason.
stuff I could use/help with:
- sprint phone with a/c & car charger
- light(er)weight computer
- insulated, waterproof work boots (size 11-13?)
- rain suit
- bike trailer, rack with panniers
- warm climate parking/camping spot
- kind words
- people who want potatoes/cucumbers
- people who are ready to form a coop/tool-library
- people who can help with an electric vehicle conversion
- people who can help fix my rv’s lp furnace, water heater, & oven
sleeping out in the cold isn’t fun. showering outside is ok, as long as you catch daylight. it’s all I can do to even get to a place where I can use my computer now, and I keep asking for the same kind of help (in publicly/broadly accessible locations), with zero response. yes, I have checked with state agencies. they have waiting lists and no services to help me, anyway. I find it ironic that the coop would have exactly the help I need, in every possible way, if only a handful of people could take the time from their media-saturated lives and put their property towards a public good.
this is retarded. why bother posting there. those who care can’t help. those who can help don’t care. they’re your friends. yeah, only by facebook designation. those crybaby posts are all last-minute, and few of your network even see them. yeah, whatever. I am homeless. I am freezing and starving and I want to work with non-abusive people. such a thing does not exist on planet retard slave. I know. thanks for nothing.
my phone screen died again. do you have an old phone i can use? i haven’t used the sprint upgrade, though the last time i went in, they told me i have been eligible for one for years. i assume you’re still “moving soon” so you don’t want to extend the contract, so never mind. i assume text messaging on the account is still limited, because i haven’t heard otherwise.
2:12 pm why are you so angry? because my meds ran out and I don’t even know where to find more. I don’t have any phone numbers without my phone, and I don’t know where i’m sleeping tonight. so decide, and go there. heh, thanks.
I thought we had a direction? not really. what are the considerations? crushing depression, destination, fuel, storage. pay is forthcoming, but that only helps so much. yes, I can spend money to get accomplished some of what I need. but then I am still me, in the same isolated uselessness. I thought your guru told you to be less anti-social. yeah, that’s like telling someone to not get hit by their abusive partner any more. I avoid the harm inflicted, and the presumptions of most people make the explaining I must do frightfully difficult. do you not believe that I have some sort of disorder? did I communicate with people when I was a part of your daily/weekly interactions? I have never been able to endure that shit. yes, it’s WHY i’m homeless in the first place. no, the fucking charities don’t do a fucking thing to help the actual homeless people. they judge and try to force us into the same retarded worldview the rest of the crapitulatist useless fuckers wander through every worthless day of their useless fucking lives. stop that. why, I fucking hate everyone. everyone? yes, FUCKING EVERYONE. what do you talk about and why? do you care that people you claim to be “friends” with are starving right outside, right in the library.
my fucking retard of a father called. blah blah blah, who fucking cares. I hate you dad. I HATE YOU. fuck the fuck off with your useless self. you can’t do anything to help. you babbling my fucking ear off pisses me off. all the ways you could help are listed on this blog. my life is public, and you don’t think written communication is communication, so fuck the fuck off.
see, i’m going to die of exposure and nobody is going to care. that’s helpful. we need to get outside. go for a bike ride. I fucking hate it here. this whole planet is worthless.
again with the angry. i’m having heart palpitations. that’s the fatherly rage. he wants to participate in your undoing. no, he wants another helpless fucktard to abuse. yes, you fucking shithead, every time I tell you I can’t talk, and you KEEP FUCKING TALKING, that is abuse.
much like my other parent, you have refused to participate in the only thing I consider worth living for, a cooperative business. in doing so, the only useful thing you can do for me is die. yes, then I would inherit a percentage of a property, or a bunch of old tools that nobody cares about, instead of having to listen to hateful, anti-listening asstards who claim they love me while refusing to do so.
I thought you were going to tell us how you shit yourself? oh yeah, that gem. here ya go: so sleeping in the cold, my body goes into shock when I hit the cold. a few days ago, I had to shit in the grass, barely avoiding what happened today. loose stools into my relatively fresh drawers. yes, I got shit stains on my pants. don’t pretend to give a fuck. don’t offer words of sympathy. if you don’t want to help my survival business, you don’t care about me. if you can’t see how you would benefit, you’ll have to ask, in writing, by e-mailing me at lawleft at gmail dot com.
seriously, dying is the best thing you could do right now. this life is a fucked mess and I hate it. I am an angry reactionary loser surrounded by competitive, materialist children. I don’t know how to share, let alone connect with other humans, and I can’t bite my tongue before saying something whiny and stupid. it’s my training, my lineage.
the pain I endure in this isolation is nothing compared to what you went through reading this entry. I am the most alone that any human has ever been in this fucking hate-tarded society.
hey, football/beer addict. you can go die, too.