i was gunna

record. I still plan ta. but there’s a widescreen tele-bizschhonn playing jenna elfman, that cuzack kewtie, brandin frayzuhr, & bugs bunny? what’s this happy horse-shit? I love u jenna elfman. 😀

in law school. I am sorta hambone. big rooms? oy. lol. hey, any room full of gentle students needs a violent protector for the soft-spoken. all voices shall be heard in their own words this day. amen.

do an alternate of this, but it’s far too complicated. bee-sides, I did tentitle the name of it, “up2 tha tewerd sawngs” it sound liek a vacation tudor hamp tins or sump ping. peh. lol 1:59 pm

dance, and dance, I do. this is a pretty loud won. 😀 2:25 pm

but then she got perfect braids. hi, jenna elfman. I still love you.

and guess what? I still am.

[fractal] flower matemátikas 数学 คณิตศาสตร์ maths is one of the playlists I updated (Water, Grrl, Flower, shit, Paint, Eye, Cry, Winter Solstice. what isn’t there socio-political-cultural commentary in what I do. yes, thumbnail cinematography is a fantastical hobby. 🙂 I also cleaned the toilet, which, while scraping calcium deposits with the toilet brush, reminded me of the washboard behind me, which I forgot. brb (3:25 pm) we are nearly ready to start here, I promise. lol :))))))))))

youtube, your functionality is sporadic. why do you allow so many characters if you refuse to wrap them? hiding the ends of titles that YOUR DATABASE ALLOWS is akin to censorship. knock that SHIT the FUCK OFF! your trained monkeys don’t remove deleted videos like the button says, but I would wager a bet that the advertising functionality of the site works finely enough. smh. big evil, you’re a tool of the man. 3:33 pm

x-men was playing before. I was all “holy crap they tv nerrly snuffed a senator by chuckin’ im offa bil-ding!” but deniz diss-owned son saved his sorry meatbot. ess emm eitch. tv is a harsh. icky.

tags:

  • talky
  • noises
  • banging
  • snarly
  • eats
  • food
  • drinks
  • water
  • talks
  • about
  • television
  • and
  • stuff
  • love

Conversion:

flac 1.2.1, Copyright (C) 2000,2001,2002,2003,2004,2005,2006,2007 Josh Coalson

flac comes with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY. This is free software, and you are welcome to redistribute it under certain conditions. Type `flac’ for details.

2012-09-02 01 four oh won pee emms.wav: WARNING: skipping unknown sub-chunk ‘LIST’ (use –keep-foreign-metadata to keep)

2012-09-02 01 four oh won pee emms.wav: Verify OK, wrote 43772899 bytes, ratio=0.386

2012-09-02 02 five forty ate.wav: WARNING: skipping unknown sub-chunk ‘LIST’ (use –keep-foreign-metadata to keep)

2012-09-02 02 five forty ate.wav: Verify OK, wrote 225079024 bytes, ratio=0.355

2012-09-02 02 sebban flirty nien +smiles-.wav: WARNING: skipping unknown sub-chunk ‘LIST’ (use –keep-foreign-metadata to keep)

2012-09-02 02 sebban flirty nien +smiles-.wav: Verify OK, wrote 199714257 bytes, ratio=0.373

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Copyright (c) 2002-2003 Case. Minor additions by Neil Popham, 2004-2007

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C:\Profiles\Administrator\My Documents\wav\2012-09-02 02 sebban flirty nien +smiles-.flac

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Press any key to continue . . .

heh. 8:41 pm. we have uploadage. flac. I didn’t realize soundcloud had a cap, or I forgot. i’ll oughta edit these down and make some actual tunez-a-dem, eh? public domain sounds. hours of them. more than 1, at least. hours>1. uhh, hay nerds. sum1 make for me a ploogin that can shrink the page-breaks by clicking like billy’$ werdieniss. err not. whatsevers. the cycle put us here to record that. I know. I feel pretty fantastic about it all. yep, me too. some good stomach gurgles in there. yup. breathing exercises? SPOILER ALERT. the world needs more lerts. ‘lirts. fast-communicatin’ lovin, tw’erps. considered doin’ a dancy vid of that danube tewn.

track two is nearly up. track 4 is 47 minutes, 41.5 seconds, approximately. Audacity exports directly to flac, so yay. I cooked. there’s some more left if you’re hungry. thanks, I am good for now, but I get hungry often. cool. clean up prollly that, too. or cook it more. we could do that 11:01 pm

I have speculated before as to the number of moments of my life I sat, staring at computer progress bars. upload progress, download progress, file copy progress, file move progress, file delete progress. system clean progress. system scan progress. if the programs give you details, you can learn some stuff. you probably learn more by coding. you learn different things by coding. know more, no less. 😀 11:05 pm upload error 409. lol. it timed out. smh.

1:42 AM on the 3rd, and I watch the same file, at the same point of upload, a third time. lol.

it’s 2:36 pm, on tuesday the 4th. hey, it’s one of my mom’s birthdays today. I have lots of moms. I have a lot of lots of things, because the ones originally given to me weren’t suitable, or weren’t able to teach me what I needed to learn. or couldn’t follow through on their obligations to me for their own reasons. so, I continue to search.

I have so many things to tell you. plus, more crap to move and cleaning to do at a place where a loud, violent jerk refuses to give me peace.

dreams have been nearly nightmarish as of late. in one, I was chastised and kicked out of the library. that was frightfully traumatic. in another, I went to a place, and the people there took my car apart. they leaned the pieces of it up against a tree. that was pretty traumatic, too.

I had a meeting this morning with the executive director of a non-profit “transitional living home” where I may go stay. if I can agree to their terms. I nearly walked out of the meeting when the director verbally assaulted me. people bring up politics and then don’t like hearing the truth, and then start holding their positions of power over me. I play a victim, people victimize. victim-shaming is an essential part of this culture. capitalism IS rape culture. domination, rule-by-other, and income disparity are inhuman. people turn from gentle, caring nurturers to script-repeating assholes. it’s a bad scene, this america. that being said, I may “bite the bullet” (to use one of the all-pervasive violence/war analogies which are used more than actually talking about the actual reality of real life.)

what else. I took a shit-ton of pictures last night. this link will get you on the first of them. it was a good walk. full of hanging off of signs, squatting in odd positions, and laying in the grass on the side of the road to get shots of beautiful corners of the sky. I giggled a lot.

I keep wanting to have a party with everyone I know so I can scream at them all simultaneously. no, seriously, like scream like you’ve never heard someone scream. eloquent, well-thought out sentences of high import and biting social relevance delivered at ear-splitting volume. why is it that people are so addicted to being awful to one another? condemnation without background knowledge, repeating the same boring helpless scripts that their televisions give them. can you not think for yourself? have I not heard you complain about the very symptoms which my ideas propose to fix, at their root? yet, you refuse to acknowledge my presence, my existence, or my ideas.

final will and testament of Tyler Tavy Kelm Mertes:

my posessions are few, and I leave them all to a trust, which is to be owned by its participants, users, contributors, and/or clients (nomenclature is custom/flexible). details are outlined on my websites/wikis: GrokHealth, LazyAssWasteoid, and Skyscaper Permaculture. management, sharing, and disposition of these articles is to remain public, on the internet. this is the hack, isn’t it. I force the creation of my cooperative and then I remove myself from the equation. decision-making with regards to management of my property shall be by consensus. This means: all participants get a vote, regardless of the percent of equity they own. a single “no” vote blocks actions, but must be accompanied by reasons. the computerized voting system will allow others to assist in the wording of edits to proposals to make them “unblocked” by the blocking party, and all respect and accommodation shall be provided the blocker to explain the reasoning behind their having brought the fresh ideas of the other participants, nay, of the entire legal fiction as a whole, to a grinding halt. common block reasons may include use of resources elsewhere (cash, materials, labor, etc.), as many who are capable of stretching resources are presently excluded from these sorts of conversations. the discussion shouldn’t be slowed too much, as there will be no scheduled “meetings” to discuss “business” because business is an ongoing affair. rolling 24-hour and 48-hour proposals may be read, commented upon, supported or blocked, 24 hours a day. verbal fascism may not be used to silence those with relevant opinions. there’s no filibuster, buster. all ideas shall be heard, and all blockers shall have their blocks enforced by the whole of the cooperative, as that is how a) the dictator would have wanted it and b) each of them would want their own block to be respected if they felt that they could not live with the proposal as worded.

ok, here’s the e-mail for my previous landlord/boss/friend:

i didn’t realize how much you ████████ me, but you do. i want to finish this thing to your satisfaction, but you seem to only decide to communicate when you’re pissed. i will not abide obstruction of this task by violence, verbal, or indirect (loud noises, banging things, etc).  and seriously, man, it’s not like you fulfilled your end of this agreement, either.

When you bash me privately, you force me to a public forum. I have no power over you, nor desire to upset you or your life. my access to my own possessions is severely restricted by your schedule and word violence, and when i attempt peaceful communication so that we can finish this disconnection and move on, you have scared me away.  you already lied to me once about whether you would be there, so i find it increasingly difficult to trust you. besides that, i have no means to clean the carpet, whether it be renting a cleaner or whatever. those details matter.

recent communications from you have been angry, which ██████ me, because you still have power over some of my most valued possessions. please don’t assume i know anything. my memory is awful, which is why i like things in writing. i have done many things that you asked of me, and plan to do more. when you ignore requests to do something as simple as how you send a written message, i am at a loss. where’s the common respect? where’s the basic human decency?

the bracket on my truck is still unwelded, the air conditioner shroud is still 1/2″ short, and the onboard compressor is but a dream.  I painted two decks for you & helped you on 1 other job.  you said you wanted help with your mobile shop, but when i brought up the idea of the design, you got impatient and angry. i know life is difficult and shit happens, but i am doing my best to explain to you how i will be able to help you get me off of your property and out of your life. so far as i can tell, that is all you want from me. I wanted help on my truck/house. you called it stupid.

that being said, my earlier invitation to you to join my cooperative is still on the table.

please let me know what your schedule will be (estimations are o.k.), or who would be an acceptable third party to help/mediate. i don’t know who to ask.

my phone screen blanks out periodically, so please be patient with texts. communication. i can’t read your mind from here, nor can i put it into writing for you.

this message will also be posted on my blog.

love,
t

how do you diffuse the unabashedly violent? I ask for witnesses, and they ignore me. so, I provide my own. yes my camera. yes, the internet. I have attempted to live my life without interacting with violent people in real life, but there don’t seem to be any of those. whether by proxy or through a refusal to communicate, this whole nation seems to be co-dependent abusers.

I have yet to start talks with that christian half-way house. fuck. fuckkity fuck fuck. dude, if we off ourself, we don’t have to fucking worry about it. just go hang yourself in mom’s garage like you’ve been planning so she can have something to mourn about, she loves that so much. so, get over my spiteful attachment to not giving these horrible people what they want by committing suicide? yeah right. for a bit there, I thought we were going to sell the vehicles and buy 1 that was a mix between the two. I can barely stand up, let alone place an ad to sell a vehicle. you really are uselessly pathetic, aren’t you. how many times do I have to tell you that before you believe me. well, that kind of help simply doesn’t exist. you either get the judgmental assholishness provided by the hate-distribution infrastructure of the state, or you do it yourself. what happened to the d.i.y. ethic? co-op? right. you are a retard and you suck. I know. please move on to the next painful and submissive task so we have another place to be unappreciated and used by people who don’t give a fuck about us. oh, ok.

this is stupid. you can’t be serious about this. drug counseling? what are my options? I have nothing but bad habits on fascist properties, & the people closest to me either tolerate me or become verbally abusive when they can’t tolerate me any more. you’ve never had any friends. I really hope that’s not true. face it, you fucking loser, it’s true. you’re going to have to learn the jesus script. yes, but what is the next step from that? don’t these permaculture things fit into that direction of thinking? yes, you could make the case for that, but you know nobody wants to think those kinds of things on to the next logical step. fuck. FUCK I HATE PLANET RETARD SLAVE. everywhere I go, i’m going to have to endure insulting judgmental shit from people who live unexamined lives, who are incapable of educating themselves, yet who own all the property.

Herr Director,

I would like to propose an alternate wording, or a number of them, perhaps. I have been attempting to get a variety of businesses ideas off the ground, which revolve around shared tools in shared workspaces. with the understanding that FFL’s lease must be honored, I would like to offer up my tools and skills for a community shop and tool library, to be housed under the umbrella of FFL. I have had this idea for a long time (my thoughts about it are online), but my severe social anxieties prevent me from moving past those closest to me, who have rejected the idea outright. the panic attack I had today, in your presence, is how I typically respond. I cease communication. There is a root to all of our problems, and my relatively simple solutions solve a number of those.

who am I kidding. I am asking for a place to live, here. you aren’t kidding anyone, keep going. nobody can read your thoughts with this clarity. I would like to set up a wood shop and tool library, which I would use, occasionally, to build items for sale. this shop, along with useful materials (household appliances, scrap building supplies, etc) shall be owned by its users. strict rules about usage, keeping workspaces clean and uncluttered, and highly organized storage/tracking systems will be required to allow multiple users to benefit from a small set of tools, but those things are entirely possible, and I could complete them without cash-pay. another aspect of this cooperative is the vehicle sharing infrastructure. that means a network of parking spots and vehicles which are approved for use by other people. the vehicles themselves could be owned by individuals, and offered up for use as much (24x7x365) or as little (1 hr/wk) as desired. computerized schedules will ease these systems, but those, if they exist, will have to be set up and configured. this brings me to the computer shop. yes, I will teach classes at all these shops. sewing, computer, and tool.

The crux of Skyscaper is design and construction of food-growing infrastructure. ultimately, the planting, weeding (if necessary), and harvest of food could also be computerized, but getting logical things set up wouldn’t require that. the idea here was that individual landowners could provide an easement to Skyscaper so that our members could help them maintain these food-growing spaces, if they themselves (the landowners) chose not to. from a 10′ x 10′ square on a corner, to an entire back-yard, front-yard, rooftop, or wall. I have designs for nearly every property in Iola, Scandinavia, Waupaca, and Stevens Point. I have not learned how to do 3D modeling yet, but that would help. If we got buy-in from municipalities, trail-sides could have native berries and nuts which thrive in shade. if we got buy-in from landscapers, contractors, & developers, gardens could be sculpted to catch rainwater for plant-irrigation, outdoor kitchens and root cellars could store this bounty without requiring well/city water, or electricity.

it’s 5:04 pm, and i’m very hungry again. the library’s open for another 3 hours. should we come back to post this? no, post it now. come back and edit it if need be. that means this is a draft? I guess. it is pretty rough. i’ll say. I can’t believe you haven’t been banished. oh. I mean, I can’t believe you haven’t been excommunicated. oh. I mean, I can’t believe you haven’t been tried and executed. None of the witnesses to my tyranny will come forth and testify. oh, give ’em time. time is all I have.

a full consensus business is ethical. one whose direction and determinations rest with a single party are by definition, fascist (or a tyranny, or monarchy, or whatever other terms you want to use). can we get over the terms already? yes, I think you’re a tyrant. so am I. so what. it doesn’t change anything, and after hearing that, you have the choice to stop being a tyrant, or to continue. please stop. we will all be better off if you do. (5:11 pm.)

Thanks for reading,
t

~ by LazyAssWasteoid on 2012-09-4 (Tuesday).

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