neutral ground

what i recall of the note i just left (2:17 pm) and explanatory expansion☯:

mom,
what does that even mean?  you have already given me notice and have summarily vetoed every proposal i have brought forward.  i am sitting in the truck stop, a neutral place with public supervision, working on things that you refuse to believe are worth doing, and you are free to join me there at any time.  if we “need” to talk, i am available 24 hours per day, seven days a week, at e-mail lawleft at gmail dot com.  you can either sit and eat near me, or you can join me at this table to discuss what i feel are relevant issues.  most of this wasn’t included in the actual ¼ page note, which is the only way i am allowed non-competitive, non-abusive communication with you these days.

♥,
t

the name of that character on word’s insert symbol is black heart suit.  well, it’s in caps, so actually it’s “BLACK HEART SUIT.”  i use that thing a lot.  it’s a corner, of the four-part tarot replacement, isn’t it?  yes.

the backwards model (capitalism) forces the belief that a “manufacturing” operation should can make only one thing, in bulk, and sell to large interconnected for-profit concerns.  what’s the opposite of completely illogical?  a manufacturing operation that can create any item, completely customized to that person, one at a time, and in customized, sliding-scale trade with them, only directly to and with individuals whose spending patterns are gently, constantly and consistently scrutinized to ensure that zero waste is created, zero additional plants, animals, or resources are used or harmed beyond what is absolutely necessary to create the thing, and a permanent connection of life and respect is included with the transaction.  this is more than a business plan, though little.

i keep going back to the wikipedia article on “scientist”.  this is the capitalist definition of science, which i believe, like every other thing capitalism puts its grubby, enormous hands on, is the opposite of logic, kindness, gentleness, and actual reality.  that “science” is the childish bully who cheated all through school, caused untold harm to any notion of “teamwork” (which is itself pretty diametrically opposed to the capitalist notion of the self-interested rational actor, around which all of your acts/thoughts/beliefs revolve) throughout their existence, and who consistently forces untoward acts of humans with less cash than itself.  i seek a workplace where my labor is immediately valued as a percentage of the organization’s equity.  if you cannot offer that, leave me alone.  eventually, this fed-imposed cash throttling and indebtedness-abusing will awaken sufficient numbers of humans to band together with me in a public, accountable, logical, humanitarian concern.

look, all any of us ever do is rehearse our soliloquy.  the “who i am” speech.  why my life was epic, or why america is the necessarily “cooler” than every other place.  holy god, you sound dumb.  terrified, useless.  the average american is lucky that the rest of planet earth are founded on traditionally decent cultures.  they pity us.  literally, the percent of humans who want our version of poisoned confrontational-ness are the warring types.  the use of weapons is ethical when they are used to preserve the food production areas over which one has control.  those who discharge weapons as noisemakers (violently wasteful) are merely reinforcing the culture of fear which directs our attention away from personal and tradable food production.  this is true not only on the global level, but within the “hearts, minds, and dna of every human on planet earth.

there is an art show at the expo center, hockey rink thing almost directly behind me.  i should see how late it goes.  i like looking at arts. i is a one of those. J

2:47 pm.  it’s cloudy, and i have the earth-engulfing heart chakra again.  i am a sensitive.  i have been trained in a variety of harsh verbal and emotionally manipulative arts.  they are mostly confusing ways of lying that make one feel guilty without having done anything wrong.  essentially, it’s impossible to create a more complete system of thought and interaction than i have created, and i will not tolerate the disrespect inherent in non-budging self-interested, dictatorial actors.  it’s cruel and unusual punishment, trying to listen to that crap.

remember when i described something delicious as better than “wine-simmered angel fetus”?  that was awesome.  i can think of exactly zero more humanitarian ways to go, to be completely honest.  i did not understand the implications of my words or actions.  for my part in unnecessarily inflicting pain, i apologize.  how’s that?  how can pain inflicted not be both completely intentional and completely necessary?  um, what?  i thought you were a fatalist?  far from it.  we carve our own waves of this lightstar.  (2:54 pm) fries ordered upon gentle verbal nudging.  prove it, customer.  yess’m.  here are my customizations.  smiles, smiles.  i love peaceful interactions with all my infinite heart.

i care a great deal, about all that i do.  i am here because i love it here, in and at every level that i am “here.”  i do not require you see the world “the same” as me except as concerns the most basic human rights.  unfortunately, most of you hold capitalism to a higher regard/level/esteem than your own families (let alone human rights generally), not to mention common sense, and all of the rest of your own stated beliefs.  see what a manipulative liar capitalism has made of you?  how do you not sicken yourself?  that’s either the consumption of more nasties, or the release of them causing a similar reaction on the regurgitation.

i need filmmakers.  as little time as you want to commit.  it takes as long to record a video as it does to play one.  another thing capitalism does is assert that every task has to take a ridiculo-stupid-inflated amount of time.  fuck that wasteful tripe!  seriously.  these things take as long as they have to.

another fascist statement: it’s my property and i get to do what i want with it, without regard for your input.  neither is there a system for pre-decision input, nor is there one for post-decision input.  both suggestions are viciously and insultingly vetoed, leaving the poorer party with zero non-violent recourse.  putting another out in the street is violent, when the room will otherwise sit empty.  this is the act of a bank, not a human organism.  i do not work with banks.  i have acted as one in the past, but in those acts, i was as much of a human as i was capable.  i feel, in those regards, understood, if nothing else. (3:04 pm.  fries are here.  first non-coffee/half&half food intake of the day.  watch for mood-spikes. :D)

I LOOOOVVVE GREEAASSY MOTHAFUKKIN PO-TAY-TOES!!  there it is. ;p

ok, i’m fed now.  3:22 pm.  what else do we want to discuss?

i have symptoms of ocd, agoraphobia, and a variety of other “disorders” which i believe all stem from the gross disproportion of asset allocations in this society.  no, i don’t think that’s a stretch at all, and i have been posting evidence to that effect for a while now.  i will work for the survival infrastructure of the commons.  the rest of this crap is a pile of lies, and until you’re willing to confront the big systematic lies, we really don’t have much to talk about.  if you want me to pay cash to help cover bills, give me a calculation of inputs and expenditures.  if you refuse to allow any of my own input into a service which i am contributing to, whether by labor or cash, that is entirely unacceptable.  under the global consensus paradigm, it is a survival-impeding act, and immediately, automatically slates you for elimination by the house itself or its agents.  communication is serious business, and you had better get your story in non-confrontational terms quick.

i do the best i can with phrasing.  some of the shortcut words describe very nicely the point or points which i wish to convey.  you come from a hide-your-cards, no-input-agenda, hit-em-with-verbal-punishment/harshness school of thought.  it’s tv-type thought.  that idiot box completely programs you, and keeps you separated from other humans.  it reinforces itself and its own assertion that the world is full of helpless, useless people with awful ideas.  then, it gives you the only option, a glossy, empty, non-customizable, one-size-fits-all “solution” which further entrenches the inherent unfairness.  this is all me, you know.  this is my self-examination, and i refuse to be your fucking hug-slave any more, you non-food-sharing gas addict.

lol.  i called my sister a predator drone.  i only mean that in the sense that she continues the fascist/capitalist nonsensical exclusion of me.  i can speak with my sister.  i have, many times.  she is a sane, rational actor.  she’s also heavily influenced by the systems with which she interacts.  of course, she only sees them from a heavily influenced and logically contorted place, being a tv consumer and all.  i cannot go back to being a plundering non-carer.  don’t ask that of me.  i will leave in peace.

i don’t see how anything you’ve done could be any more embarassing than all the shit i’ve done, and done publicly.  nobody thinks badly of you other than your present vibration.  fix that, and you’re in like flynn.  open to new ideas, non-reactionary.  we need to get you around a larger group of people, and in an inclusive setting.  i know, that doesn’t really exist according to the tv.  that’s why you must stop consuming its poisonous lies.  please?  for future generations?

under logicism, extra ideas not applicable to the present location, are uploaded to the all-knowing all, which categorizes and places them in relevant discussion places.  your children interrupt any discussions of use because your discomfort discussing anything real is so obvious, the birds take notice.  what would you listen to?  a job description?  must we go to the opposite end of the spectrum, where i take the role of fascist dictator, scripting your acts in a uni-path-narrow-mindedness which is primarily intended to break your pathetic ridiculous programming?  see, you definitely don’t want that.  you do not want dictator to have to address the present state of dysfunction.  he rather insults dysfunction, he does.  i think that’s a testament to his ability to withstand abuse.  yeah, that despite the awful things that people say to him and think about him, that he still recognizes and asks them gently to not perform those acts on him rather than insulting them in unrelated ways.  so, your insults are acceptable because they’re correct?  not hardly.  i attempt to re-direct attacks on me, and to deflect them in ways that teach more than only the recipient.  that person from whom i defend myself.

of course, to demand that one’s labor be reimbursed with equity in the legal entity will require either a creative and slightly benevolent (under the existing squash-the-smaller-violence-paradigm) owner, or a new legal entity.  what, exactly, is your problem with ownership and management by the people?  oh, right, having to listen to and incorporate other people’s ideas into your thought/spending process.

you weaklings do not have the philosophical foundations to listen to me, which ironically is why you should listen when i say that you have the personal wherewithal to examine your own philosophical foundations and the sources which i found that convinced me of my present, inclusive reality.  capitalism does contribute to reality, but in far different ways than most of you assume.  that is the first thing to analyze.

ten to four.  her note said they would be there eating between 4:30 and 5.  i get the impression that the only option other than her completely disrespectful exclusion of my ideas is that i not be there to witness it first-hand.  i did, as she broke a second article of stoneware that she had given me (i tainted it, by using it.  its wholeness drove her to physical violence, so she broke it.  hey, it was hers before she gave it to me, and while it was under her roof, her philosophy says that she has every right to do whatever she wants with it regardless of anything i think).  so now, because i refuse to accept her abuse in person, she flails and screams and disrespects my sister, her husband, and her kids.  all of their intrapersonal interactions stab me in the heart.  i go through life in a partially useful state, completely non-trusting of the humans around me, upon evidence of their constant, consistent dismissal of me, my appearance, my ideas, and my demands for peaceful and respectful interactions.  help me i am in hell

if you know me, you are in my hell also.  sorry, but you’re one of the demons here.  use your own words, or your own property.  i can’t want it for you, and the ways in which i can help are limited only by your utter lack of imagination.

love,
t

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~ by LazyAssWasteoid on 2012-04-29 (Sunday).

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