if you ain’t running, quit talking

honestly, i can’t believe how much time y’all spend talking, third-hand, about politics.  the “anarchists” are the only ones that seem to actually read and share the full text of the laws, but you almost need to be a lawyer to know what they really mean. or a judge.  or, one of the businesspeople who writes the damn thing in the first place.  lawyers may act as businesspeople.  they have the distinct advantage of knowing how to implant legislation with loopholes.  here’s mine: consensus.  by merely adopting this as a means of decision-making, a certain chain of events is set forth.  the people with the highest standards, who can best calmly explain the rationale of their multi-function designs, are also the ones who will gladly put their work aside if another idea accomplishes more effectively the intended results.  consensus will also ensure the absolute purity of claims such as “organic.”  that word will soon become moot, as applying chemicals to mother earth shall be immediately accompanied by physical beatings from your friends and family.  you only hurt the ones you love, huh.

i fink u freeky was did upon Lettromyn.  his intro was flat, but yolandi, nymp goddess with blacked out eyes, aced it.  ninja’s censored version included a finger-gun to the head, and the words “what the heck?” i’m embarrassed for our nation that we only learn of these amazing international artists in de-contextualized, retardedly-censored million-viewer atrocities where anything of substance must be scoffed at and mocked by the capitalist swine.  a man giggled before the applause started, didn’t he?  she didn’t flinch.  hey, next time you rich assholes spring for the whole crew for the show, eh?  you want the true hot flava, you gotta juice up the friends.  it’s a collaborative effort.  i would rather join a rap/dance crew than an editorial staff.  no offense.  i’d be great at either, if humans are treated as such.  if not, may got help your organization.  anti-fa4lyfe

they’re not gonna look at you fucktard.  why would they?  because they’re asking for me specifically.  bullshit.  watch, i’ll show you my application, and you tell me.  so, have we started on it yet?  yes.  where is it?  you’re reading the brainstorm, antsy-pants.  mrwuh. pfla.  i make weird noises with my facial parts sometimes, faces too.  i think it will go well, but we should really pee before we start the timer.  good call.  brb 3:49 pm

3:52 pm

Good Day Mother Earth News!

it’s your lucky day!  i don’t have a life!  at most other times in my life, i would not uproot to move to Kansas.  i am perfect for this job.  wait, this job would be perfect for me.  there’s a difference.

for you: i’m an online multi-media powerhouse.  i maintain a number of very unpopular and critically ignored nonspecific campaign fronts.  err, accounts.  sleeper cells?  something.  twitter’s way fun, and even facebook has knowledge-distribution potential.  i manage two fb pages.  my myspace page is a mostly static database of mostly music i associate with, or like.  youtube and my blog are the long-form, in-your-face rendition of my philosophical brutality.  i’m not that kind of angel.  blunted reality.  i am an advocate of consensus decision-making systems, full real-time honest disclosure, and the course which is best for everyone, which i maintain is full legalization of plant-based so-called “narcotics,” and much stricter, longer-term testing of pharmaceutical “medications.”  when i eventually seize control, we will re-plant the rainforests, right in everyone’s own back yard, optimized to feed, shelter, and luxuriate an ever-diversifying number of species.  yes, we gonna luxuriate the fucking squirrels.  ya herd meh!

ok, yeah, so i swear a lot.  if i ever have so much pent up negative energy from not physically pounding on those who verbally bash [near]  me, that i must yell harsh words, including swears, i tend to direct them at media conglomerates, the “food” industry, elected officials, and meanies.  introduce me to single eligible mothers, pet owners, potheads, or people who know of a big enough public/shared shop where i can permaculture up my rv.  useful types.

ok, my website is universally hated, as far as i can tell.  i have only ever heard two people tell me that they were even reading it, and then they exit my life.  let’s just say i have never really understood people.  i will finish what i started, turn it over to capable hands, and go where i am most needed.  how do i know where i am most needed?  why, that’s the place where i have the most fun i could possibly have for that particular time.

umm, if you don’t want me to befriend a bunch of gutter punks and homeless hookers [of course, their hearts are all gold], you better aught introduce me to some croquet/darts/pool/catan-playin’ peeps, of all ages.  i mean, i will meet those people anyway, if you pay me enough to rent a place where i can work on my mobile seed pod.  yes, i have knowledge of the Twin Cities, New Haven (CT) and Madison (WI), and i have been to NYC, London, Vegas, Vancouver, LA, & Sans Frisco ‘n’ Diego.  I have driven large farm vehicles, and i enjoy 20-60 mile bike rides.  i use/speak my mind, intend only growth/expansion/progress, love unabashedly, and dance a lot.  how doesn’t it matter?

i also know a bunch of writers.  newsy types, bloggy types, fictional types.  ultra-realism types.  magic, all.  i did a stint in law school, so i know way more lawyers and professors than a presidential candidate ought to.  i break harmful laws intentionally, attempting to provoke a supreme court reversal of them.  no takers, yet.

i was trying to think of a critique of your site, and from an initial skim, this was difficult.  then, i noticed that you don’t have a front-page feature about the most badass anarchist presidential candidate that has ever existed, and that’s my only critique.  ok, i also really like the word permaculture, so i would work that into most everything i do, including personal relationships.  i love your kids/parents/spouses as much as you do, if not more.  i leave quietly when asked politely.  of course i’m flirting with you, since you asked.  i’m smiling, aren’t i?  you know what’s best for all of us.  my perspective doesn’t afford me that knowledge yet.  i eagerly await your reply.

so, do you care more about my work history or my writing?  i feel like the philosophy/ethics thing is a wrap.  i have been living under the pressure of an intense keeping-up-with-the-joneses/that’s-just-the-way-it-is/only-doin’-my-job/that’s-the-policy set of communities up here, and i could really use the expansion and open-mindedness that i imagine your office/crew to be.

i am very systematic in my approach.  i have ideas for everything.  designs pop into my head as negative blueprints, and completed forms.  i have to get them out or they incapacitate me.  music and dance are the same way.  do you have a 3D printer and an app programmer?  i am all these things, or my network has them, if funded.  i know quality people.  i want them to work with us.

i have referred to myself as anarco-fascist before.  i am schooled in systematic patriarchy, but i immediately dislike those who force me into that mode.  i work best with small, gentle, asexual, non-confrontational humans.  i have many little sisters.

there’s nothing usable in this.  stop, that’s not true.  just post it.  if it was for you, they’ll find it.  that’s as idiotic as your alleged campaign.  yeah, i know.  do you really want to work in an office building inTopeka?  yes, actually, i do.  give humans another chance to give you another chance.  oh that’s what we’re doing, is it?  and maybe it’ll take a few years, and maybe the relevant immovable father figures will have died and left the few bits of property they didn’t spend poisoning themselves and driving around to some more sustainable-survival-minded progeny/issue.  i have to believe that the fleecing and poisoning will be finally witnessed by the farmers, and they will beg, sobbing, that the sins of their fore-fathers be worshed aweigh by foresight and good design [sic].  permaculture is what they do now anyway.  we have to help them go cold turkey.  community support, scientific standards and full-disclosure explanations for methodology.  i know.  preaching to the choir. 😀

it will probably help our writing to know that another set of eyes will actually look over our work before it goes public.  you realize they want you to be an editor, too.  yeah, i know how to do that.  i know how their semi-colons differ from ye olde brackets, and i look forward to having a well-thought-out style guide to set our tone/flavor to something timeless and gentle.  she is that, isn’t she.  if i hadn’t gotten into my first choice in law schools, i would have re-considered my decision to go.  if i don’t get this gig, i doubt i will ever apply for any other position in journalism for the rest of my life.  no, he’s frightfully loyal like that.  once i can afford land (ha! yeah right), that’s what i wanna be fiddling with.  i don’t understand why there aren’t multiple angles of high-definition cameras pointing at me and sync’ed to my headphones at all times, either.

dictator says we have to re-edit the website before we shoot that application e-mail off.  what?  the whole thing?  stop, it’s like six pages.  maybe take out the more awful parts, too.  i know, juxtaposed with the actual warring characteristic of the rest of the machine, it’s really only direct, and quite honest, actually.  gentle, even.  i type them words because i don’t enjoy speaking them aloud.  it’s all just legal terminology.  science stuff.  i like cooing and grunting.

i am available at a moment’s notice.  if you don’t regret having read this, you won’t regret meeting me.

Sincerely,
tyler

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~ by LazyAssWasteoid on 2012-02-7 (Tuesday).

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