hey, if you have ever given a fuck about me, do one of the following.  pick one, or more.  i’m putting them in order of hands-off, distance, do what you can to honest love.  the short version, for the truly lazy, is: send cash, send parts, bring help

  • send well concealed cash or checks to Tyler Tavy Kelm Mertes, 335 Water St, Iola, WI 54945.  i’ll be here ‘til x-miss ’11.
    • feel free to specify campaign contribution, co-op donation, or gift.
      • survival/appearance/toys/foods/drugs/fuel. pick one. or more.  do however. if no intent is attached, any use is deemed acceptable. our systems can handle your opinions.
  • send an e-mail offering old computers, help with auto repairs/rv customization, usable rv parts, usable ’83 Toyota pick-up parts, bike parts, and shop space to do all of this.
  • show up.  ok, yeah, probably e-mail first telling me when you’ll arrive, how long you plan to stay, and whether you are there to help me eat or help me work.  if you want to try to convince me of something, not only can you not show up at all, you can die a long slow painful death.  put your criticisms in writing.  if you are an assistant to an artist, happiness is production.  art is god.  you can always go to your room and close the door.  i will not pursue.
    • other help i could put to use:
      • computer disassembly/reassembly/programming
      • swift/delicate rv disassembly skills/tools
      • car/truck/heavy-equipment skills/shop/parts-finding
      • on-site design consultation for custom solar water system
      • aluminum can processing: these layered strips will eventually be my home.  i have a bunch, but bring your un-crushed cans, yeah.
      • electric/computer system design/construction
        • final designs include dual flywheels (shell-top wind-driven, and truck-frame), and full-frame capacitor power storage.  the whole thing will be a LED battery.  she glows.
        • full monitoring and computer-aided/scriptable control of wind generation/solar/power use
        • truck and cab-mounted computers will pre-heat fluids recovered by generation systems.
      • converting a kerosene heater to a woodgas generator/rocket stove, and integrating this heat-generator into the btu-handling infrastructure of the rig.
      • materials science: lightweight clear solar roof? high-heat-resist weldable black plastic sheeting? insulating foam? aluminum-sealing epoxies? price matters.  we’ll use soda bottles, then.
      • plumbing skills.  i’ll be doing custom sinks, and filtering/recycling water.  this will integrated with the heating/cooling systems.
      • heating/refrigeration skills. the original lp heater/refrigerator will be reconfigured into multi-fuel computer controlled heating systems, and the cold chamber re-oriented lower, self-leveling (gimble) and with a horizontal lid. the same system will cool the cab.  yes, i will have LP A/C.
      • fundraising.  clearly, i suck at this.  yeah, well, find me a boss who has half a clue and can put my diverse talents to use, and who isn’t an obnoxious dick as a fall-back.

this is my campaign for president.  it’s an off-the-grid mobile permaculture home construction company/consultancy/cooperative.  if someone wants to buy the prototype, that may happen.  we’ll see whether i have a place to take it.  i figure, once its free, i may not ever have to stop.  cool.

but, just so we’re clear, legally speaking, this is a personal project with personal property.  i am investing in my home here.  if you get disagreeable, i will ask you to leave.  if you do not leave, i will make such an obnoxious racket in protection of my personal safety, you will either have to give me a little breathing room or suffer permanent aural, mental, and emotional damage to every last person in the room.  you have your little anthill.  mine has wheels.  you maintain dictatorial control about what i may speak about there, so my right to do that same thing upon property which i control is a condition of your being here.  i have spent my entire life alone.  what’s another twenty minutes?

contrary to popular opinion, clicking “like” doesn’t actually help.  we thought this was going to start with dictator asking for help finding a job.  perhaps bandmates.  dude, no, that’s bullshit!  clicking “like” totally helps!  how can it not?  even things that are joking or artistic or that have “no legitimacy” can be liked, can’t they?  do all of you really dislike all that i do that much, or is it me.  if everyone i know really wishes that i should die, i’m calling you out now.  send me an e-mail or a message saying “die” and i will cut off communications, block or whatever.  i’m trying to survive here.  my own parents never liked or wanted me.  whatever the fuck.  slave to the ‘rents.

i like my friends’ painting businesses.  i like their pseudo-porn accounts.  i like their news streams.  i read their blogs.

bah, whatever the fuck.  do whatever the fuck you’re gonna fucking do anyway.  sit in your warm little cell as the soothing sights and sounds of big brother wash over your poisoned little brain.  ratatatatatatatatat.  warmonger live. usa.usa. us, oh fuck it.

please hire me: http://www.linkedin.com/in/lazyasswasteoid so i can afford to do all this shit.


p.s. current heavily rotated/playlist: Weedeater, Cage the Elephant, Das Racist


~ by LazyAssWasteoid on 2011-12-11 (Sunday).

2 Responses to “HAAALLLP!”

  1. I’ll send ya somethin

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