Nut. Screw.  Fastener. Nail. Staple? Band.

Holy mcFuckSticks, batmans.  I saw a wolf, or rather, the.  I would re-do those.  I’m retarded.  Smacking upside the head really needs to be employed more often in my presence, so I can show you to the world as the violent ass you are.  Stoning volunteers, eh.

There are no volunteers, are there.  Why does nobody want this job?  All they want are to be the man’s intermediate administers of beatings, verbal, physical, and emotional.  How did everybody get so mean?  Well, I’m still alive, aren’t I.  If they really thought I was scum, oh I fucking hope they would have put me out of my misery by now.  So, another wolf sighting.  Sunglasses.  We were an odd couple, he and I.  Repeat that ad nauseum.  I can’t act like I don’t have “relationships” with boys and girls all the time.  I talk to people, occasionally, and I show my scrawny ass in public.  It’s the only way.  It’s the best way.

I took some snapshots from pics at my sister’s.  She didn’t have the one I wanted, but I found others that are frightfully beautiful.  Such is my life.  Everyone’s horribly mean to each other and miserable, but gawd, we look good in pictures.  Heh.

I should finish that shirt with my tag on the back. Handle.  eName, whatever.  I can’t help it.  Spent the last few months around the old man, and my little sister, and for not the first time, my step brother, who I claim not to get along with (call it the self-loathing, dude. You are a peaceful soul.), was the peaceful refuge of the bunch.  So much anger, frustration, and worry.  Chill, baby sis.  Everything is fine.

She did just what my mom does when I tell her that she does something that bothers, or hurts me.  She does it repeatedly, excessively, sarcastically, and then laughs about it.  This is what I learned that “love” was.  I have my own opinions now.

One of my opinions is that there’s a wonderful freedom in homelessness.  The asking part is that thing I never got.  I learned how much of a hastle I was being, by asking.  So I do it in writing now.  It’s all here, it’s said in public, and idgaf.  Continue starving me, world.  I dare you.

put some snapshots on fb and twitpic, fyi.

Shall I uploadis?  Only a page?  Wtfnot?

My desire, willingness, and even ability to carry heavy/build/dismantle things for you is dependent on your not-yelling, gentle compliments, and zero “playful” “ribbing.”  No.  You give me a verbal jab, I’ll give you a knuckle one.  Fair trade.  Quick glances in this town.  Melikes.

Off to bike.  I guess you can see it.



I think, when I told him I was blocked (I have an insatiable need to tell of every time other disapprove of me), he said, “I have to go” and quickly turned and walked away.  I hope he was blissfully happy.  I’m sorry for any pain I’ve caused you, brother.  That was never my intent.  Most of the people I love don’t speak to me very often.  That’s ok.  They don’t want to live with me either.  That’s also ok.  I will find the one/s who do soon.  I know it.

To update, I received quick notice, no drama, and curt dismissal.  I love those.  Let’s cut all the bullshit and tell each other the truth.  Having been given multiple votes of acceptance and honest assessment in public forum is all I could have hoped for.  The meals, glances, and smiles, I will carry with me always.  I have only ever had positive memories of that dear home.  I am the most fiercely loyal person I’ve ever met.  I’m the only one I could tell that this was the case, actually.  Not sure if that’s a lack of existence, or a perspective thing.

Emma’s not emma any more.  Who knew?  I should teach at Shabazz.

If you need a personal assistant, cook, heavy-stuff-lifter/bodyguard, I am available.  My range shrinks with every night I spend without being adopted.  Shopspace, campspace, all welcome.  I could live in a garage, or on an 8×8 patch of lawn.

I feel more at home homeless in Madison than I do staying with family.  Is that weird?  I feel like that’s weird. Lol.  No, it isn’t.  I’m never technically homeless, but I’ve been homeless all my life.  Depends on what your definition of home is, I suppose.

It can’t care, that’s the idea.  Like I said, that’s ok.  Happy responses from multiple locations means it’s all good.  Find me.  I’m the deal of a lifetime.


~ by LazyAssWasteoid on 2011-05-23 (Monday).

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