Trade offer

You give me a backrub and a blowjob, and in return, I’ll stick my tongue and dick on/into your vagina repeatedly as you request.  I need a shower and a nap, then I gotta hit the liquor store.  I’m not done shoveling yet.  Probably two tons yet to go.  I’m dead fucking serious.  You know I was a horny little weirdo in high school.  What’d you think I’d grow up to be mr. suave international?  Ha.  Fat chance.

Somebody print this out with pictures of my cock and directions to my house from all the local bars.  That might backfire.  Girls, where are you?  How can I help you find me.

I should put this on the site, eh?

You guize, my ‘puter is beannen assholagin. :p,19785/

Showered, missions accomplished, and back hurts less.  Perhaps a round of compact disks and more food will do the trick.  This handle a vodka don’t hurt a bit neither.  It’s 7:19 pm now.

He left again this morning.  Woke me up, gave me a hug, and did that thing where he puts his hands on my shoulders and makes a face and shakes me as if to say, “remember how much of a violent asshole I am while I’m gone” as he lectures me about how I spend my time.  I say, “why can’t you appreciate the things I already make?” He says, no hesitation, “because I don’t understand them.”

So what I really want is a group of friends I didn’t know I had to show up and help me transport my shit to my final resting place so I can get some decent sleep.  I’m in need of a place to sleep.  I don’t want to have to worry about obtaining food, beer, weed, or money for rent.  I’m fully willing to work, but I will not be expected to work year-round, five days a week.  I live 24/7.  If you’re not helping with communal survival, fuck off.

What the fuck.

and there are the ones I skipped.


~ by LazyAssWasteoid on 2011-03-24 (Thursday).

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