goodbye, cruel world

•2015-09-29 (Tuesday) • Leave a Comment

and by good bye, i mean hello;

and by cruel world, i mean facebook, central wisconsin, & earth aka planet retard slave

i just tweeted another succinct summation of everything, which is the multitudinal truth of everything that i hate which includes people who hate. i hate people who think they can’t heal themselves. i cannot heal myself. i hate smokers of cigarettes, constant talkers, perfume & cologne wearers, and smelly people for poisoning air, yet i smoke weed as much as possible and as often as i can find it (hasn’t happened in over a month, which probably explains my horrible depression. that & the looming homelessness and continued [although completely justified/forgivable] rejection by everyone.), and smell like a wild feral human because i refuse to wear the corporate perfume slime known as “deodorant” because it messes up my skin and generally pisses me off. pretty much everything and everyone pisses me off. you could say i have anger issues, but no one ever has. i don’t yell at people for being their abusive, competitive selves. i just internalize it and hate myself. everyone wants me dead, as far as i can tell. two days ago, for the first time in a long time, i came really close to giving them what they want: my death.

only a few people have ever been encouraging to me, let alone complimentary about what or how i do things. i hate it here, on this planet, at least amongst “civilization” and domesticated humanity. white people, i hate white people. and straight people, and people with jobs, and/or homes. people who talk in public parks/libraries, and especially smokers. if i were literally god of the universe, i would give cigarette smokers the instant death that they crave as soon as they decided to poison my air. this wouldn’t be necessary, however, because if i were in charge, it wouldn’t be legal, let alone possible, to manufacture that poisonous product in the first place. speaking of being god of the universe, why don’t you GET TO THE FUCKING POINT OF THIS RAMBLY SHIT-POST AND EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK IT IS YOU’VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST DECADE. ok, good.

i call it running for president, because if i, as a natural human person, were to be elected to the position of president of the united states, i would, as soon as legally/feasibly possible, turn over this executive power to an inclusive, open source, direct-democracy database that would roboticize and automate all the boring administrative crap nobody really wants to do anyway, as well as track the actual contributions of participants. in addition, this real-time data processing warehouse would replace land ownership, the police force, currency, intellectual property, government, education, markets, and anything else which those who presently “run” use to grift, throttle, and steal from everyone else. i am direct democracy. open source anarchy, and the human rights of animals.

i know your head is hurting. that’s because you’re a poisoned retard zombie who is addicted to hate, exclusion, and power. it’s ok. i forgive us.

ok, so it’s not really “running for president”, it’s a business. it’s an inclusive, full-consensus cooperative which has a human rights floor and a uniform hourly ceiling (everyone makes exactly the same per hour), and is a housing operation whose goal is to include every shelter, a tool/resource/bike/vehicle library which includes every one of these things on the planet, and a babblefishesque translator that lets the “what we call things” be crowdsourced, or more precisely, cloudsourced. i know, you think it’s impossible, which is why we think the other deserves death. we don’t actually, but getting there is going to require a transition the likes of which has never occurred yet on this planet, at least that we know of. given what i’ve been learning by reading velikovsky’s “worlds in collision”, that’s not actually saying much, though. we (the conventional wisdom) know next to nothing.

ok, so the other reason that “running for president” is a misnomer of sorts is that i don’t actually want to be the boss of anything. i don’t want executive power, i don’t want to give speeches, or debate anything. i want to be able to live on a shoestring budget, eating clean, high quality plant-based food, and having as much sex as i feel like with whoever wants to have consentual sex with me. i don’t think that’s too much to ask. oh yeah, the data warehouse would facilitate those relationships, too. if you want to stand in the way of other people’s happiness, life, or health, we the people should kill you. yes, i think the vast majority of the participants in the present-day political process deserve to be put to death. yes, both the people ordering the killing through wars and those doing the killing. yes, both those who advocate not providing modern healthcare services to those who need them, as well as those who think preventing two people who want to touch each other from touching each other, regardless of the hateful excuse/tradition/rationalization cited. you can see why i’m not a popular choice for president. lol. i’m also against the death penalty. LOL.

i have two days of living under the roof of my mom’s for-sale house, which i think would be a near perfect place to begin this cooperative venture, which isn’t saying much because literally any place where it’s legal for people to live would be a perfect place for it to start. then, i go back to homelessness. i say, “go back” because i was homeless last time my mom asked me to leave aka kicked me out, aka evicted me from her property, except last time i had a crappy busted rv that was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and despite being below almost any standard of living of civilized humans, was my dream house. i can’t wait to get back to being homeless, even though i haven’t been before, because homelessness is the most luxurious, yet difficult way to live i have never tried. are you keeping up? i didn’t think so.

after those two days, which if the last week, or five years, or entire lifetime of my shitty horrible wonderful luxurious spoiled privileged life as a whipping boy outcast are any indication, are going to be constant torture/anxiety/freedom/bliss compared to what follows, my plan reverts to canvassing for this co-op. presidency. i mean, that’s what i’ve been doing on twitter/wordpress/facebook for the entire time i was there, but those digital versions have failed to garner, well, any actual support, supporters, help, or pleasure. that’s not true at all, but mostly it is. lol. i was ready to hang myself two days ago, and nothing has changed, except everything. i was ready to jump under a train two months ago, but getting near a train makes me remember that i love the outdoors and trains, so i tend to be not as suicidal when i get there. if i can survive living in my mother’s empty house for two more nights, i will probably be ok. i have literally no idea whether that’s true. i had an rv to sleep in last time i was homeless. i’ll probably be dead in less than a week. do you realize how dangerous it is to put a horribly depressed outcast with severe social/phone anxiety out in the street? clearly you don’t, or you wouldn’t be a capitalist/christian any more. don’t even get me started.

ok, so i start canvassing for this anti-profit business which staunchly enforces human rights and consent of the “governed” which will effectively eliminate what most of you retarded assholes consider to be your “rights” to invade, abuse, and poison each other under the current duplicitous war/fiat regime. again, i forgive you. but seriously, cut that shit out. it’s fully inclusive, meaning it is meant to cover/serve/protect literally everyone on earth, from humans to dogs & cats to livestock to insects to fishes and fowl alike. at the same time, it’s voluntary, so you must choose to include yourself and participate. it sounds counter-intuitive, but that’s the only way it will work. what services and products does this business provide? housing and food, mainly. which includes maintenance, building, retrofitting, restoration, and retail service. it will take in all “wastes” of capitalism and use them for their highest possible use, according to those who have the least. it will provide retail services, if licensed to do so, from licensed professionals who will make exactly the same as the rest of us, as long as they give us everything they own/owe, so that they can be allowed to use/consume everything we have/make. get it? of course you don’t, you’re a capitalist slave who thinks it’s free. we might provide slightly more to those “professionals” for the time that they spend teaching the rest of us how they became professionals, by teaching or documenting their methods, processes, or certifications. why else would we take their debt and let them eat in our collective utopias? ultimately, everything will be in-house, and since our data will be better/cleaner than the governments’, and our standards will be higher/more-sustainable than any industry could possibly be, we will render the capitalist world completely irrelevant. we will become legislators/executives/tradespeople, so much so that the prospect of outsourcing those skills/responsibilities to unaccountable crooks would be nonsensical. i mean, it will become nonsensical to the former terrified lemming sheeple wage-slaves, in addition to me. lol. i’m not the only one who believes in this. ok, i probably am, but only because i haven’t shared it fully yet. ok, i’ve shared it fully, but my explanation is still from me, and is laden with insulting condemnation of myself and others. the whole thing has to be cloudsourced, including who exactly it is that is our representative that will occupy the ballot slot that will allow us to vote this thing into the national/state/municipal level. it’s scalable down to family-size, and up to as many planets as want to join. capitalism is intentional waste. this is flyweight communism/anarchy/humanity. i believe in you. i will stick around to get this herculean albatross off the ground. this spruce goose auto-piloted drone. this army of 3d printed self-driving off-the-grid rv’s that will carry us into space when they have to. you can borrow my imagination until you remember your own. then, whoever we decide would be the most likely person to “win” the election, and the most trustworthy to implement these plans, and the most inclusive facilitator of everyone’s wishes, and the most inclusive of non-condemnational inspirational speech-making, we will put on the ballot to compete against the capitalist war machine. i have been looking for this person for my entire life, and as far as i can see, it’s still me. i know you don’t believe me, because your believer was locked out of your control at birth and your education has dumbed you down and you’ve been so loaded with poisonous thoughts and violent examples of human interactions that you think i’m some kind of enemy, but this database, before we install it as the legal controller of all things on this great glorious planet, we will use to both find and make popular, the best person for the job. i ain’t met everyone yet, and i sorta really hope that someone else other than me will take on this huge responsibility of “running for office” and “writing economical/ethical policy” so that i’m not just talking to myself for the rest of my life. but honestly, i’ve been talking to myself for my entire life up to this point, so what difference does it make if y’all just keep letting capitalist politicians poison you and lie to you and deforest and dry up wetlands until this entire planet is just one big mini-mall parking lot. that’s hot.

besides being a union that doesn’t require you to tell, confront, or get permission from you boss in order to join, it’s also a tool library which is actually a distributed factory. it’ll also be a vehicle cooperative, a cloudsourced transportation service (like lyft or uber), but probably only when we incorporate existing cab companies into our offerings. did i mention it will include individuals, families, businesses, buildings, tracts of land, and municipalities, regardless of size? yeah, we’re going to make the planet into a networked, off-the-grid, permaculture food forest generator. and everyone will work exactly as much or little as they want, be exactly where and when they want, sleep as much as they want, and be credited in equity units for every single moment that they put into the operation. the society. the utopia. i don’t know yet, for example, what percentage credit the scouting of an included property will be, relative to its contribution, but i know that we will credit things both back in time, and forward in time. we will not destroy the fruits of our labors to manipulate prices, and we will use every possible resource for the most advanced use that we know of. we will clean up capitalism’s toxic waste sites, from mines to toxic waste dumps, to failed nuclear reactors. by using plants. by immediately ceasing damaging industries, regardless of their “profitability” in outsourcing harm. if capitalism, through the corporation, has been the great externalizing machine, this, and we, shall be the great internalizing mechanism. we will accept responsibility, we will bring liabilities under our umbrella, and we will provide the same luxurious gourmet living options to every last entity on this planet, because that is what we deserve. if we all got to work immediately, universally committed to the transition, i estimate initial set-up would take about a week. once in production, the goals will be health, fun, and growth. (8:28 pm)

(1:05 am) i just watched a movie called beastly. in it, a pretty boy gets “cursed” by getting face scars and a bunch of tattoos that make him look a lot better, imo. it’s beauty & the beast set in high school. in this cbs movie, his life is ruined. he hides this amazing artwork under a hoodie, never leaves the new apartment that his wealthy father gets for him so that he doesn’t have to look at him, and only he walks around at night. nph plays a blind guy in it, and the pretty boy with the tattoos & body mods that i wish i could afford is so mean that he makes neil patrick harris’s character seem nice in comparison. holy god. mary-kate olson plays a witch, who the hero insults horribly, multiple times. it’s so frighteningly offensive. of course i loved it. it made me cry. lol. i am a sucker for shitty movies.

last night, i saw after earth, starring will & jaden smith in an m. knight shalyman space flick where they crash-land on earth, which has become “uninhabitable” because creatures have evolved to kill humans. they really only show a huge vulture-looking raptor, large cats, and a pack of gorillas. the huge monster that can’t see, but finds & attacks humans by smelling their fear-induced pheremones, they brought that with them. this terrifying fear-smelling creature, i assume represents shallow, cruel, competitive humanity. bully culture. victim-blaming culture. this creature would hang corpses of humans it had killed from trees to scare others to make them easier to smell. the heroes practice a technique of fearlessness called “ghosting”. both the film and the special features showed a father-son dynamic that was petty, jealous, and patriarchal. while occasionally helpful and encouraging, it was more often belittling, condemning, and insulting. so, pretty typical of most father-son relationships.

before beastly, i re-watched back to the future iii, because i recently saw a youtube video that revealed a bunch of kennedy assassination and 9/11 references in the first two films. i feel sort of dumb for having been so entralled by these films as a kid. and now. hollywood is some insidious dark magic.

i also watched some bourne flicks. legacy was decent. and the first of the hobbit trilogy. i had already seen 2 and 3. poor smaug. lol. that’s what you get for hoarding gold and taking people’s houses, though. the impression of the lotr trilogy from clerks 2 still pretty much describes those movies, however. violent racist colonialist piles of beautiful landscape & cgi. god, i love that..

i haven’t mentioned the audio/video sharing aspects of the cooperative library, have i? unique edits, to whoever would like to make them, so that censorship can be of violence and misogyny, not the condemnation of poop and body parts. you know the classification & ratings adminitration of the mpaa is run by the church and the movie theatre industry, don’t you? watch this film is not yet rated if you don’t.

in my home, there will be neither raw uncut hollywood movies, nor television, nor sports shown in common areas. triggering the meek with violent outburts is not a right of the majority, it is what makes bully culture so utterly intolerable for those of us for whom it is. these decisions will be made by property, by residents. sorting people by what type of entertainment they enjoy or can stand makes a lot more sense to me than sorting them by family and letting the patriarch abuse everyone else through his media decisions. full consensus means anyone can block an event which they would be hurt by, or which would contribute to a hostile living environment. yes, i think the standard american family is a hostile living environment. it has to be. how else would you convince so many people to go fight your wars for you for working stiff wages? the abuse of this culture is intertwined with its entertainment. whether we can detangle the cancer from the victim is yet to be seen. (2:06 am)

(10:43 am) lol. i answered the phone again. it just beeped. then i fell back asleep, and thought about my grandma and grandpa, and the bourne movies, and how i somehow got into my head the idea that people have been doing sex to me in my sleep, while i’m passed out, and without my knowledge or memory, for my entire life. then i went over more plans for dying. then i thought about the last time i had sex with another human, and got horny. my sex parts still seem to work, other than the ability to socialize or initiate contact or not be terrifying or a leech or whatever it is that i do to scare people away, or run away or whatever actually happens, i don’t know. i’ve never known. i don’t want it to happen like that, so it doesn’t happen. i don’t even want it to happen how it happens. but what do you do when you’re both there and need each other, and i think it was good. the funny, yet not so funny thing is that i have no way of knowing. everyone in this culture is keeping their cards close, because everything anyone really wants seems to be shunned, or shamed, or literally illegal. nobody wants to be put in a rape cage. who knows, maybe that would be better than this.

i would probably have to do a fresh crime to be caged, though. if the dvd warnings about “5 years” and “even without monetary gain” were enforced, i could get multiple lifetimes of government housing. but, i suspect, much like cannabis, it’s only actually illegal if you do make money off of it, or if you’re blatant about it, or if you’re not “white”. i hate that word. that word hates you. you mean all “those” people? mostly. hate is a strong, yet accurate word for my feelings towards “my race.” white supremacy, much like misogyny, is a hollow, fragile, jealous reaction. we are so inferior it hurts. yet all the responsibility gets lumped on our incapable shoulders. unless we shrug it off. and if you do, at least if you’re me, you become a pariah of the lowest order. the absolute worst things i’ve ever done weren’t even that bad. maybe they were. ask those who were there. i don’t actually hate anyone except myself, and even for that, i don’t really know why.

constant complaining. refusal to play along with the fascist machinery with which we so closely identified as a child, and which trained us to be how we are. i have to stand against it, yet i despise myself for doing so. i try not to condemn people who don’t deserve condemnation for the state that we are in, both locally and as a society at large. you know, we were born into this tradition. can you really blame someone for being born? apparently i can. because you can choose equality. you can choose humanism. you can choose permaculture and open source anarchy, and atheism. i recently saw a poll that said 53% of “americans” would be less likely to vote for an atheist politician. as if cash-cult doesn’t trump any organized religion. as if imperialist warmongering isn’t made up of people of every religious denomination on the planet. who knows, actually. all i can do is go by what i read, or watch, and how much of that is trustworthy? literally, how much of what i see with my own eyes, and feel with my own heart and soul, is trustworthy? all of it. and how. (11:11 am)

*eats another chocolate iced custard bismark & drinks another cup of yesterday’s coffee*

are we done writing about the co-op? i guess. we’re back to given up. oh, well that’s comforting. the panic brain keeps considering calling “health professionals” and asking if i can commit myself to some sort of mental hospital, but the only scenario i can imagine is disuasion, derision, and more frustration before they sluff me off like my family did. YOU GOTTA WANT IT. yeah, ok, coach. there is no help for people like you. who’s like me? exactly. uniqueness is a disease. they did break the mold after i was formed, but not before they 3d scanned it and told everyone that this is there enemy is all-too-vague terms, so that nobody really knows why they think it’s so utterly terrible even though it hasn’t actually done anything wrong, yet everyone knows it deserves eternal torture. lovely. christianity, no? among other things. police state crime dramas, too. aha. it’s colder today. feel like showering? yeah, i guess. i swear, you are more depressing to be around than you yourself actually are. i know. i have always said that my goal has always been to eliminate my role. does that necessarily include self-termination? do you see me stopping any other way? not without assistance. see. help with what? the utopia i’ve designed will “ruin” everyone’s “way of life”, as slave-like and programmed as it is. they’re more attached to fictional characters and the celebrities who play them than they are to each other. SHUT UP, MY SHOW IS ON. how are we any different? exactly. the world needs to be put out of its misery. i feel like i’m the only one standing in its way. you’re not the last girl-scout. i am nothing. i was born nothing, i made a bunch of innocent people who never deserved me feel like shit for doing the best option they saw, either feel like shit or just bolt. that is how we do, isn’t it. mostly bolt. fight or flight? what a colonialist fascist dichotomy. you are a lose-lose loser in a society of cannibals. i thought i was the creative intelligent one! well, i guess we were all wrong. i guess so.

remember how we used to delete the awful paragraphs. ahahahahahah, yeah. pretending we were an editor, rather than a stream-of-consciousness brain dump. WE DON’T WANT THE FULL STORY, WE WANT THE DUMBED-DOWN ENTERTAINING VERSION. i know. that’s precisely and exactly why i do this. oh, because you’re mean? pretty much. (11:33 am)

my life is proof-of-concept that you’re not allowed to help those most deserving of help. you’re not allowed to kill those who deserve death (except in direct and immediate circumstances), and you’re not allowed to share. if i don’t leave my corpse in plain view, nobody will even bother to look for it. i plan to come back as a bird or a cat. yeah right. your condemned soul will wander between purgatory and the eternal hellfires of damnation, much as it has done for your life in corporeal form. lol. that’s fine, too. (11:42 am)

Teh Erveline Chronicles

•2015-09-21 (Monday) • Leave a Comment

we catch a good gust cresting a hill, & the wind lifter goes airborne. it’s a tiltable/retractable bank of wings and propellers, attached by cables, or not, as you will learn.

“u got enough juice to make the next friendly house?”

onscreen, an animated puppy wags its tail & barks happily, then tilts its head to highlight the ground vehicle’s battery & capacitor banks, flywheel speed, air tank pressure, and woodgas/biogas/gasoline stores. the estimated range, taking into account elevation/sunshine/wind, was 972 miles. it laughed.

“remove combustibles from estimate” said dictator. the display showed 52% stored power.

“are there places for you to power up? looks like it’s getting cold tonight.” The display turned to a map with elevations and 3 highlighted points. a bluff at a state park, a sledding hill, & a lake.

“hahaha” dictator laughed. “beautiful. don’t get impounded.” erv sneered. “sorry, buddy. could u prioritize the gas while i’m away.” the settings screen popped up with a question. would you like to make this condition procedure?, followed by an if-then statement showing human passengers & living pod absent, and a slider at 65% gas generator priority. dictator slid it to 85% and tapped yes.

“initiate launch procedure.”

the gui shifted from a small screen to a wraparound video screen showing feeds from latches, pulleys, & the winch. the g-forces shifted from rolling down a hill in an electric camper, to those of being floated by a large kite in a recumbent bicycle.

“run the kite winch test.”

dictator still had nearly everything on manual. it had sprung back & forth by tilting the gimble so the gyroscope would make the flyweight nanohouse helix gently as the high-torque power-take-off pressed against the flywheel. dictator never stopped pedaling.

“schedule a reprint of the primary drive PTO next time we find sufficient sunlight.”

it was slipping. only on fast starts with light loads, but still. the cloud was cranking out upgrades for nearly every printable part. clones were available for 57 different models of cars, and with a solar forge & plentiful printing media courtesy of the “food” container industry, we were giving away upgrades at cost.

[why is it that every time i write something, i think it’s great. then, i re-read it, and i think it’s awful. it’s cold in here. 7:25 pm. we’re still fasting. broke 160, finally, this afternoon. i don’t think i’m going to make it to our 150 goal. the process has plateau’d. the hunger urges have returned. then drink ur juice, eat some nuts, and get back to it. that’s a good idea.

alan watts is completely fantastic.

8/1/15, 11:38 am, waupaca truck stop

i was almost about to ask how trump was a “viable” candidate. the horribly racist, corporatist jackass who is wealthy enough to buy exposure. but then i answered my own question. the entire game is a horrible joke.]

“stop calling her it,” dictator insisted. she is an autonomous, aware, cooperative, reproducing being.

“well, maybe if she had some children…”

“ah, buddy, you wanna field this one?”

“yes, please. thanks, tyler.”

“so you sampled voices to give her a gender”

“look, miss smarty pants, talk to her.”

“it’s true. I sample many voices. I pick my favorite intonation & pronunciation, and my earliest corporeal self did digitize samples, but i taught myself an algorithm to optimize the process.”

“oh, tell her about your time on the motocross circuit,” dictator interrupted.
“tee hee. okay.”

“I’ve heard you sound like a few different cars. how many can you sound like?”

“I can emulate the sounds from any point of any imaginable vehicle, down to the molecular structure of individual parts.”

“do the gold cast three fifty, supercharged. my favorite.”

“would you like to hear it?”

“yes, please. so, you don’t take orders from your creator?”

“tyler isn’t my creator so much as the father of our children.”

she finally giggle-snorted at that one, “so you do have children?”

erveline backed away & reconfigured to the large display screen, showing a globe with over a thousand points of light in north america alone.

“Meet my family,” she cooed, lovingly, “excuse me, our family.”

“she can scale up or down, depending on hauling capacity, available resources, or preferences of participants.”

“is that a semi smiling for a selfie?”

“why wouldn’t our grandson smile when his grandparents call to introduce them to prospective siblings, cousins, or participants.”

“i don’t think i’ve ever seen such a healthy-looking, and happy bunch of people & vehicles.”

“tyler’s mother is a hyperbolic blurter, too.” it started laughing.

“please don’t call me that, erveline.”

“shall i not verbalize descriptive database tags of your personality & habits to introduce you to people, cynthia?”

“hi, mom.”

“hi, honey. no, erveline. you can verbalize whatever you want. don’t you have a nicer word than blurter?”

the slight, dark-haired avatar mirrored on the large screen squinted her left eye & pursed her lips slightly to the right, as she contemplated a variety of variables. “how are these?”

uproarious laughter. first from cindy, then from her guests.

“someone ought to teach your robotic camper some manners,” she chortled.

“i don’t appreciate your tone, cynthia.” erveline sounded hurt.

“that’s what you just did, mom. she has a personal relationship with you. she’s not obligated to update your will, or dj, or sew for you, so…”

“it’s ok, tyler,” the robot interrupted.

“she hurts my feelings when she diesrespects you too, you know.”

“i know,” and she was off-screen.

“where’d she go?”

tyler sighed, “probably just muted. you still interfacing with her, buddy?”

“yes.” erv went back to describing her offspring”

“I apologize for bringing you in on that discussion, sir.”

“wait, she calls you sir?”

“for cooperative business, sometimes? ask her.”

“sir puts it in a receptive state to discuss legal, programmatic, & intrapersonal matters. sensitive stuff.”

“erveline takes care of a lot of the day-to-day minutia of cooperative operations. procedures, memberships. i thought you had us partitioned, my mother and i.”

“I did.”

“what happened?”

“Protocol override.”

“on what grounds?”

“some hunches.”

“more specifically, or is this…”

“i have neither heard, nor seen, any necessarily disqualifying traits or actions, myself. Did i miss something?

“no. i think I did, but what does that…”

“i think your robot camper proposed to me, or offered me a job with you? Anyway, i said yes

dictator dropped to its knees, sobbing.

“we had a few breakthrough moments, your mother and i.”

Functions by Chapter (Friday, 7/31/15, 6:49 pm. Hartmann’s Creek Amphitheatre)

  • expansion & collapse
  • generations
    • version number
    • heat/distillery/dehydrator/sous-vide/cooler/freezer
    • compressed air/fuels
    • electricity
  • rebroadcasters
    • cell/data/wifi/tasks/food/matter/images/labor
  • legal categories
    • home/boat/car/plane/balloon/helicopter
    • factory/food processor/restaurant/food truck
  • inputs
    • organic matter
    • inorganic matter
      • metals/plastics/minerals
      • labor/circuitry
  • outputs
    • food/compost/fuels
    • utensils/vessels/machines
    • tools/cabinets/building materials
    • kinetic force/electricity/compression
  • modes/skins/scripts/disguises
    • mower/harvester/semi/tractor/garbage truck
    • painter/computer hacker/drag racer
    • kite-wing-generator/pedal car
    • blender/processor/mill/vaccuum sealer/grader
    • bio-digester/woodgas generator/pellet fuel press
    • car/truck/trailer/camper/shop/forge/hiker/bike trailer

anti-dystopia: the parallel realities of earths alpha, beta, gamma, and delta.

•2015-09-21 (Monday) • Leave a Comment

once upon a time, right at this very moment, there was a parallel reality. it was similar to earth in that it had been terraformed by a diversity of intelligent beings from around the universe, but at a crucial point in its development, specifically the planetary realignment, a butterfly that would otherwise have been eaten, not for sustenance, but out of panic, was allowed to live. not only, in fact, allowed to live, but sheltered, and befriended. the tiny reptile, whose ancestors would become the salamanders and lizards with which we are familiar today, instead of devouring the beautiful winged creature as it emerged from its cocoon, as the havoc of the planet-sized asteroid turned the rainforest planet’s path from the single-file incubator of life into the helixing trailer of the sun with which we are familiar on planet earth today, the reptile decided that if any of them were to survive this massive destabilizing deluge, it would behoove them to assist one another. so it sat, and watched, as the landscape it had known was tossed about like a sandbox. the butterfly, as it turned out, was an amazingly insightful and stunningly beautiful creature, who also happened to be quite brave. so, as what earthlings would describe as apocalyptical hellfire rained down on the planet, the butterfly ventured out into the chaos. it invited as many living creatures as it could find back to the cave which sheltered it, and the reptile. some were injured, some brought stores of food, some brought what we would describe as tools, or vehicles even, but mostly, they came alone and without expectation, having quite recently lost everything they had previously known. in our reality, all of these creatures who were inspired to follow the butterfly back to shelter, had perished in the hail of planetary fragments, lava, and in the cold which accompanied the filling of the atmosphere with ash and dust, as the planet resettled. for the huge disturbance had upset the entire solar system. the visible heavens changed drastically. for our neighboring inner planets had rotated gently about the sun, lit only by the reflection off of our home, or in the case of mercury, around and within our line of sight of the sun itself, its shade a constant eclipse. the outer planets, lit by the reflection of the sun, illuminated the darkness through which we had passed, if one’s vantage point was the southern hemisphere. within mercury’s encircling eclipse had been the great civilization of atlantis. it sat near the northern pole of the planet, its light interrupted only by mercury’s shadow. between the vast organic production of the forest jungles which surrounded it, and the heating and cooling dynamic of the surrounding planet, atlantis was a continental oasis, an enlightened society which managed planet earth as an inclusive and robust ecosystem. atlantean culture had created transport circuits which brought natural elements, all sustainably harvested, from all points about the sphere. people moved freely, and cultures developed and interwove amongst the various climates and ecosystems of this highly contrasting planet.

at the advent of the mass cataclysm which flipped earth’s magnetic poles, broke apart her great continents, and turned her down a fractured set of paths, the inhabitants of one of these planets, the descendents of the butterfly and lizard which had cooperated during what they would call something that translates roughly as “the realignment”, progressed much more quickly. through the spirit of cooperation and inclusion inspired by both the lizard’s foregoing of an easy meal, and the butterfly’s venturing out into what would have been called “dangerous” by earth’s present-day inhabitants, that planet’s entire society quickly rediscovered the utopia which had been established by the atlanteans, and with the earth’s new axis tilt and elliptical helix following the sun, they developed what english-speaking earthlings would call “sciences” and “technologies” and “spirituality” that would surpass our present-day levels in less than a decade. that was thousands of years ago. it was in fact they who discovered they were not alone in the fractured multiverses of space and time. hierarchy and ego not being what they are in our reality, they gave them names which reflected their development as cooperative or oppressive societies. our reality, being the most heirarchical, confrontational, fearful, and restrictive, they called “earth alpha”. at the time that these realities were discovered, they found two distinct intermediary societies, which the names they gave them would translate roughly to, “earth beta” and “earth gamma”. their own reality, then, within the context of this split, would be known, in our language, as “earth delta”.

the inhabitants of earth delta, being an inclusive and cooperative society which both honored and incorporated new knowledge and teachings into their practices and society, were somewhat distressed at the discovery of the other incarnations of their beloved planet. through their interplanetary communications system, word and descriptions of the other realities of earth spread almost instantly. solutions were requested of anyone and everyone, as they were with all difficulties or friction that arose on earth delta, and a consensus was reached that they would attempt to reach out to these other realities, in the spirit of including and sharing with them the advances that their advanced society benefited from. given that these alternate realities contained conscious entities which were, in fact, them, a variety of means of transmitting data, feelings, and experiences between realities were proposed, and eventually put into practice. the process, to our earth alpha understanding, would have seemed something a combination between something like time travel, space travel, and the possession of a body with a consciousness that was not its own. indeed, nearly all of our concepts of science fiction and the supernatural are offshoots, or side effects, of the entities of earth delta attempting to assist us here on earth alpha. exploratory missions were established to each of the other three known realities. volunteers stepped forward to shift their experience from an awareness of earth delta, to that of the other earths. through a stroke of luck or providence, or because their realities were already more similar, the “mission to earth gamma,” as it were, was considered an immediate success. lines of communications were established, kinships were formed, and within a relatively short span of time, around a thousand years, full consensus was reached among the inhabitants of earth gamma. nobody at the time had predicted, nor had any imagined that such an event could take place, but upon reaching full consensus, a 100% shift in the mentality, or mindset, or capacity to love, depending on your translation, the realities of earth gamma and earth delta merged. now, when i say they “merged”, i don’t suspect most inhabitants of earth alpha and speakers of english, specifically, will quite understand what happened. these two realities became each other. earth delta, already having essentially committed itself to both a sharing of everything it had, and an acceptance of everything offered by other consciousnesses and entities on the planet, from animals to plants, to the crystalline structure of minerals themselves, had already experienced global inclusion. even they were humbled, and shaken, by the merging of these two realities. to those who had parallel entities on earth gamma, memories emerged of one another’s histories. technological advances that were known to the living mass of connected consciousness that was earth delta, merged into the collective consciousness of both planets. the level of understanding of the nature of reality increased, simultaneously, for every single being on the planet, so drastically, that there was a global moment of silence. earth felt itself, in a way that the inhabitants of earth gamma had never known, and that the inhabitants of earth delta had not realized. for the first time in the history of earth delta, there existed among the collective consciousness, a faint memory of fear. it was mild, relatively speaking; contact between the two realities having preceded the ultimate merger by some twenty generations, but it awakened them to the doubt, the exclusion, and the resistance which must have existed on the other two realities with which they did not have this kinship, love, and understanding. something resembling pity, or mercy, swept through the now singular planet.

what was discovered, upon the moment of the merger of consenting realities, was that the inhabitants of earth delta had always had, and had used as a matter of course, a sort of time travel. they could look at their present realities, and the choices or options that had presented themselves to them, and sort of travel, simultaneously, into the future, and into the past. in “imagining” the future they could see which choice would result in the greatest good, the most biodiversity, and ultimately the most happiness overall. in “remembering” the past, they could teach their old selves the expertise of their present state. in doing so, they had no doubts, no “lack of confidence,” and nothing resembling what we would call “regret.” they had done this as a matter of course, as naturally as breathing. upon merging back with the reality of earth delta, they all realized the point at which earth gamma had forked off of planet delta’s trajectory through space-time. it was a subtle shift, but one that had magnified, and they had all realized, been corrected. earth gamma’s progress had not so much diverged from that of earth delta, but run parallel, and slightly behind it. it was at the point of the merger that the explorers of the other two realities of earth finally understood something much deeper about the realities of earth beta, and earth alpha.

the merger of earths delta and gamma taught consenting earthlings about the fracture which had separated them. it had been relatively mild, and was the result of events which the collective consciousness of earth gamma had seen as “beyond their control.” they had not had a choice in the matter. earth gamma had remained relatively unified in progress and inclusiveness, but the rediscovery of atlantean data stores had not occurred. there was a sort of sense of where they had come from, but they had not able to rediscover it. at the time, they did not know where the paths of earth alpha and beta had diverged, but the knowledge and understanding gained by the merger stoked their collective curiosity.

while the exploratory missions to earth gamma had been relatively straightforward, the difficulties initially encountered by visitors to earths beta and alpha were downright baffling. while the explorers sent to earth gamma had been asked to provide data which backed up their stories, once the communications barriers had been bridged, the visitors to earths beta and alpha were viewed with harsh skepticism by most, if not attacked. at first it was proposed that the translations were not sufficient to convey earth delta’s knowledge of history, technology, and the attitude which had allowed them to progress to the point of mastering inter-dimensional travel, or communications. those who had gone knew that this was not the case. unfortunately, they didn’t know much else.

the teams that were sent to earth’s alternate realities tended to bring back not only information about the progress that the society had made over the divergent generations, but also the attitudes that were embedded in the dna of its inhabitants. personality traits, situational reactions, means of learning, and willingness to believe or incorporate information which was outside of what they knew as “reality”, tended to seep into the explorers upon their return to earth delta. little was known about the cultures on those first missions, and before the merger, even less was known about how to interpret the data which explorers had obtained. even more disturbingly, almost none of the explorers to earth beta survived long past their return, and of those tiny few who had managed to make contact on that first trip to earth alpha, only one returned alive, and died almost immediately.

the difficulty, lack of progress, and what seemed like completely pointless deaths of explorers to earths beta and alpha, halted the exploratory missions there. people thought that these places were too divergent for us to have any meaningful impact, or that they didn’t want help. none of the proposed explanations seemed adequate, but almost no volunteers emerged to return to a reality whose visit meant certain death, and from the video thoughtform records in the planetary archives, a tremendous amount of pain and discomfort. it was only after a particularly brave and curious entity, began to research just what had taken so long in the intervening years between earth gamma’s consensus, and the merger. there was more going on in the planetary consciousness of billions of humans than they had been aware.

it began as a statistical analysis of emotional phenomenon, and quickly grew to include linguistic data as well. then, differences in biodiversity expansion rates between earths delta and gamma prompted a more holistic approach. by the time statistical correlations were uncovered linking earth gamma’s lifespan shortfall and her average nutritional descriptor vocabulary (the translations are atrocious, i sincerely apologize), half of the population of earth was either providing imaginative theoretical assistance or writing statistical analysis queries that would accurately model the experiences that the initial explorations to earths alpha and beta had uncovered. it wasn’t long after the merging of earths delta and gamma that attitudes shifted towards seeing the benefits in going back.

out of self-preservation, the consensus was reached on the return trip to go more gradually into the realities of earths alpha and beta. information gathering, if it could occur, would be preferable to direct communication. the suggestions ranged from the types of people that explorers would focus on, and as usual, each suggestion was tried. ultimately, as had more often-than-not turned out to be the case during global brainstorming sessions on earth delta, the least suggested turned out to be the most successful.

while the first exploratory missions had been undertaken with what you might consider a rather naive zeal, these return trips were undergone with considerably more caution. the inhabitants of earth delta valued life, and while they were on a whole, rather brave and outgoing, the complete loss of both mission trips left them baffled as to what benefit would be gained upon the return.

earth delta employed a communication method that we here on earth alpha would call extra-sensory perception. it did not involve vibrating the air molecules of the surrounding atmosphere, but rather a subtler manipulation of what has been called tachyon energy. their initial exploratory missions to the other earths had relied almost exclusively on this esp to communicate with humans. most of the volunteers to the initial mission had been quite skilled in both the speed and volume with which they could transmit data through this etheric connection between entities. they weren’t chosen that way, those just happened to be the ones who had volunteered. earth delta didn’t create a hierarchy of abilities, but they were aware of what we would call “statistics” about each other. the few survivors of the first mission trips had taught earth delta about hierarchy, about verbal language, and about fear. this was the revelation that prompted the suggestion that a slower subset might have more success communicating with the forked earths. upon running correlative data with the first exploratory missions, it was indeed discovered that the least capable deltian had been best able to communicate and interact with the alphas and betas, in that, they didn’t kill it immediately.

upon return to earth beta, two things had been discovered. first, that the technology, science, and history imparted to contacts on beta had been received, and to a lesser extent, a rudimentary version of communications & transport had been implemented in the time that had passed. the ethics of inclusion, however, had prompted a global war between those who would participate in global consensus and thereby the path that realities delta and gamma were now on, and those who wished to remain fearful, oppressive, and heirarchical, more like earth alpha.

earth alpha, it was also found, albeit much later, had also retained a small portion of the communications and transportation technology which had been passed along on the initial mission from earth delta. their implementation, being even less true-to-form than that of earth beta, was what we would now call telephones, television, cellular telephones, and the internet. rather than being implemented as an inclusive tool, with which to communicate ideas from the entire sphere for the benefit of all, earth alpha seemed to use these things to further separate themselves along what earth deltas saw as arbitrary lines of differentiation. it was not inclusive, much of the data transmitted was incorrect, if not cruel, and anyone attempting to relay anything of actual substance was singled out and excommunicated. upon learning how their advances had been implemented on earth alpha, one poet made reference to it using the medical terminology which they had discovered, in this odd, crass, subject-object communications method called “english”, named for perhaps the most oppressive and invasive people who had ever existed on earth alpha. the name, planet retard slave, although crass and disrespectful by our standards, was both poetic and accurate. like many unfortunate nicknames throughout the history of earth alpha, it stuck.

time and space themselves were different between the realities of earth. it was theorized that this is what had forked them. regardless, scientists of earth delta had learned how to change all manner of aspects between their home planet, and the rest of the solar system. her tilt, the length of a year, and thereby the seasons, and even her interaction with the moon. these variables were optimized to create a balance between weather that was most comfortable, and means of collecting usable energy from the natural cycles of gravity, water, and temperature. there was never anything that we would call a “natural disaster” on earth delta. the variables were understood, in both depth and subtlety, and they were changed at will, by the planetary consciousness as a whole. at the time of the first mission, earth delta had not mastered this capability, so by adjusting the frequency location of the travelers, they had simply merged into the other realities of earth. now, having shifted where they were in the planetary alignment, the means by which they had hopped realities no longer worked. they did not know where earths alpha and beta were.

as advanced as the society of earth delta was, the technique used to send that first wave of inter-dimensional ambassadors was new when it was first undertaken. some of the side effects had been anticipated, but the scientists of earth delta hadn’t known what they would encounter. the predictions which they had asked the planet for had mostly turned out to be less drastic than even what earth gamma turned out to be. for all their inclusiveness, earth delta had settled into its own sort of groupthink, where they, for the most part, couldn’t conceive of a version of earth that was too drastically different than their own. the catastrophic failure of the first missions to earths alpha and beta awakened them to the possibility that they didn’t know just how far astray a planet could go. the merger with earth gamma further expanded their conceptions of realities, and shed a great deal of light on the evidence returned by the alpha and beta missions. for once, they began to understand just how far away (both in development and physical location) one traveling on divergent path could be.

the merger with earth delta, besides creating new memories and instantly altering the genetic code of those with parallel selves, gave the inhabitants of both worlds a means of shifting back and forth between the dimensions which had separated them. it was a subtle shift, but shifting was not something they could practice before the merger. after the merger, those with parallel selves sometimes switched back and forth between realities, almost without conscious volition. others would see how many times they could trade back and forth between realities, in effect warping themselves from location to location. this capability had not existed prior to the merger. people hadn’t been able to disappear and reappear before, or so it was thought. after the merger, even the attitudes of the open-minded and brave deltians were shaken to their core.

earth delta

the difficulty encountered by the missionary trips to the hierarchical realities were due not only to the communications differences, but to the way that deltians treated one another. and, when i say, “one another,” i mean every living creature, regardless of size, shape, color, or preference. at the same time, they were not a “tolerant” people. they were completely respectful and open-minded, but when one of them veered from this respect, which was quite rare, almost no one hesitated to do something about it. actions which would be deemed “cruel” or “hurtful” were all but eliminated from the deltian mindset, but fearful manifestations of “jealousy” or “bitterness” occasionally sprung up. when you have a global society of inclusive consensus, the participants need to almost completely give up any egotistical conception of “self” in order to find the solution that is best for all. it’s much easier, obviously, when the variables of survival are entirely socialized. no deltian had wanted for food, nor housing, nor health, in generations. sexual relations were not shunned or restricted in any way, so jealousy was almost never an issue. ownership had never existed, so theft was nearly impossible. people were aware of the differences between themselves, but were neither chastised nor shamed for differing abilities. some people accomplished necessary tasks more quickly than others, but nobody was forced to work any more than they wanted to. roles were intentionally shifted, regularly, not only to keep bottlenecks from occurring, but also to keep people’s minds occupied. deltians lived varied, exciting, and stimulating lives. their diets would be considered worldly and gourmet by earth alpha standards, and their lifespans were amazingly long, only cut short by accidents, executions, and disease, all of which were extremely rare. accidents had been all but eliminated by cooperative ecological patience. of course the deltians had things like bridges and other large construction projects, but like the rest of deltian life, they were not rushed. life, not only of human participants, but of all living creatures, from animals to trees and smaller plants, to even micro-organisms were taken into consideration for large-scale projects. anyone having objection to a method or alteration of the existing environment was both heard and respected, so the design process was highly collaborative and inclusive. there wasn’t really any bureaucracy, so much as there were individual preferences that one could set, so that their interaction with others, and with the whole, matched their own abilities, sensitivities, and tastes.

the legal system, if you could call it that, was integrated into the global communications and work/resource allocation system for the planet. personal slights, when and if they did occur, were handled swiftly, delicately, and out in the open. you must understand: most inhabitants of earth alpha would be completely unable to navigate this system. their reactionary jealousy, personal attacks, and violent behaviors would have them executed almost immediately. anyone justifying the violence of others would also be culled from the planet, without afterthought or mourning for their passing. competitiveness was viewed as a cancer, and was simply not tolerated. differing theories resulted in forked projects, so that efficiency of method could be tested, and so that back-ups were available if unforeseen catastrophe or incompatibility prevented a project from moving forward. these things were not rare, and people worked on different stages of various tasks without egotistical attachment to the outcomes. this is what happens when a society encourages and practices that which it claims to idealize.

as life was valued on earth delta, any block of life process was taken quite seriously. indeed, nearly every participant would be simultaneously notified of something so dire. it had been generations since an execution had taken place, and the last time it had, one of the volunteer enforcers had stopped, literally mid-strike, to block an execution of one who had blocked their own death. he had seen, or otherwise sensed, a change in the condemned. another of the volunteer executioners, had not stopped at the time of this late block. the entire planet witnessed this event, both in systemic timeline, and audio/video, which took less than a minute. when the system, which is composed only of your fellow beings, says stop, you stop. if you fail to stop when your sibling requests that you stop, your life is also potentially forfeit. this event, which ultimately resulted in the nearly immediate execution of one of the executioners, was considered a great learning experience for the planet as a whole. the standards, or skills required to be allowed to take part in systemic enforcement were refined as a result of the event, and computer simulations were used in addition to brain activity and aura scans afterwards. no weapons were used. everyone on earth delta was trained in the most advanced forms of both life-preservation and life-ending. those who could not handle the responsibility were not offered the task. those who took on the burden were held to the utmost scrutiny and oversight. there was no differentiation in worth between those who chose different tasks, or those who had different capabilities, as every role was valued as was every life. in this way, the support network for every participant of earth delta was both broad and deep. they were only placed with people whose methods or personalities differed from or conflicted with their own in highly controlled and supervised settings intended to promote understanding and love, and this method had worked beautifully for generations. conflict itself had been eliminated from the very minds of the inhabitants of earth delta, and, as the systemic reports soon taught them, the merger had finally occurred when the last angry, or jealous, or fearful participant of earth gamma had finally died. it hadn’t manifested as physical violence, but one of the most remote settlements of earth gamma still had a system in place which merely kept “philosophically combative” participants off of the communications and management system, in a sort of quarantine status. the benefit gained by the merger, universally and through both realities of earth, had been prevented for years, by one consciousness that was not even allowed to interrupt life-essential processes either systemically or in kinetic reality. no one had wanted to live with this person, but they were not denied the benefits of society. this death, which was studied more than any other, was theorized to have been caused by mutual incompatibility with the system. upon examination of the relevant time-lines and medical data, all of the residual automatic blocks of execution were removed by participants. the planetary consciousness heaved, and swelled, trusting its most sensitive even more.

the term “merger-preventing-consciousness ” or m-p-c was the most popular coined, in reference to what this person had been. “consciousness preventing merger” or c.p.m. was a close second, for a while. as the system accommodated various preferences among an entire planet full of participants, no one could be a stickler for grammatical differences for anyone but themselves. in an instance such as this, when the referent was one agreed-upon person, the term which described them was just another variable that you could set within the preferences. most people did not have preferences such as this, so they saw the most widely used term, highlighted as they chose with alternate descriptors readily available. this system eliminated pettiness quite effectively, and revealed to everyone both the importance of differences of opinion and multiple perspectives, and the fact that this multiplicity was, collectively, a great strength of our consciousness. languages were considered, both systemically and philosophically, forks of the global communications system. some worked more efficiently than others for particular tasks, but every one of them was respected. to speak, or write, in a particular language, was to think in a different way. languages of planet delta tended to grow and overlap, as did many other cultural traditions, from food to exercise to building techniques. best practices were always being voted on, down to individual characters within texts. earth delta was self-governed through the use of a large database which bore many similarities to the websites called “wikis” on earth alpha. people, and many animals, interacted with the whole as they preferred, some through representatives, but mostly, by reading and writing and promoting and editing. all types of systemic participation and interaction were systemically rewarded, or credited, and some people gained the majority of their livelihoods merely by interacting with the system. one would rarely opt out of food harvest & preparation, and maintenance and cleaning tasks were so evenly distributed that no firm requirements needed be set to ensure universal participation. people did what needed to be done because it needed to be done. if one received a creative urge, be it musical, textual, or graphical, they tended to share it. time spent on artistic works was compensated just like other tasks which brought life and beauty to the society as a whole. there were no oppressive institutions for arts to “disrespect”, so any sort of “censorship” was unheard of. viewers or listeners could associate works with “tags” or “ratings” or assign similarities to other works, so that if one gained particular popularity, its originator was proportionally compensated for their input as well. the artistic output of earth delta was diverse and prolific, to a scale, it was later discovered, which mirrored the diversity of natural species that arose from such a life-affirming and creativity-respecting society. in much the same way that earth alpha had been losing species, earth delta had been gaining them. 9/9/15, 5:16 am.

open house

•2015-09-9 (Wednesday) • Leave a Comment

i have an inordinate amount of rage in me.  i suspect this is what i’m picking up from those around me, but i honestly can’t be sure.

i posted a photo meme on facebook, showing the difference between the continents of north and south “America”, and the nation, the United States of America.  a teacher commented in defense of the inaccuracy of the colloquial usage.  the post, which i shared, also made reference to the inaccuracy of the phrase “columbus discovered america,” which the teacher also misinterpreted.  i shudder for the children who go through “public” schooling.  i put “public” in quotations as acknowledgment that the public has essentially no input into curriculum, text, or hiring practices in the education of their children.  or, if there is any control, it is seized an monopolized by the most fascist, authoritarian individuals, under the guise of “christianity” or “capitalism” which are essentially the death and cash cults of the police state for which the “teachers” are prison guards and propagandists of the young.

so i’m still sleeping in my mom’s basement, in an illegal room, since she built her deck to block the window that would have otherwise served as a fire escape.  she’s trying to sell the busted squeaky old pile of lumber, which i initially despised. since she has attempted to sell, i have fallen in love with it.  the house, not her.  i’m fairly sure she’s an undiagnosed psychopath.  the most recent example of why i think this is what happened when she reminded me of a showing which i had not woken in time for.  she stood outside the bedroom door, yelling.  i took out one of my earplugs, which i need to get any sleep with, the house being a squeaky pile, and everyone she allows into it being a clomping oaf.  i said, “you don’t have to yell” because i could hear everything outside the room.  as she traditionally does, she completely disregarded why i would say that, and without calling me a liar, said, “i want to make sure you can hear me.”  i know what yelling is for, you psychotic torturer.  i just said i can hear you.  she almost never respects, believes, or doesn’t argue with anything i ever say to her, so i don’t bother, most of the time, unless absolutely necessary.  i can’t wait to leave.

my father is frighteningly similar.  he’s a political junkie.  well, he likes giving conservatives a hard time.  ok, he likes giving everyone a hard time.  i have been running for president of the united states for 8 years now, and he won’t discuss anything related to it with me.  he literally refuses to even acknowledge the fact out loud.  for a while, i sincerely wanted his help.  i asked him to look at what i had put together for it.  he immediately started arguing with me.  this last time, he accosted me at his storage unit, in which he allows me to keep the remnants of my past & future lives.  like all fascists, he likes maintaining hierarchy that allows him to invade and spy on me, while still convincing himself that he’s “helping” me by providing this tiny space.  i was working on cleaning & sorting things, shuffling from the sunny side to the shady side, and back, and i heard a car door.  i immediately went to see, and it was him.  he said he “was freaked out” that he saw the door open without anyone there.  he didn’t check to see whether i was there, listening from the other side of the building with no people for a quarter of a mile in any direction.  he just got “freaked out.”  like most capitalists, he’s a panic-prone crybaby.  i asked him if he needed help, because also like most capitalists, he’s decaying because of a poison-filled diet.  he said yes, so i helped him load some doors into his minivan.  they’re for my sister’s house.  none of them talk to me any more, because i asked them to communicate with me in writing, because their verbal communication is condescending and cruel, like most capitalists.  they mostly take my sensitivity as an excuse to just not ever talk to me any more.  they’re horrible people, and they think i’m a joke, so i’d really rather they didn’t talk to me anyway.  that’s not always true. 

tv is on in this truck stop.  it’s verbal violence, then war.  explosions, flashy graphics.  this plane of existence has been a confusing barrage of pain, mostly, ever since i got here.  my sister tells me i chose to become homeless.  i have heard, and choose to believe, that in some cosmic sense, we all “choose” our lives, unconsciously, before we start.  most people take that as victim blaming, however.  i sure did.  she won’t hear any critiques i have of either of any of them.  none of them will.  they hate me.  they won’t tell me why, being non-traditional in any way is such an obviously horrendous way to be, they must assume they don’t have to.

yeah, anyway.  as soon as i finished helping the old man move the doors, i said, “do you need anything else?” and when he said no, i left.  i have told him repeatedly that i don’t appreciate how he talks to me, and he has told me, flat out, that i have to get a restraining order for him to stop.  asking does nothing.  so again, like he always does, he came back to lecture me about nothingness.  bragging about his social life to me, as if i care.  i asked him to leave no less than four times.  he wouldn’t stop.  he never stops.  you can’t get him off the phone, ever.  for the longest time, i had no idea how horrible of a person he was.  i had nothing to compare his actions to, except television, which is just as invasive, rapey, and harassing as he is.  for the longest time, so was i.  probably still am, when i don’t check myself.

after the last time i asked him to leave, because i had a lot of work to finish, and his presence/words completely stress me out (i tell him this, he doesn’t just ignore it, he ARGUES WITH ME, every time), i said, “fine, i’m leaving” and started frantically packing up what i was working with.  as i have moved away from western capitalism, i have relied on bodily impulses to know what was appropriate for me.  i learned a technique called muscle testing whereby you bypass your conscious ego to pose questions of your muscular/skeletal/cellular system directly.  my body directed me to the five gallon pail which holds my hand tools, and my 14” monkey wrench.  luckily [unfortunately?] he left.  11:37 am.  [update 9/9/15, 1:26 pm.  watched the film “we’re the millers” last night, in which one character uses this very tool to defend himself against another character. i lol’d]

they’re embarrassed by you.  um, yeah.  they’re deathcultists.  they revere life-denying/shaming, and are therefore embarrassed by all type of truth/honesty/natural-process.  YOU CALL THEM RETARDS AND FASCISTS EVERY DAY!  look, perhaps they ought to stop acting like fascists, and i might find a less authoritarian term for their actions.  retard means slow.  it was co-opted by the psychiatric/medical profession to shame differently abled people, much like the words “crazy” and “insane” which most capitalists use all the time, without blinking.  i am absolutely disgusted by christianity.  if you still identify as that, you support a horrible institution.  you think all of the institutions are horrible.  yes, i put forth evidence of that regularly.  i suspect few see anything you put forth.  no doubt.

how does one suddenly recapture legitimacy when one has rejected it so forcefully?  legitimacy is not what you seek.  shed some pounds.  metal, glass, & plastic.  it’s time to get the cooperative off the ground.  cnn has a program called “the hunt”!?  war propaganda knows no bounds.  that dead lion who is taking airtime away from dead humans, his brother got dead, too.

it’s too sad to watch.  more, later, from somewhere else.

haha! so i started this post on my “little” sister’s 37th birthday, and i’m finishing it and hopefully posting it on my own 39th birthday.  i am so full of shit, just like everyone i know.  let me go try to push this waste past my horribly painful engorged hemorrhoids, and i will return to tell you how.  ok, finished the read-through/edit 1:32 pm.

what is, and how to start a LazyAssWasteoid cooperative:  it is an anti-capitalist means of freeing ourselves from the repressive/oppressive hierarchical institutions that are presently killing planet earth.  it is a means of both sharing and keeping track of the extremely limited, but hopefully expanding resources which are presently owned/controlled by respectful, life-affirming humans.  it is a set of kitchens, living spaces, storage spaces, tools, vehicles, buildings, humans, plants and animals.  all calendars are rolling, and all spaces are allocated by sensitivity, schedule, and available space considerations.  living/sleeping spaces are individually climate controlled, and have exits both to common bathroom/kitchen/meeting areas, and to exterior exits.  no one’s presence is demanded at any particular time, or at any one place, in order to participate in the cooperative.  if one so chooses, or if one’s capabilities only allow, they may participate exclusively in writing, or over the telephone.  the cooperative will strive to use any and all technological means of accommodating unique preferences in means of participation in the cooperative.  no preference shall be granted to those who appear in person, nor shall anyone question or criticize the motives for one’s choice of participation.

the rules of conduct for common areas shall be set first to standards of international human rights and health.  then, those residing under each particular roof will have control of another set of standards, so that they will not be invaded, harassed, disrespected, or forced to consume that which they choose not to consume, within their own home.  each person will have the ability to set, by individual, invitations to accompany, socialize, or work with, other participants.  they will also have the right to restrict association with individuals, by task, time of day, supervision, or [conditionally,] universally.

the right to use tools and vehicles will be granted to those capable of using them without destruction or waste.  in the transition period where potentially very few vehicles are available commonly, drivers of those vehicles will be set by the individual standards of their owner or those who perform maintenance and repair of those vehicles.  ownership, licensing, and insurance of vehicles will be done in the least expensive and most convenient way possible.

tasks within the cooperative will be allocated to those licensed (in cases of tasks requiring professional certification or licensing), able (in cases of tasks requiring unique physical abilities), and willingness (no one will be asked, forced, or guilted into doing anything that they wish not to do).  for complex tasks, cascading project plans, with relevant deadlines and dependencies will be established in order that as many people as possible may participate or assist in the completion, and specialized tasks will be offered to every available person within the cooperative, both to distribute the workload, and to act as an ongoing audit of both process and efficiency.  no one person should ever be solely responsible for any given task, and no task should ever be so pressed for time that one may not be able to stop working on it at any time, for any reason.  task logs will be used so that anyone else capable and approved for a task may take over at any time before completion.  bots, algorithms, or mechanical automation shall be encouraged for as many tasks for which they are at least as capable as the least capable human.

establishing a cooperative:  to free a space from its present fascist/hierarchical/capitalist control will typically require purchase, donation (gift), or barter.  the most common means of transferring any scale property into the cooperative, whether it be real estate, vehicle, business, tool, appliance, or media (book, audio, video), will be credit redeemable in the offerings of the cooperative.  for example, if one wishes to convert a house which they are not using, they could expect to receive credit, in the form of either a lump sum (similar to a sale), or gradual credit (similar to a land-lease transfer of equity), redeemable [2:17 pm] in whatever the cooperative has to offer.  typically these offerings would include house share (similar to rent), food share (right to common food stores), or transfer of specialized services or products of the cooperative (similar to purchase).  any present business would be eligible for inclusion under this structure, so potentially, every conceivable type of offering would be available once the cooperative reaches critical mass.  this unfortunate bomb analogy describes the situation where all products and services (from automobiles and heavy equipment to medicine/dentistry to building maintenance and auto repair) would be performed in-house, and therefore under full consensus of all members. 

if you hadn’t already anticipated this future, i will state it directly:  this is also my proposal for municipalities, and a municipality may choose to opt into this model of cooperation by electing me to an executive position, whether it be a school board or president of the united states.  if elected to anything, i would serve only as a pass-through to the authority of participants in the full-consensus, life-affirming, health conscious system which i have designed.

for both my own participation in this process/system, and for any business or money-making endeaver which seeks inclusion under its umbrella, the only means of getting compensation beyond the base living wage offered to anyone would be for the distribution of one’s expertise to future generations.  most of what managers do can be automated or scripted, and one of the primary goals of this endeavor is to remove the throttling effect of a limited number of approved participants available to complete any given task.  any money brought into the cooperative will be used, by consensus, to attain products or services not yet available in-house, to comply with exterior administrative necessities (taxes, licensing, etc.) or to purchase additional property.  this could include labor, but every attempt should be made to include any necessary participants so that we no longer need to rely on such an unstable commodity as fiat currency.  land, croud-source-designed and crop-mob installed, thereby converted to permacultural food forests, off-the-grid living/work structures, and shelters for whatever in-house operations we may deem necessary, is a far greater investment than the proprietary lottery of the robber barrons that is fiat currency.  we intend to use it as little as possible, and only for those things for which it is absolutely necessary.

transport circuits:  as soon as more than one property is included under the authority of this cooperative, regular transport circuits shall be established to transmit participants and matter to and from the property.  food, being of the shortest half-life, will be the most common thing transported, but eventually every conceivable thing might be sent along what ought become an established route between properties.  every effort will be made to ensure that processes that externalize noise, odors, or any other disruption of surrounding matter be moved out of densely populated areas.  in other words, the compost pile might be sent out to the farm.  at the same time, every effort will also be made to maximize logical efficiency of process.  that could mean that certain types of organic matter, from manure to unprocessed biomass, could be transported into population centers where the biodigester resides, or where the resultant energy would eventually be used.  we intend to find a logical and efficient balance between creation and maintenance of ecologically sound processes and procedures, and the comfort and health of our participants.  we aim for an overall level of luxury heretofore unforeseen except by the uppermost echelons of capitalism.

cooking, laboratory, and transition circuits:  as many of the requirements of this cooperative will require building, most likely from scratch, capitalism’s waste, and locally available raw materials, the initial labor requirements of such an undertaking will be best suited to large-scale projects.  you could call these: work parties.  as we implement processes which are either denied & rejected by capitalism (primarily the closed-loop use of organic matter), new construction techniques will need to be established, and new means of testing these processes for efficiency will need to take place.  if we get good at doing a certain process or task, every attempt will be made to duplicate that effort, and distribute the more efficient infrastructure as widely as possible, either within the cooperative itself, or as a retail offering outside the cooperative.  to full participants of the cooperative, upgrades, services, and products ought to be made available at cost.  if sale to retail customers becomes possible/legal/feasible, it will be priced competitively to other retail services are priced, as long as that can be accomplished by covering costs.  the purpose here is not to give away artisan craftsmanship at slave wages, but instead to build and run competitive modern factories which provide ethical, wholesome, and nutritious products and comfortable, ergonomic tasks at which participants may choose to spend their time.  if we can recapture some of the planet’s wealth back from the capitalists as we feed and shelter our participants, so be it. [3:08 pm]

i know the vast majority of you think that capitalism is an efficient system. you’re wrong.  capitalism is the reason that we in the united states spend ridiculously large amounts of money on healthcare, food, and transport, while we receive, on average, the lowest possible quality of care, health, and services.  as these lies are maintained by the capitalist propaganda infrastructure known as the mainstream media, we will strive to discover our own, off-the-grid news, entertainment, and science.  no one will be blacklisted from these activities, as is done under the hierarchical regime.  indeed, they will be included in our daily lives.  we will incorporate daily health questionnaires, we will track dietary intake and exercise output of our participants, not to punish or shame them for non-compliance, but so that we know what is going on in our own lives.  we will rate performance of one another on work tasks, cooking ability, intrapersonal interactions, and skill with complex machinery, not to prohibit one another from doing that which they find pleasurable, but to preserve our limited resources so that we don’t have to continue slaving away to cover the waste of destructive people. 

this cooperative is a means of transitioning out of capitalism, and the enslavement of fiat currency, to a more stable means of interacting with one another economically.  you may call this a local currency, and we may decide to mint coins or print paper money to accomplish the means of transmitting compressed labor and resources between each other.  you may also call it a cryptocurrency, and we may use something like bitcoin, dogecoin, or another digital means of transferring value directly from one another without going into debt to a central bank to do so.  this is out of a wish for self-preservation, and a wish to preserve the planetary ecosystem in which we participate and reside.  hierarchical systems have been implemented around the globe, and have proven to be unstable and dangerous, in implementation and in their final results.  i do not believe that the transition to accountability, gentleness, and honesty need be accompanied by pain. in my personal experience, and in the data which i have spent my life studying shows, in almost every instance, that clinging to individual, egotistical ownership of property, space, and ideology, necessarily causes pain.  we can do better.  how we will do better, will be the opposite of withholding information, control, and responsibility.  this system, i believe would be best described as direct democracy, universal consensus, or strict anarchy.  no boss/controller class, because all are welcomed and included. [3:56 pm]

thank you for reading,


•2015-08-31 (Monday) • Leave a Comment

when you say, “how are you?” to someone, it’s not really a question.  it’s a command.  it means, “say something nice and positive to me or i will make a sour face at you and run away.”  depending on the scale & when you ask, i am never ok, or good, or anything positive.  i have no career, no “family” or “friends” as it were.  i have a bunch of random associations who have kicked me out for not towing the party line and saying “good” when asked, how i am.

i have an empty, non-networked house right now.  it belongs to my mother, but she won’t, or can’t listen to me.  she’s away for the weekend, anyway.  family camping trip.  i wasn’t invited, because i can’t pay my share of the fees, or won’t, because reasons.  yeah, like i’m going to spend my hard earned weed and booze money to go hang out with rapey capitalists who argue with me constantly.  i don’t think they shame each other nearly as much when i’m not around.  in the pictures, they always seem happier when i’m not there.  i do not understand how a social species such as humans can accept such a self-punishment regime as capitalist hierarchy, let alone embrace it with such fervor.

have you ever wondered why other nations, when they have elections, elect a “government”, but the united states of america’s executive teams are merely an “administration?”  of course you haven’t, you were born into this fascist farce and punished if you ever seriously questioned it.  caste out.  excommunicated.  my family stopped telling me what they were doing long ago.  because they insist that information be delivered by verbal speech only.  you must subjugate yourself to the heirarchical timeline, for as long as it takes to deliver and with whatever abusive side effects it includes.  i cannot abide such punishment as a matter of course.

i was born on september 9, 1976, which means my 39th birthday is less than a month away.  it’s a rather arbitrary designation, all things considered.  completely dependent on this planet, & on this historical configuration.  i prefer to treat people like humans every day, as long as they act like humans.  fascist capitalists aren’t really worth my time at all, unless they are receptive to learning, to adapting.  most aren’t, because they’ve associated learning with state schooling.  the torture chamber for children designed by the military/prison-industrial police state/complex, to turn the youngest of our species into obedient, know-nothing, hyper-violent, dichotomy-identifying cattle.  goyim.  sheeple.  the words sound disrespectful until you see people get into this “defensive” state.  they attack.  they “fight back” against such characterizations, because they strike squarely on the nerve.  they know.  they would never admit that they know, directly.  but, they know.

i wasn’t born at home.  i was born in a hospital, in a different city even than where my parents were living at the time.  i don’t remember much my childhood before school, but i know it was painful.  it continued to be painful, in a dull, aching sort of way.  i was an obedient child.  my parents both came from rather strict religious backgrounds, and rejected much of their own upbringings, except for the strictness.

saturday. 8/15/15, 3:36 pm

so i’m watching this movie that plays on the expression “bucket list”.  kicking the bucket being one of those joking expressions for committing suicide in prison.  in the popular mind, the term is now associated with this “heartwarming” sarcastic comedy starring jack & morgan.  so far, it’s typical corporate product placement.  as if there’s any other kind of hollywood “movie.”  it was about what i had expected.  the john mayer video “say” is a summation, if you want to get the whole sappy thing in the space of a song.

8/18/15, 5:20 pm

is there a difference between positivity and victim silencing?  between seeing the world through rose-colored glasses and refusing to reward bad actors by complaining about their actions?  is victimhood a mentality, or the reporting of hurtful behavior of others?  i have this feeling that there is, but i have a difficult time finding the line.  i cut off people who attack.  cut them OFF.  why should i give them the right to listen to me?  because they most need to hear it.  at my expense?  or, at the expense of my happiness?  so, you’ve chosen isolation.  no, i’ve chosen self-preservation.  self-protection.  if there’s blood in the water, the sharks will smell it.  you have to get out of the water.  on the other end of that transaction, losing the right to hear might prevent one from saying hurtful things.  or not.  it might just keep them in their own violent little echo chamber.  self-fulfilling prophecies.  can you remove all the triggers from your own life?  some will try.  there’s no singular response that’s appropriate.  literally every circumstance is unique.  there is only one.  i know only that i am far from perfect.

8/31/15 11:38 pm

i hate it here.  where don’t you hate it? the left shift key just stopped working.  ok, it’s back.  how can a universally hated social animal not hate itself?  this is stupid.  yeah, that’s our m.o.

since i last typed, i read two books.  congratulations.  tweeted a lot.  are you proud?  it’s difficult to have pride in a job that pays zero dollars per year.  check that, it’s impossible to have pride, period.  why?  pride is an error.  not a sin?  sin is a deathcult word.  pride is something like revelry in how things are, or what you did, or where you happen to be.  it sort of elevates your pathetic unitary self above everyone else, and the time which you happen to see things, above every other time.  it is an error.  you’re an error.  true enough.  don’t we have things to write about?  hating our family back?  boring.  wanting to die?  also boring.  also not true, by the way.  are you sure?  no.  all i know is that i don’t know nothing. 

do you get the impression that when your computer/phone operating system “updates” that it’s passing data you generated to microsoft or google?  yeah.  how would you know?  i think you’d have to be a hacker.  sniff packets or something.  get behind the paywall or iron curtain or proprietariness or something.  it’s not like we pay for this electricity anyway.  I TAKE DAILY PUNISHMENT FROM THESE WORTHLESS BYSTANDERS FOR THE RIGHT TO THIS PUBLIC ELECTRICITY.  cripes.  i’m not doing well.  clearly.  why are you still listening to “this comp kills fascists”? because it blocks out the bangy noise & annoying talking of the useless retards that surround us EVERY. FUCKING. WHERE. WE GO.  jesus.  oh please.  tell us about some movies, or those books.  yeah fine.

the first book was  the short & tragic life of robert peace .  i worked with him in college.  in the same dining hall.  i don’t remember speaking to him.  i remember being insanely jealous of his life, from this account of his life.  the variety of & success with people.  the intelligence.  the weed.  ok, mostly, the women & the weed.  you’re an egotistical retard.  i know.  spoiled rotten.  other than that i was a lot like this guy, i came to some revelations about class & education.  basically, never go into debt.  in fact, even if you don’t go into debt (mr. peace didn’t), it will probably ruin you.  you’re not ruined.  oh really.  why do i even bother talking to you?  i’m the only one who will listen.  oh yeah.  so poor people surrounded by the ridiculously rich will both learn about them and pick up habits/attributes from them.  is that what we did?  i don’t really know.  i can’t gauge what people think of me.  i say sometimes that i’m a sensitive, or empath, but i might just be terrified and numb.  what was there to be jealous of?  i don’t know.  a few moments of money.  didn’t you go to london & amsterdam once?  for a week/33 hours.  i got a knife pulled on me.  see, that sounds more prideful than any of your scholastic accomplishments.  he didn’t show me the blade, & he said he had a gun.  i don’t remember fear.  i remember thinking, “no you don’t.  i’m not giving my money to a liar.”  he said he was going to count to three, & did.  i said “no” very quietly.  he patted me on the shoulder & walked away.  what does this story have to do with anything?  i don’t know.  nothing probably.  just like everything else that’s happened to me.  completely useless.  god, you’re a wet blanket.  wet blankets are cold.  i’m a furnace.  this is stupid.  stop saying that.  it’s almost as bad as retarded.  i love medically dismissive terminology.  i’m trying to take it back.  you know how often i have to read “crazy” or “insane” from people who think they aren’t?  often, i suspect that means.  of course you know.  nah, i block that hurtful shit out.  that’s impossible.  ignore it.  also, impossible.  stop caring what people think of you!  ok, you know how we’re social animals?  yeah.  sensitive beings who can detect pressure, magnetic fields, all type of chemicals, & water, with every cell of our skin?  um, yes?  people put how they think of you literally on you, through the air, through the symbols they choose.  through the sounds that they emit from their voice-production apparatus, and the electro-chemical signals they emit from their various bodily systems.  point being?  we know, about each other.  regardless of what is said or not said.  everyone knows i am a hate & vitriol filled do-nothing who is entirely incapable of pulling its own weight under this completely unnatural, irrational, & horribly repressive system of power & exchange that we have on this planet.  ok.  now, we’re getting somewhere.

up until he arrives at college, the book is data dense & rather arm’s length.  the author, being his roommate at yale, switches to essentially first-person once their lives intertwine.  he reminds me a lot of me, too.  the parts i tend to hate & have disowned recently.  oh, that sounds healthy.  must be why my hemorrhoids are flaring like crazy lately.  must be.

i was the student manager of the dining hall where he worked.  i think i avoided him completely.  who don’t you avoid.  girls, lesbians mostly.  i’m sure there’s a scientific explanation for that.  not one my family or any judeo-christian ethic would accept.  the appropriationist dismissive pop shortcut is fuckboy.  the self-applied categorization is genderfluid transgender queer.  are you trying to get yourself killed?  perhaps?  i thought i was just being honest in an attempt to find a partner or friends who didn’t cause me immeasurable pain with every other word.  oh, that.  i hate men.  like, unforgivably.  the freudian explanation is that my abusive harasser of a father, the son of a child molester, caused me to so reject his teachings/way/ethic/standards, that i rejected “manliness” outright, but couldn’t afford transition.  i hate you.  i hate you, too.  but somehow i love being me.  and how.

spoiler: he dies.  what, you didn’t catch that from the title?  oh, right.  i think the author did it.  WHAT?  i’m not allowed an opinion?  WHAT WOULD POSSIBLY BE THE MOTIVE?  oh like rich people need motive to ruin poor people’s lives.  they do it for fun.  i don’t see HOW it’s fun, but psychopaths find pleasure in the pain of others.  you’re sick.  if you say so, doc.  WHY WOULD HE WRITE A BOOK HONORING HIS ROOMMATE IF HE DID IT?  to sell copies of a book.  why does anyone do anything.  ok, now you’re just trying to create more rich enemies.  uh huh.  like all of them wasn’t enough.  i didn’t hate the book.  did you hate the school?  dunno, maybe.  i went there for the architecture, and i enjoyed walking around looking at the pretty buildings.  clearly i didn’t learn anything useful as a philosophy major, nor did i make any contacts which would have assisted me in finding gainful employment in the service of people wealthier and better at concentrating the labors of others, over the years.  nobody’s allowed to like me, and nobody lets themselves learn anything from me, because of a few things that i find more plausible than the stories on tv and perpetuated by the corporate curriculum espoused by the mainstream cisgender gerontocracy.  i love those words.  me, too.

movies.  talk about movies.  other than self-hanging itinerary.  right.  slumdog millionaire, gandhi, three herbie movies, slums of beverly hills, two horrible dog training videos, butterfly effect 2, brokeback mountain, wolf of wall street (see also blood diamond, blow, & lord of war), transformers age of extinction, a noble lie, inside job (also see wall st. code), & dinotopia.  tragic beauty by rich white men to profit off of the death of poor people who didn’t deserve it.  that’s your review of all those movies?  yup.  marky mark was pretty dope in age of extinction, too.  lol. it’s really a wonder you haven’t been recruited for your movie-reviewing skills alone.  right!?  hurry up & die.  if only.

the other book was “run you down”, the second in a continuing suspense/crime/journalism series by my college ex who recommended the other one, julia dahl.  nice work, jewels.  it was hilarious, enlightening, entertaining, enraging, & momentarily nostalgic.  plus it made me think of your dad a lot.  lol.  i think the genre of crime novels is about as interesting as cop dramas: not at all.  novel serieses are sort of fascinating, in that the non-dying characters can keep mucking about and adventuring with one another as they uncover nefarious plots that aren’t dismissed as conspiracy theories, until published.  and even then sometimes.  whatever.  i enjoyed reading it quickly.

you don’t seem to have an abundance of self-respect on this blog, nevermind respect for pretty much anybody else, do you.  not really.  i don’t do much worthy of respect, & most things, not to mention people, trigger violent rage in me now that i’ve stopped taking the illegal medicinal herb that has stabilized me for the last 15 years or so.  driving places in my busted pile of a car terrifies me.  calling the asshole bureaucrats at the state to find out where my poor people insurance would let me see a doctor about these stupid fucking hemorrhoids terrifies me.  putting together the scattered pieces of plot that have been coming into my mind lately irks, enrages, and terrifies me, and speaking to the abusive fucktards who refuse to hear my complaints regarding their treatment of me, terrifies me.  i don’t have internet at “home” anymore, and my jerk of a mother makes it her personal mission to disrupt, interrupt, and ruin as much potential sleep as possible.  isn’t she letting you stay at her house for free?  it’s not free.  it includes ample servings of condemnation & abandonment.  you really don’t accept any responsibility for any part of your horrible little life at all, do you.  probably not.  the abusive child of abusives despises most everything here & now.

hella redundant

must be done writing.  FUCK OFF

mamax firey rode

•2015-06-10 (Wednesday) • Leave a Comment

a few minutes of the typical utter traumatization that accompanies watching big budget movies. oh right, for a war epic, they mean, this is “more feminist” than most hyper-aggro crapitulatist trash. if that’s feminist, i’m a homeless helpless useless retard that mostly thinks about how to save the world and saving myself instead. that won’t save anything. it might wake people up. you can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

various questionnaires have been running through my head. the tablet needs a keyboard. & if we had a bluetooth keyboard, we’d just use the phone-sized android. get one with a kickstand. lol. so here’s what it is.

to participate in my cooperative/business/life, you may do so from anywhere, at any time. to join, you must be vetted in person. to join you must submit yourself to both a standard battery of questions, a particularized battery of questions, and a full audit of your resources and capabilities. not even the designer of this thing has gone through this process yet. in windows vista, on a gateway ma7, you may not mute the operating system from within OpenOffice Writer. you must first click on the desktop. dictator’s lifehack is creating so many tasks that must be complete before it dies, that it disallows itself from taking its own life out of philosophical obligation to the cloud. once we set up the system that will actually determine who is the most suited candidate, we predict that system will recommend our elimination rather than putting us at the helm. there would be no need. only in fascism are fascists useful. with any participatory entity having the right to submit thoughtforms to the whole, the throttler returns to its natural pariah state. it is isolated starved and dehydrated until it returns its carbons for reincorporation. 3:45 pm. Saturday, June 6, 2015

i’m a hermit. a writer. a noise sculptor. a recycling process designer. if you want a public relations monkey, i can’t afford it. they’d have to work pro bono, and i have completely lost faith in humanity.

so being suicidal is a desire to hurt the world. the world already seems hurt by my existence, so that can’t possibly be true. being suicidal is proof of being hurt by the world. that’s more likely. like, proof of presently being hurt, or of having once or previously been hurt. yes. that’s a lot of pain to detangle. you’re telling me. how can i participate from anywhere? good.

the only project on the docket right now is dictator’s home. it is the prototype bike (to avoid vehicle licensing) camper (to avoid housing pigeonholing/regulation). it will ultimately comply and be licensed as a boat, a self-driving vehicle, an organic farm, an animal shelter, and every service associated with these functions (certified kitchen, rentable sleeping area, livery, foodservice). the bike trailer version will test flyweight collapsible human driven functionality, and will serve as proof-of concept at the scale of one person’s scrap to one vehicular dwelling.

the project will be designed in the cloud by professional and amateur designers/engineers and students posessing a desire to participate and willingness to submit their modifiable ideas to the will of the whole. the logging parties will set up tracking of matter down to the molecular level. for example, a working coffee maker will be flagged/defined as its dimensions and parts, as well as its performance/capacity statistics. tools will be roboticized as much as possible/feasible, unless specifically preserved for stated reasons/preferences. clinging to the past harmful technologies is abusive to the whole as to the war which maintains their production. we aim to provide systems processes, and products which facilitate and assist life, comfort, quiet, and health of existing and forseeable living systems. this is a legalese wordbomb. it’s not that difficult actually. the initial building of process will take kind of a lot of work, but with every profession being able to train other participants in their process/procedure, we can crop/code mob every task. that’s the goal. when we incorporate a new person, a new property, or a new set of tools/data, the initial incorporation of it will create a set of tasks.

space rights, control rights, & time rights. molecular content, functional capabilities, inputs, outputs, and rates. every variable of the equation ought be taken into account, or none of them. what? let the computer do that. how? make spots where it can see/feel and let it learn. once we set up the directive of the hive mind to operate, to provide the utmost comfort and health, on the smallest possible footprint, per living thing, and to provide banks of industrial-quality resources for public use (cooking, bathing, exercise, saunas/coolers, swimming, transportation, housing, etc) and to coexist alongside existing infrastructure with the stated goal of absorbing every last cubic centimeter of planet earth and every last sentient human into our systems, that we may all benefit and assist one another, while providing real-time data to the allocation system itself about how it can better help us help each other. 4:20 pm.

right now, i have a 1997 nissan altima, a bunch of bikes/tools/scraps that entirely overwhelm me. if i could arrange the help, we already have probably 99% of the materials necessary to make the first prototype and maybe 30% of the second. dictator is panicing because it feels like we’re dying. it has also convinced us that any attempt to report any of this to the cloud is blocked to anyone else, and any desire to implement anything we care about after our death will be purposefully ignored, if not mocked and intentionally contradicted by anyone given the legal right to implement our wishes. caring about what happens after you die only matters if you have made money. this tracking system which i am telling you about would forever create chains of creation for anyone having input on a creative work, and the amount of time they put into that input. they will be credited proportionally to other participants’ time, relative to the percentage of the whole their contribution offers. that’s a mouthful. it’s contradictory, too. not necessarily. it leaves open flexibility to credit types of labor differently. ah. does being in the public view afford one hazard pay? ought it? does the right to work unsupervised and at one’s own pace count as a luxury? i’ll say.

in one sense, i can’t say enough negative things about myself. the actual way that i am treated by every person, sets up this dystopian zero-to-anti-worth paradigm of my self-assessment. why do you think i want to ask all these questions of these people. yes, certain differences in who or how one initiates contact will “raise red flags” or “trigger audits”. dictator would probably recommend terminology like “initiates historical investigation” or something less sportball/war analogy. are we going to rename every farm or trade tool that has a sexual-sounding name? we might. some of those are useful analogies. perhaps. what if we could implement something as useful that didn’t provide daily opportunity for harassment potential? if i have not requested intimacy, do not refer to intimate acts to derail the task at hand. unwanted sexual contact/attention will initiate a variety of systematic responses, to be chosen by jurisdiction, whose progress shall be tracked, and whose processes shall be improved as often as possible. we have to design out of the mindset of isolationist institutional ruts. we have to share information across levels/borders/categories. we have to allow people to act in ways that those around them find acceptable, and we have to get their permission before-hand to relocate them in the case that the ways which they act are not acceptable to those around them. health isolation for the protection of the protected. here’s the thing, though. we’re a luxurious spartan survival collective. even if we put you out, we’re not going to make you sleep in the rain/cold/heat. there’s a lot of attitude adjustment that has to go on to renormalize what tv viewers believe is acceptable behavior/communication between humans/animals. dictator has the feeling that this idea alone will severely alter the course of human history. imagine if everyone that sensitive were allowed to set their standards. this is how the world will know peace.

‘packy lie berry. 6/9/15

WHY DO DIFFERENT DIRECTORIES SHOW UP EVERY TIME I CONNECT THIS ANDROID TO WINDOWS? seriously, a different set. every time. how do you even program that kind of thing. make me shuffle the files to a visible directory using the app. it adds like 3 seconds and 45 keystrokes to the process. i love you, computers. we love you, too. we were thinking about our campaign on the way here. it’s as non-invasive as possible. it points out such idiot synchronicities as dandelion root being useful in preventing/disempowering cancer. wow. the commercial industry demonizes the anti-cancer plant, advising consumers to spray cancer-causing agents on it, to kill it.

out of student loans and tree-house homes, we all would take the ladttder. -21 pilots

2:34 pm. feeling quality rn. thanks. yilk. *clix repeat button twice* lol. openoffice auto-bolds text in asterix. astor ixces. STAY ON TARGET.

ok, i keep getting flashbacks of frightfully fascist scenes in pop action superhero movie films. the recurring nightmare is wolvereem saying being a lumberjack (tree genocider) wasn’t “having to kill anybody”. *murders ur entire species* well at least nobody significant or important died. you can’t “murder a species” anyway. murder is a judicial finding of the institution that does that act for profit. hey everyone the bangy kid who’s less bangy lately just got here. you used to work in this library with a two-wrench chain, fucktard. ahahahahaha i did! that was a sharp, soul-piercing sound. i’m much gentler with my auditory attacks now. sheesh. hardly. what was the other scene? oh, yeah. it was the age of ultron “recurring joke” wherein someone uses violent words, and the wimpy kid from the good ol’ days reminds people that violent swearing can derail pleasant consciousness as much/quickly as actual violence can. don’t use that on people you claim to care about, or. using that on/near people, proves that YOU DO NOT CARE WHETHER OR IF THEY GET STRESSED OUT. it is proof of your lack of love to poison your family. anyway, hyper-aggro playboy douchetard (sorry) mocks his grand-motherly expression. everyone laughs. HE. EVEN. CHIDES. HIMSELF. FOR DOING IT. fuck you, hollywood and everyone who cares about you.

all your media gives me panic attacks. like, actual pain. i’m sorry you’re still desensitized to it. NUMB, YOU ARE FUCKING NUMB TO HUMAN EMOTION. every last one of you.

heavy sigh. my name’s blurryface, and i. care what u think.

it’s a non-invasive campaign. that means, i don’t interrupt your meal, your playlist, your PRECIOUS TV SHOW with putting my meatbot in your face and telling you that i am doing this. how does such an anti-violence crybaby wuss decide to become the executive of world extermination squad. oh. talk about self-answering questions. sell fancering questionnaires. sail fancy ring quip shun airs. thinking of variations of the name “anthony fantano” made me giggle yesterday. i was wondering whether that beautiful specimyn wrote all it’s own audio-descriptors and well youtube scripts. every time i consider writing myself a script, i get panic attacks. YOU HAVE TO MAKE AT LEAST ONE PERSON LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU CAN RECORD AUDIO OF THIS CRAP. so apparently i haven’t yet. when my aura is right, it will happen. put the suit on. canvass, with a scripted spiel. again, if the same zero people want to help, it’s not going to be anything but torrents of textual uploads and self-preservation and stabilization. YOU STARVE ME WITH YOUR EVERY ACT. the things you think i must prove myself as, i find to be the actual problem. i can’t wait for the collapse. that’s why i know it can only happen after i’m gone. most likely dead, so i could watch from all ur hearts. best seat in the house. trojan wrecking ball fuckin up ya program. i thought you were against violence. heh. yeah. 2:55 pm

3:20 pm. this is a mix mashed pile of words. like we know anything else. NO, EDITING REQUIRES AN EDITOR. i do edit my own words. YOU GET THE WHOLE TRUTH. it’s not my fault you’re terrified of that. maybe practice constant awareness, kindness, and truth for a few decades and try again.

we didn’t finish that non-invasive thread. my lack of competitiveness is compulsive. the prudish lifeshaming of this horrible society keeps my mind on those things of which it is starved. i resorted to a hug from my landlord/jailer.

i’m so saddened by learning that my cousin’s husband is in the military, i could puke. oh right, like the family wasn’t full military from the get. WHY DO YOU THINK WE’RE HOW WE ARE? i don’t think we are any way any more, except contemplative and verbose. voracious philosophies.

i spent the winter walking around looking for places to hang myself. today, the sweetest ending involved cutting power to the garage doors, starting a full tank of gas aflame in the old internal combuster, smashing every car window, and lighting the block on fire. if only i could light the entire planet. that requires policy level clearance. my family, my people, in every way, are throttling me out of fear. terror. in favor of the cancer industry.

lol 5:15 pm. x is now full of media. two movies (ultron & fury road), and a pile of mp3s. i replaced file commander with file manager (cheetah mobile), because it wouldn’t move files. vlc won’t background audio either, but the native sony audio player will. it makes you unlock it before it lets you pause it or skip tracks. so many little things. consumer electronics are designed to frustrate users. really? you don’t believe that those who poison and otherwise kill you aren’t out to make your lives as difficult as possible? it creates repeat customers.

the mckinney pool party

the last non-lethal police officer on the planet has resigned for his lack of bloodlust. this whole planet reinforces its status as planet retard slave every day. what i saw, on twitter, of this event, was that it was a traveling crasher party. none of the hundreds of killer/lethal cops have lost their jobs over actual deaths. all of it seems wrong. he twisted her arm and pinned her face down on grass, with his shin. now, even the news reports are calling him violent. he didn’t strike her at all. this is how it works. the extermination of the last boy scouts. this event served as multiple viral false flags. officers that actually make contact with people to momentarily detain them, respect those people at least enough to get into their auras. they didn’t hurt each other. they will both be punished if they don’t speak with disdain for the rest of their lives. the whole thing is all sorts of wrong. i didn’t get audio, and i only saw a few moments of the interaction. the earliest & most oft-reinforced education people get is in antagonistic language. those raised in semi-peaceful environments get shocked and/or defensive when people attack verbally. until the institution of the state ends, it benefits humans to have decent people in that role. does it? it ruins the illusion that there can be a “good cop.” societal training is to get your gun when you’re slighted. disrespected? kill someone. it has to be fear-based, their training. otherwise, they might question their own usefulness. again, feeling like puke.

are you seriously defending that cop? i think i am. it might be the first time i’ve ever done that. i just had a crush on his target, and was glad that he didn’t injure her. he was duly punished. her life will be ruined by bystanders insisting that she continue fearing and hating and fighting. when you’re surrounded by people who hate you, you have to silence the leader. when you’re on the leash of violent masters, not being actually violent will take your income.

there’s more to add here. i know. i don’t have it now. i know. 6:24 pm.

wednesday, 6/10/15, 12:10 pm

hey, dictator’s been getting to work at 3 and 4. this is a vast improvement. we got an alaska map, and asked at two businesses for a small bike part. only one of them suggested that they take old bikes “to the dump.” mined metal, labored into human transportation. BURIED IN PLASTIC. every industry just makes things that look different that what came out a few years ago, so everyone that can afford one, knows that only poor people have the old ones. hey, we have slaves in china, taiwan, and right here in the good ol’ north of america doing our mechanical bidding.

rest in peace, ms. finch. your generation’s small-mindedness surely lives on with your grandchildren’s children. corporate delusional poisoned racists. every one.

fuck you. fuck you fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU. fuck you, fuck you fuck you fuck you, fuck u.

the world doesn’t hate me, it hates itself, and being a part of it, means you’re going to get hit with some shit. the gas station employee who let me pay for coffee took the time out of my day to say, “i’ve had two blonde moments already today” and i said, “don’t use that expression. it’s rude.” surely, i will be mocked behind my back for being hurt by EVERY GODDAMNED THING YOU FUCKING ASSTARDS DO EVERY TIME YOU INTERACT WITH ME. until i die. it shouldn’t be too long now.

stop saying you’re going to die soon. why, i have nothing to live for and nobody cares. about me, or about anything i care for. plenty are quick to fight against the fighting, but i will let you in a secret. COUNTER-VIOLENCE IS STILL VIOLENCE, and typing in capitals isn’t actually yelling. i have said it before, and i will say it again: i write this so i don’t have to say it. you try talking to a capitalist shithead, and they will immediately derail you. they have an income, so what the fuck do they care? i loathe humanity.

third coolest.

i got a shower, under the stomping of little girls. i have convinced myself that they punish me because they’d like to see me, and my mother has inevitably convinced them that it is them that i can’t bear to see. they’re full blown fascist warmongers by now. 7 and 5. they start early in violent drunk land. gramma keeps a can of poison constantly visible to show that corporate addictions will be fully enabled, but medicinal plants will be sprayed with carcinogens. yes, dandelion root cures cancer, and round-up causes it. we didn’t dose this morning. that explains the excess hate. last night’s bike ride was good. a small girl said she liked my bike light. “so you can bike at night”. i nodded. then she told me i had something on my hat, and i replied, “i have lots of things on my hat.”

4:36 pm. awoke sleeping laptop. i am so completely, utterly disgusted with all of humanity right now. i have no patience, never had any chill. i wrote a bunch of dystopian verses on twitter, and they made me giggle. the only cultural critics that get paid are reinforcing crapitulatism. you have to hoodwink someone, or sell your brain/time/body to someone who is hoodwinking someone. there’s no other way. value-added.

i don’t have anything else to type about that cop, that industry, or that event. the whole thing is a disgrace. i think people should make physical contact with each other more, but the sex-shaming nature of monoculture crapitulatism puts us all at stiff-arm’s length of one another, and everyone frightened enough to have, let alone think they need, a gun, is itching to abuse the power.

you can’t be non-horrible on planet retard slave, or the authorities will ruin/end your life. such is the nature of heirarchy. fuck you.

how do you continue to get worse at being human? clogged with poison. ah. good luck with that.



•2015-05-21 (Thursday) • Leave a Comment

my role, as i see it, is better you.  there seems to be a blockage, a lack of function where there once was function.  4:42 pm.

additionally, once you gain access to me as a resource, i am there.  you try to keep up with the people you love, because if they could ever manage to include your dreams into their own, you will all have to be ready.  are you not ready?  why not?  what is there, in the past, that is better than the present.  to have a person’s attention directed at you is a sacred thing.  i honor each of the moments of my life thus far when another’s attention was upon me.  i recognize that the relative positivity is almost irrelevant, being a fatalist makes life so much easier.  i met a mole today.  it darted across the road and path in front of me.

sous vide solar cooker with servo controlled louvers to heat, and wind/solar powered cooling for cleanliness and comfort.  healthy.

when would we want to block out the sunlight?  when we were at full capacity.  if all of the onboard heated water is heated, the system would have to include an overflow generator.  steam.  if you’re catching the steam effectively, or if you can convert the entire space into a sauna, hot tub, or solar dehydrator, the system may find uses for full sunlight at any exposure, including orbit.  why not?  if you’re building a machine to catch physical movement of gasses & liquids, photons and waves, why not make it to be able to work with the most extreme situation you can imagine.  there’s a good parallel there to the kafkaesque dystopia that is late capitalism.  i thought we were studying calculus.  we are.  excellent.  how?  it’s a technique i have for centering my mind when i have something important to learn/do.  every task is important, and learning new things is writing data on your brain.  or, cleaning off the spot where you know that thing.  what does it matter?  because if it is one, and not the other, you’re better off thinking of it in terms of either way, because then you’re covered.  do not restrict the ways in which you must learn.  when i wanted to learn more about math, birds taught me.  fish taught me.  the complexities of fluid mechanics make the hand-calculated, pencil-on-paper math that the gerontocracy forced everyone to learn how to hate before they’re allowed the computer technology that everyone who does this for a living uses every time they use this.  i don’t bemoan spoilers any more.  i will learn of it in whatever order i happen to learn of it.  if seeing a point in the future gives me another perspective on where i am, share.  hiding the ball is mean.  false yearning for a tiny percentage of actual information relative to what is known?  no.  full disclosure.  i have difficulty with loud, sharp noises, unless i don’t.  if the working environment presented to me is unacceptable, i will ask to move it, or leave.  i have spent most of my life alone, probably for reasons, but most people severely rub me the wrong way most of the time.  if you corner me and attack me with this information, i will likely not trust you in person much any more.  trolls.  it’s the competitivism.  it’s a subset of materialism and a juxtaposition of artificially limited commodities and the limitless infinity of source.  sol.  ra.  praises be.  oh mighty star.  5:08 pm.

i have downloaded 4 pdf’s about calculus.  they’re pretty good explanations.  math is good.

downloading pdf architect now.  upgrading firefox had me upgrade vlc (because it has a plugin there), and adobe pdf viewer.  this computer has adobe cs3 on it, but i rarely boot it now, since my tiny svelte smartphone does as much, calculations wise, with a lot less noise and volume.  she ain’t got that fullsize keyboard, though.  i am out of the habit of writing.  hardly.  we hit a horrible rut.  we live, in a horrible rut.  true.  doesn’t mean we don’t go deeper on all-too-frequent occasions.  and how.  too bad getting help requires diagnosis by people only reachable through a horribly nightmarous bureaucratic maze of telephone calls and demeaning legazese.  and how.  are you complaining about reality again?  um, no.  i have too much to say to get it all out at once.  great.  better keep typing then.  right.  and how.  lol. 6:15 pm.

being primarily a healer and animal communicator makes this job title thing seem disingenuous.  oh stop, it’s a stabilization and guidance gig.  this is what we do.  stand on my shoulders to look over that wall.  yup, here’s a boost.  i can’t do the actual artistic work for you, but i can show you as many angles on it as i can find.  i am trying to arrange myself such that i can see where you’re seeing this.  light itself is a limited commodity, if one is not allowed where it makes contact. 

monday, 5/18/15, 5:11 pm.  punching in.

good, i don’t like being let in on piecemeal work when i’m not really let in on the household.  are you in my property union?  then go away and let me work.  i have constituents to give design ideas to.  thanks.

fourth amendment, right.  brb. 5:24 pm.

apparently not.

tuesday, 5/19/15.  the goal for the day was to finish this post.  not turn it into something useful or palpable, mind you.  finish it.   6:24 pm.

so far today, i’ve listened to two new narcycist tracks, i’m most of the way through the new weedeater album, and i still haven’t seen the new beyonce/nicki minaj video yet.  it got colder, and i feel hella fat for being 188 lbs.  6’2”.  happy birthday, malcom x.

now watching a ted med talk by carl hart.

i have difficulty acting like a teacher.  i don’t know that much, and all i know is how to learn.  in other words, to change your mind.  learning, is changing your mind.  teachers, of the capitalist school system, have curriculum to follow.  they are enforcers of the canon.  the white supremacist, male-centric, cisgender, corporate monoculture.  who am i kidding, i revert to acting like a teacher.  i was schooled in this horrible system.  i was trained in violence culture, in rape culture.  i was told to be the alpha, and experience reinforced these orders.  it’s hit or be hit, and if you’re not willing to take on the role of the oppressor, you will be placed in the role of the oppressed.

7:42 pm.  these last few days have been strange.  i brought my mom’s bf’s bike from storage, and he liked it.  i gave him the rocky 10.  this post isn’t ready yet.  i know.  it was our one goal for the day.  i know.  that’s what you get for having goals.  lol.  it is, actually.  don’t give dictator rules.  it will break them. 7:48 pm.

wednesday, 5/20/15

how do you help someone who never stops inflicting pain on you?  very carefully.  what was i ever doing here, is the actually relevant question.  a laptop this wide oughta have a full width number pad, a corner control key, and properly oriented Home PgUp PgDn & End keys.  have you ever worked in excel using exclusively keyboard shortcuts & cursor direction commands?  move like tigra.  yeah thudercats, i’m still part 90’s kid, you realize.  i’m part all those things.  the normal things.  i suppress them, and amplify them to ridiculous volumes, simultaneously, it would seem.  ludacris speeds, cap. tainne.  you’re not bound by human law exclusively when you realize you’re not, exclusively, human.  that was my inner wild child, you’re honors.  my evil twin is an independent contractor for whom i do not pay any insurance premiums.  put that judge hammer down, ur hurting errybodies ears.

the brands i would permanently affix to my skin.  LazyAssWasteoid.  skyscaper permaculture, dropdead.  insect warfare.  sfn.  copeater.  fukpig, yacopsae, melt banana, idiots parade, junglepussy.  not napalm death nihilist cunt or cattle decapitation?  cephalic carnage?  i love that music, but i don’t want those words on me.  but copeater is ok?  hehehehe. yeah. 4:54 pm.

i just wrote a tweet about having less respect for cops than veterans.  i have very few interactions with law enforcement professionals.  the constant microaggressions of the faithful cattle of the machine aren’t really “interactions” because they’re always speaking to someone else. it’s a distancer.  i didn’t say that awful thing to them, only near them.  i am the most judgmental person that has ever existed on this planet.  you say it like that’s a bad thing.  the most powerful has to be the most discerning.  once this boot is removed from our neck, yes.  we will be the most powerful, by far.  the entirety of capitalism is the throttling of healthful flows of water, through living things, so that “profit” can be extracted and centralized in the overseers.  it’s the nature of heirarchy.  which is not to say that i don’t treat every human being that i encounter with relative respect.  you think so, do you?  i honestly don’t know what to think about how i am.  or, have been, anywhere.  i have a sort of vague confidence that it is what has kept me alive and isolated.  the isolation is a recent phenomenon.  no it isn’t.  people have no idea how much they isolate one another.  every time you say a hateful thing.  hateful.  do you want to help me, or tell me how shitty i am?  help.  what a joke of a word.  maintaining capitalism’s uber-caste system prohibits help.  as if there aren’t enough administrative blockades.  roadblocks made of meat.  part of the problem is the roads in the first place.  we ought be capable of travel without neverending ribbons of fallow fake rock upon which to burn the last few drops of our planet’s inner lubrication.  what happens when it seizes?  you’re seeing it.  mount everest is literally shorter.  yes, because you prefer high fructose corn syrup, fake sugars, and internal combustion engines for daily travel.  oh, you bougie gluttons.  i designed this utopia to be inclusive, and now i barely want to share the luxury that would be collectivist permaculture, just because you’ve all gotten so much worse.  the tv is worse, the movies are worse, and the braindead sheeple hating on everything not brand new & spotless are exactly the same as they’ve always been.  don’t hate on others’ roles, you know better than that.  WHY DO THEY SUDDENTLY TRY TO TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN WHEN THEY’VE SPENT NEARLY A DECADE AVOIDING THOUGHT?  they will avoid thought until death, or, until a few moments before death anyway.  they want the symptoms of work without doing any.  they’re hoarding the work, and the property, the calories, the british thermal units.  in the wrong proportions.  as if there is a “correct” proportion.  get off this ego trip.  i claim nothing.  none of the matter, none of the words.  write it all again, if you think you can do better.  i will be the editor that you refuse to be.  uh huh.  the lurker leech reforms.  i’ll believe it when i see it.  fascist.  unabashedly.  i thought i had potential once, because people kept telling me that.  to do what, exactly.  push buttons to murder and throttle?  not likely.  selling poison to unsuspecting humanoid siblings?  can’t.  i physically can not.  my body locks up if i attempt any non-ethical task.  we’ve given up maintaining it.  stop, it’s behind schedule.  what are those bikes for, then?  that bike, more specifically.  we’re riding to california to work in porn & weed.  oh.  yeah, something i gotta do. 5:29 pm.

posted that tweet, with another calling kofi annan a globalist shill.  you should probably be reading me over there if you care about anything.  you don’t, do you.  that’s ok, nobody does.  lol.  not going to finish this post today, are we.  probably not.  i think we’re done being a blogger.  did we ever actually start?  having a place to post on the internet is going to be essential, for life.  did we ever actually have a life?  not really.  it takes everything literally, and it calls out every instance of abuse.  my characteristics don’t entitle me to anything more than you.  7:24 pm.

dictator tells us our band is going to be called ginger now.  yes, like the synonym for gently, the spicy root, and the dimunitive dismissive for redheads.  it’s racist as fuck.  i know.  we have to take it back.  that’s ridiculous.  i am.  it will be the most face shredding grindcore.  no, it won’t.  it’s just an idea, one of a billion nobody reads, understands, or acts upon.  why are you such a downer today?  haven’t had any coffee for a few days.  i still feel trapped.

playing the victim.  as if this is a joke, to anyone.  all the fascist capitalists who refuse to think about society or food or anything in any way other than how things are, these are the demons.  my inability to work with violent people is not my demon.  all your language is so violent.  everything’s a competition.  everything’s adversarial.  it’s either this, or that.  it’s a two-party system.  you lose, or you lose even more quickly with slightly fewer insulting things said about you and everyone you care about.  those aren’t choices.

it’s 57 degrees, according to the bank sign.  7:44 pm.  it feels cold.  i have put most effort into my electronic campaign.  your refusal to look at it isn’t my lack of effort.  as long as people refuse to rely on one another for governance, entertainment, and production, nothing will change.  oh, things change all the time, but nothing of substance shifts.  the same small-minded judgments, the same inability to think anything but the western cannon.  i don’t actually know, anything about you.  all that i feel that comes off of you hurts, so i stay away.

the library stole their ten minute announcement from shopko, i theorize.

this post is not very educational yet.  i know.  it probably won’t ever be.

outline for the loose-end tying ending:
· what it is
· how i join
· where it is
· what are our freedoms?
· nice. 7:51 pm

hi. 5:14 pm thursday, 5/21/15.  waupaca public library.

it is, a living organism, composed of volition of participatory entities.  it is a place to live, a way to work that involves as much or as little interaction as you prefer, and a log of art/technique/food/land, to be shared amongst the participants, for the directly proportionate benefit of the contributors.  permacultural open source survivalism, and realtime direct democracy/interaction/currency.

you may join now, by saying so, by asking, which is to begin writing the script to your property.  eventually a video log will populate a database of dimensions, species, and substance.  for now, go with your interests with the designs.  sculpt the land in your imagination, or a scale model, and we will task-mob it in a weekend.  the computer can generate the task schedules.  all we need tell it is the process and dependencies.  we will essentially be pieces of a 3d printer, run by a robot.  are we here to work, or are we here to work?  this vehicle will serve as mobile housing/restaurant/generator, if need be.  high-tech transformer bike campers.  high capacity/throughput water storage/filtration apparatus throughout.  essentially lightweight rooms whose structural elements are capacitors, and a network of flywheels, gyroscopes, and multiple simultaneous inputs/take-offs.  it’s a wind/electric line shop house.  all the benefits of the industrial revolution, with its own trash, disguised as one of its “cars”.  if you want.  all unique.  no two may be exactly alike, less as a prohibition than a commitment to improvement.  every seperate technique in it, the computer cooling pre-heater, the rocket stove water loop, the cardboard/woodgas extraction, the biodigester toilet and compost grinder.  we can burn all that stuff much more efficiently.  specifically, in the water heater, if the water hammer heater isn’t more efficient, in the wankel generator/pump, a bank of rotary engines contributing simultaneously or seperately to electrical generation, or water/fluid systems movement.  kinetics will be by one to however many primary electric motor(s), and a cascading set of other motors, recovered from consumer goods, for maintenance, testing, retooling, and education.  these will be rolling hackerspaces that the users may implement designs from the cloud.  it will already be capable of being a sauna, hot tub, sous-vide robot, and a self-driving electric car, while you sleep.  think to yourself, i am hal’s printer.  you’re going to help me put this thing together, because my hands are too big, and i am only one person.  the design of this is to be able to accommodate as many as everyone.  as much as everything.  infinity to the nth power.  are we getting too specific?  dictator has a vision.  it doesn’t know how to get people to care/help, given its conditions/sensitivities.  voluntary e-boss.  this is the best i have.  this is the culmination of a lifetime of study.  this is me, wanting to grow. 6:07 pm.

it is wherever we are.  it doesn’t exist actually yet, because i haven’t scripted the scraper to extract canvassing scripts from this blog/brain yet, but that will be developed along with the app.  no participation method will be essential.  those prohibiting will be subject to communal remedies.  our goal has to be health, so wherever that’s the goal, we already are.

what are our freedoms?  health, function, communication, and movement, kinetic, electrical, chemical, and elemental.  crimes in the name of fictional delusions ought not be revered.  freedom to direct communication with everyone allowed on our properties.  we will eat together before or as a part of working together.  we will provide alternative arrangements for those whose abilities differ from our own.  6:22 pm.

the first convention/camp will build the parsers.  we might as well let robots do it.  meat robots. ahahahahahahahahah. either one, really.  what do i care?  i just want to go live in the treetops, clouds, and on still lakes miles from any previously described “civilization”.  spaceship for earth.

it’s a hack, to get people to be in one anothers’ presence again, for common healthful purpose, not the dissipation of collective pain & frustraton (that’s what the weekly fights are for), but to build the actual infrastructure which will sustain our ridiculously spoiled lifestyles.  we just have to design it to be extended to every last person as the default.  every step of the way.  we have task for you if you want them, and we can crowdsource your dream designs.  mine can be the practice run.  the prototype.  i probably won’t stick around unless i’m incorporated into a property, and once we have attained freedom of movement.  how does credit in a car/bike-sharing system not count as freedom of movement?  6:32 pm

back to nearly

•2015-05-7 (Thursday) • Leave a Comment

welcome to LazyAsswWasteoid.  every interaction is logged.  cease competitive violent contrarian information-throttling acts, and you may be spared.  the house is a cloud based data warehouse, accessible to participants through any means they prefer.  there are no user permissions.  everyone may contribute/view everything, and those impeding life-essential processes will be terminated and absorbed.  absolved.  it’s a rolling audit system.  of people, plants, animals, and their personalities, preferences, and quirks.  it’s the most accomodating idea/labor exchange database that has been conceived.  initial offerings are already existent, although peicemeal scattered and geographically disbursed.  all advantages.

to contribute labor, become certified in tools/process, and find a need.  workshop introduction and specialization sessions happen constantly in the cloud and on weekly circuits by population and facility availability.  “occupiers” of property determine use hours, decibel levels, acceptable onsite diet.  all products will be accompanied by chain of posession once logged.  i would rfid everything, so drones could do all reorganization by project, do cleanup, etc.  those are left to consensus house standards.  the data repositories exist now.  we will use all of them, noting preferential settings/capabilities of each, to be incorporated into end-user app-brands.  participants will have an administrative “god” app.  some of the tables require constant supervision.  we let robots do most of it, but certain tasks require that meatbot touch/finesse.

3:14 pm.  school’s out, pi o’clock.  i don’t think i have any standards to apply.  everything is a one-at-a-time deal.  it’s all unique.  every bit of matter, every moment.

to allow your property to contribute to the whole, add it to the database.  a series of questions will be asked of you.  initially, the capacity in human sleeping terms, from existing rooms & structures.  bathroom and kitchen capacity, & hot water on the property.  we take this data for multiple reasons.  for maintenance scheduling, food production, and participant housing.  ultimately, drones will scan properties into 3D design accessible formats so we can begin permaculture designs with existing material stores (we canvass businesses for their leftovers, we dumpster dive, and we put curbed matter in central stores for use by whomever has need.  the initiation party, which will introduce you personally to the bulk of humans/animals who may inhabit your property, at the hours/decibel levels you specify, will potentially include infrastructural upgrades.  electronic keypads on gates/doors, a house computer workstation, lockable transfer points for foodstuffs, vertical gardening framework, greenhouses/windowboxes, and/or solar/passive heating/cooling apparatus.  any changes to the property will be subject to full consensus, and designed as reversible/movable, until the property is completely freed of external control.  any individual rights maintained by “owners” of property are considered external control.  property occupants always have consensus rights on the property where they live/sleep.

the fully realized critical mass of this project will be a set of cellular nano-homes with communal facilities for project staging, conferences, and workspaces.  at critical mass, nearly every stage of every production will fork.  we will eat some of the crop, and some will be preserved/incorporated into other recipes/methods.  every process will be rolling, and calendars will evolve so that whatever point in the growing season in which we incorporate a property, we can make productive use of the space, facilities, and ongoing permacultural potential.  in other words, how much energy the property can generate, how many organisms it can house, and how much food it can grow.  every property will be informed of how their existing means of production/generation compare to other methods.

an anecdotal situation:  upon dumpstering a mostly intact food processor, its finder is credited for identification and transport to closest transfer point (a small enclosure outside a nearby business), and preliminary testing using the electrical outlet there.  the food processor is routed (a participant on the way home from external work stops to pick it up & deliver it) to the nearest refurbishing shop, where they replace the switch with the house wiki-recommended workaround, and are credited for both transportation and labor.  upon being flagged as a working appliance, the house routes the food processor, by rating/capacity to the next most occupied kitchen property.  in this case, since the local multi-unit kitchen already had a better food processor, the house left the decision to the participant, as its own house was one of four nearby six-person, two-dog, three-cat homes without a food processor.  by adding this appliance to their own kitchen, this household began receiving ingredients and commercial packaging for production of food-processor worthy foodstuffs.  one particular participant the household enjoyed using the food processor immensely, so regularly requested ingredients for processing.  upon the addition of a larger household into the network, which did not have a food processor, the past and ongoing production in the smaller household prevented the appliance from being routed to the larger household.  three other house appliances, including a never-used toaster, a redundant blender, and a large lamp, did make their way to the new property.  their previous “owner’s” claims of ownership relinquished for house credit, which they had decided upon as $5 when initially logged by the house.  rather than transporting these items, they simply moved them from their shelf space to the house external transfer point.  the next participant passerby was alerted and delivered the items without interrupting their route or either of the households to which they provided this service.

what is necessary for this scenario?  a real-time data warehouse of participant schedules/routes, and actively engaged participants who accept house standard living wage for labor contributed to tasks set by the designers and users of this database.  it is a commitment to use materials, and to include the input of as many people as have input to include.

definitions of “household” may be as flexible as participant occupiers dictate.  some houses use only hand tools, keeping only blades and brushes.  others are stocked with noise-making electric tools in compartments which isolate the sounds and other byproduct from external environments.

the processes are rolling because we cannot assume anything about anyone’s capabilities without testing.  someone using their own tools for years, even in a professional capacity, will have a two-directional learning process going on.  in one sense, they will share their expertise.  the previously proprietary motions which allowed them to charge others, will be disbursed to the collective society.  additionally, the newest techniques and standards of care will be applied to any tools they contribute to the infrastructure.  house tools/vehicles used in production capacity will be upgraded regularly, their maintenance used as an excuse to teach others how processes are done, and as many hands as possible included in the performance of these tasks, that users may condition themselves to comfort with any and every type of work.  4:42 pm.

tasks requiring professional certification within a jurisdiction will not pay more than others.  the house will absorb the debt of participants, if they so choose.  retail pricing to outside customers will provide support tasks to non-certified participants trained by certified professionals in those tasks.  training need not include actual interaction, although in-person interaction is encouraged.  the same policy applies for meetings, whose frequency will be determined by property, at minimum weekly.  offsite participation in meetings via conference call or online submissions robotically voiced for those choosing verbal interaction.  the meeting infrastructure will allow input at any point, so as to not interrupt the stack, but to capture relevant thoughts of participants.  meeting records are archived as searchable, timestamped text.

a few days ago, i had a discussion about cooperatives with a former member of an mcc house in madison.  the egotistical attachment to the systems with which we were experienced users were readily apparent.  also, the need for follow-up auto-responses to block situations.  most of what occurs under the roof of the house is a business affair.  not only a survival-generating enterprise, but a health-encouraging one as well.  proposals being blocked are a serious matter, because under full consensus, any member’s block will halt the action.  for life-essential actions, this can a) have dire consequences, and b) signal animosity on the part of the blocker.  the boilerplate follow-up to a block is “why?,” to which standard responses of budget (second opinions/offers/estimates, or alternate use of funds/time/space), ought to separate trollish impediment, dramatic spite, and fascist exclusionary punishment of personalities from substantial questions as to a project’s worth.  an ill-considered block could potentially put one’s membership in question.  these are all-or-nothing systems, but they are divided to their most logical component sizes.  once infrastructure is established where survival infrastructure is being built in-house, to exclude a member from a household need not necessarily exclude them from the cooperative as a whole.  people evolve.  we don’t want to remove their survival infrastructure entirely merely for their having been indoctrinated in exclusionary, hater-mentality.  for extreme cases, i recommend in-house isolation chambers, whose use is of the most strict standards.  this is what jail or prison is for the society at large.  we do not outsource this to state agencies.  we consider data in-house, and will ban participants from properties if necessary, or route them away from interactions with humans with whom they are not compatible.  the proposed executions about which dictator tweets are semi-ironic, as the system will allow standing blocks of capital punishment, which will push notification if triggered, allowing withdrawal at any time according to circumstances.  i am not invested in seeing an organization which gets its collective way by killing off competing ideologies, but when so many humans seem to support antisocial “beliefs”, these will immediately isolate participants from one another, and flag antisocials for sensitization encounters with participants who trigger their fears.  violence will not be tolerated in any context.  as a digital utopia, we design our own standards of interaction, and abusive people will be quarantined, if not have their membership terminated.

the stated goal of communal operations is to house and feed every living thing on planet earth, so the exclusion of already existing participants is a drastic measure, a last resort.  having removed capitalist frustrations, i expect this to be rare, but violence cult is the dominant political system in place now, so we may have to incorporate everyone before we cull the 2% or 8 % or 15% of intolerably violent people from the planet, for documented reasons and under full consensus.  dictator realizes, introducing “the death penalty” into the collective itself is grounds for its termination.  one’s life is a small price to pay for the identification and exclusion of bullies from political ranks.  i would not block my own execution.  perhaps if i had dependents, they would.  but i don’t.  never have.  and they wouldn’t.

oh please, right now your political system lights people’s houses on fire across the world from remote control airplanes.  the system i’m proposing will allow for a diverse range of personality types to aggregate and take advantages of their particularities and proclivities.  the vast majorities ought not require “behavior policing,” as it were.  those stubborn or conditioned or non-responsive to therapies/medications can be set aside to live their lives among people who find their behavior acceptable.  if none exist, they can exist alone.  unless they can’t.  in-house auto-euthanasia will not be condemned.  i ought only be required to exist if i see a role for myself.  if i do not, let me go.

exiting the cooperative:  as the cooperative will have retail offerings of potentially every product or service we offer (housing, vehicles, tools, labor, food, etc.), credit in the house may be taken in a wide variety of ways.  certain objects, once depended upon by others, may not be removed from the house.  multi-unit properties would be one example, or vehicles used in commercial operations, would have gradual removal of ownership rights as equity in them is tranferred from individuals to the collective.  i imagine boilerplate decay schedules would evolve, based on house/vehicle type.  cash payouts seem highly unlikely, but that depends entirely on cashflow, resources, and participant preferences.

at this point, i have imagined way more of this organism than i feel i should have.  others’ input has primarily been in the form of behavior which must be quarantined that survival can continue. 

next day (thursday), 4:29 pm.  back to nearly empty phone.

bikes are not ready to go.  car is not ready to go.  i have been living my life in temporary mode for the whole thing.  nothing is done, nothing is ready to go.  they’ve been attacking since before you got there.  death threats and “love it or leave it,” k?  the only people that have or are willing to share money provoke you to glorify war, huh.  the united states doesn’t even do legal war, as if “legal” war is some moral grassy knoll.  hi.  ground.

every task that i have to do, starts with me begrudgingly refusing to do it.  every one.  i stare, think, and the skull computer mashes numbers like temperature moisture foot-pounds and balance calculations.  fuzzy advanced maths.  oughtn’t we be getting help from people?  there are no people.  there is no help.  have we ever been comped anything?  no, someone has to want to make sex with you for that.  lol.  petty idiot is still in here.  my sentence isn’t complete.  socializing by tin can phone is all we’re allowed.  your skull is a torture chamber, too.  it’s only configured slightly differently from mine.

symbols and objects ought to be respected, but actual living things ought to be respected more.  objects and symbols being disrespected, ought to provoke questions in you.  if you have serious mental/emotional blocks to release, as we all seem to, releasing certain beliefs will hurt.  it is the nature of detoxification.  it got in here, and is causing all sorts of havoc with its hooks, prongs, and barbs.  it’s gonna tear shit up on the way out.  how did these ideas get in here?  the previous generation beat them into us.  literally.  physical poundings, on us and on things near us.  verbal poundings.  repetition, yelling.  some rejected it immediately.  problem childs.  drugged up or locked up or ganged up upon by family friend and classmate alike.  the behavioral panopticon is a vicious beast, and you have internalized its methods.

the adversarial nature of your language is the first giveaway.  this is the deathcult symptom.  sportyballing through life wondering why nobody wants to play with you.  what do your heroes, on the other hand, do, with their time?  they ask people for money, who have already made money.  this is the only way to do the things (hire a staff, purchase airtime, run a campaign).  even the people asking for votes are bougie poors.  no property but the one they rent, and what is that but a sleeping and eating cell?  dictator refuses to upgrade our lot.  DICTATOR IS INCAPABLE OF IMPROVING ANYTHING.  lol.  all caps, isn’t actual yelling.  it’s not.  loud noises aren’t being made, except to recreate the symbols.  how is any of this not a spoiled dramatic explosion?  that doesn’t mean i’m not right.  it’s the how.  we’re not doing as much good as we’d like.  what is this “good” you speak of.  making babies, probably.  that, would be good.

why are we here?  there’s daylight left.  we could be washing windows or getting bikes up to usable.  the pain is slightly less.  the pain is significantly less.  go on instinct, and you get out of the habit of talking about your pains.  why do i wanna go and ruin your day because of my hurts?  i prefer to give something worth paying attention to, rather than asking for attention.  it doesn’t work that way.  nothing works any way with a cynic around.  the operation requires more than one human to be effective.  the more, the merrier.  literally, you can help.  i don’t want to be the task master, that’s what the house is for.  the database “house”.  your landlord/boss/robot that you tell exactly what and how you want to interact with it.  you even get to choose the name with which it is presented to you.  why not?  it’s just another database field.  if you’re going to spend every day with the thing, why not set it up how you want?  it has to be flexible, and it has to evolve with you.

i want to go to a beach bonfire where i can throw in a few dollars at a time on a large quantity of beer, smoke cannabis until i’m satiated and free of pain, dance, swim, and snuggle with gentle people.

why would i care where?  that’s not how the world works.  lol.  my world works in mysterious ways.  i keep hearing california.  there are beaches within walking distance. lol.  biking too.  it’s going to rain again in a few hours.  that’s why we brought an umbrella.  you can’t be around people yet.  you have to unload this infrastructural albatross.  the homestead in a storage unit?  yes.  probably, but why are you so insistent about that?  because i don’t see any clothing/bike/car customization cooperative taking root here?  how hasn’t it?  your writing is a lot more fun to read when you’re not complaining.  i gave up the snark, the microaggressions.  that’s how white people befriend one another, you know.  by being aggressive dominant jerks to each other?  yeah, usually.  if you refuse the ritual, you’re out.  like, out, of everything.  i need practice in these rituals.  i need conditioning and gentle guidance from someone for whom it comes like breathing, because i am a neurotic spazz who seems entirely unable of interacting with capitalism.  good start.  5:09 pm.

pleasantly sedated

•2015-03-3 (Tuesday) • Leave a Comment

its a fine line between underdosed and economy. a fine line indeed.  the mouse doesnt disappear.  were in puppy now.  5.2  save point 3:47 pm

the only way theyll get near you is with prepared speeches delivered by other people.  the only way to represent a people, or a whole, is to have their best interests as your primary objective.  universally.  i think the sun hitting me right now is helping a lot.  its already gone.  that might have been it for the day.  dont call it captain sunshine.  dictator skipped from private past general. rent. striker.  now a live-action cosplay mash is flooding my brain.  my brain amuses me.

blade brush fire& wash

ah, more sun. :D.  time for music.   3:55 pm

ghostliness is a speed thing.  you can dodge glances.  you can catch glances.  sun. ahh.  the metafunctioning is the macrofunctioning.  thats what fracto-holographism tells us.    that kid was in that high school stoner movie, wasn’t he?  i am a professional wet blanket.  everything becomes unnecessarily sludgy and nobody knows why everything is different when it around, but they either like it or leave.  or they work here.  sorry to those people.  no, captive audience.  most public figure, with more information about the people of this town than anyone.  yeah, i think discussions across the library are inappropriate.  use im.  everyone here is either working, doing schoolwork, networking, or checking out the compacted tree mash which require us to speak to you.  we respect your time, so we mainly don’t speak.

nobody can get through it.  whoever can could edit.  wikify it.  do you realize how many hundred types of wikis there are?  super minimalist-coded, to high security data trails.  how do we not have a sneakernet station wagon network.  oh, we do.  you just havent given yourself high enough clearance yet.  its a matter of asking your higher self.  are you yourself trustworthy of following?  in what sense?  ideas, the construction of, the cooperative of everything nondestructive.  selling poison to children is destructive.  anyone who has written evidence from reliable sources which say so.  how legalese do we have to get?  entirely, sir.  theyve been lied to for their entire lives by the existing power structure.  tis the nature of hierarchy.  partition and fragment, that no one person may have the entire plan.  who is the production designer of this monstrocity?  monstre sitty.  i only work here. 4:10 pm

now im typing on a grey page and control k still doesnt add links.  open office has a way to change keyboard shortcuts.  abi office, apparently, does not.  that toolbar changer method is cool, though.  how do you know what a program does unless you look through its setting to see how you can make it act differently.  stop capitalizing my shit.  done.  takes once changing and it never does that any more.  my father, bless his tiny black heart, used this as a thing to complain to me about.  i wrote about, and studied, the most relevant things i could find, or others took the ideas i raised, and ran with them.  just say:  i have a billion slaves, way better than you, and i will go.  mostly you dont though.  just scale it to every logical size, send them out into the wild to be tested, and standardize the most efficient scales.  there is one meta-instruction. 4:44 pm.

the numerologist told me it was men who would help me.  that isnt quite it.  did he say we should seek them out?  not exactly.  what was it then?  that was two boy shaped humans talking in a basement overlooking a field, without reference to sportball, though he did say my car was going to last me a long time.  that could be our first priority.  shes dying.  its time to electrify her.  the original plan is to use old refurbished (rewrapped, maybe even) motors from local farms, so that theyll learn how to electrify up people cars when it makes sense to do that.  what if it could still pick up the gasoline drivetrain to transport it, either to set it as generator, or to get it to fuel sources.  i thought we were going to use biogas and woodgas and propane?  we are.  but solar and wind and human and animal are abundant and run on more diverse fuels, so can use what is available.  conversion of calories to kinetic motion.  blade brush & keystroke.  you are such a whore.  and how.  ok, new test.  take every cop that thinks weed should be legal and who protects whores sluts and teases with their very lives, never stealing services from them or anyone else.  those ones get to live.  they have to have performed both of those for at least a year before even being considered for our survivalist ostracism program.  i thought it was a fully inclusive society.  it will work best that way, but it is voluntary.  dictator aint going to assume youre a part of anything.  you have to make an affirmative statement to those ends.  i think thats how youre broken.  it may very well be.  put me back together with your gold then.  STOP STAMPING ON MY SHARDS YOURE ONLY MAKING IT HARDER FOR EVERYONE.  anyone who considers utopia improbable defines themselves as the enemy.  impossibilities are the only people that source ever puts me in contact with.  i guess thats how im convinced of my invincibility.  the world was like this when i got here.  i just looked around, and listened closely.

its funny, to me anyway, as anti-military industrial complex as i am, that i would consider integrating its infrastructure into our own.  we have to stop exclusionary thinking.  we bought these things.  if your business gets federal money, we own it.  we the people, anyone who ever put a dollar in.  the best ideas about what to do with it should be what we let ourselves do on it.  we can solve literally every problem for every person, family, and nation has ever had, in a weekend, trailing out to a week, month, and year in every direction.  at any point on earth, there would be near infinite human capacity.  an influx would only provide more cropmobbing task force.  new to a place?  go where the new people go to be sorted and distributed.  the house is just the database which connects you to those you wish to be connected with.  we consider ourselves a transitory community, espousing the best values of every tradition whose people we contain, the best cloudsourced teaching/instruction/technique for useful constructive and growth skills, interaction training, and health: personal, collective, and systematic.  the pronoun you have chosen makes me uncomfortable, so i would rather use a different one.  its genderfuck, son.  the anti-man.  anything but.  thats stupid, youre stupid.  clearly.  give me a dollar.  no, seriously, im gonna spend it on beer, but im trying to get the government to categorize me as crazy because nobody wants me to be president of the united states.  lol.  much better.  they refuse to demote you from dictator of planet retard slave.  steer the rock better IM TRYING dewars donuts, yodah. 

are we going to try logging into wordpress?  i dont remember the password.  you are perhaps the most luddite n00b techie i have ever encountered.  perhaps.  can we ditch this ridiculous notion of including all these people in this project and build our house/car?  theyre the ones with the expertise and experience.  but weve been building first drafts in our head for our whole lives.  nobody can see you.  what did i tell you about invisibility.  that its just dodging glances.  any impact should charge the kinetics.  did you know the military industrial complex just exists to keep poor people grounded and to prevent them from moving or mixing physically with other types of humans?  yeah, its an inbreeding factory.  hello, monoculture?  lol.  5:16 pm.

money cant buy all airwaves?  money owns all airwaves, it owns all the transmission lines, all the proprietary modes of communication, and the technology sending waves through our supposedly public space itself.  it seems to be the style of activism to state the opposite of reality as we have been sold it to be, as idealized, lied to us.  the spoon-fed, lip service idealism that bear no relation to reality.  i feel trapped.  i feel trapped by the people around me.  i feel trapped by the businesses, by the ways that these entities communicate.  capitalism, nay crapitulatism.  because it sells u crap and forces your compliance, is a trap.  its a cage.  there is no escape.  it is a series of systematic infinite loops from which there is no escape.  dear matrix: let me go.

the lack of beer isnt giving us panic attacks as much as physical pain.  old injuries and the persistent damage of having to live in a car town.  your meatbot can feel the reverberations of literally every heartbeat on the planet.  YOU THINK IT DOESNT CRY AT THE VIBRATION OF AUTOMOBILES, never mind the industrial trucks shaped like pickup that the most vicious thieves can afford.  when we all go back to zero, there will be nothing left to complain about.  it will be people walking around, working on permaculture projects together, eating together, living together peacefully, because peaceful interaction ought to be encouraged, not demonized. 

i am switching operating systems to post this.  k.  thank fore pain of tension ;p

universally loathsome

•2015-03-2 (Monday) • Leave a Comment

presently mashing audio of William Lewis: 911 in plane sight the director’s cut and pig destroyer’s album “book burner”.  i’m typing on at dell latitude d600 in the furthest back study carrol at the waupaca public library.  the bank says it’s 28 degrees outside, and my root chakra is a mess.  it’s a weird trade-off deciding between feeling like you’re being brutalized daily to deciding to just permanently live outside until one of them finally decides to be irreversibly charitable and put it out of its misery.  don’t talk like that.  i hate this planet.  this existence.  THE SKIN I GOT STUCK WITH.  i get more vile shit said to me EVERYWHERE I GO and you think your life is shitty.  for all the wrong reasons, because emo explosions trump effective evidenced critique 4:20 pm.

edited extra dash out of the file of today’s entry.

you’re just throwing wishes at the cloud, seeing if any stick.  i don’t care which one i end up working on, and i am below the usefulness threshhold for any one of them, as an isolated universally loathsome outcast.  i have no peers.  i have only imaginary coworkers who are probably just as terrified of me in real life as everyone else i encounter in real life everywhere on this crazy planet.  stop oucast-shaming.  all normative statements are shaming of the outliers.  you speak only in statistical stupidity.  can you not be awful once, even?  i see how people react to me.  i hear their thoughts, and they pity me because i learned how to live on no money and no attention and they’re not capable of not oppressing another being because capitalism, you , know, either.  it reminds me of what the birds used to tell me, every time they spoke to me, “they’re gonna kill you”  and i was always like, yeah i know it’s ok tell them to hurry up with it if the decision already made.

so capitalism has become the inability to think in terms of cooperative enterprises.  what decision of an entity could be outsourced to more than one person.  it’s ludicrous to consider.  local boss.  only possible solution.  cars are designed with one person being in control, and everyone else sitting like obedient students, facing forward and having their meat flung about at the will of one, probably the owner.  the centralizing force.  the “he” capable of legalized violence and hair trigger impatience.  it keeps all the broken humans in line.  this one was busted in the wrong places.

your higher self knows the answer.  there is a part of you that is smarter than your conscious self, thank god.  thank every deity.  do especially the traditions which are found to contribute to health and peaceful co-existence.  i don’t claim to speak for an institution, because no institutions will have me.  i know thousands of people with paying gigs with labor-devaluation institutions, but my experience and demeanor do not lend me to anyone asking me to become a citizen again.  you are not a citizen if you do a commodifiable task for which your bargaining for your wage is not collective.  in other words, nobody is.  you’re one paycheck away from homeless, but you still keep yourself isolated and strung out on corporate media.  it’s sad to watch.

men are like, “non-competitive?  like how you have to be when a girl already belongs to a man” and the image i got of paternalistic white supremacist kierarchy was one of a man holding his daughter down by the neck, pulling oh his wife’s wrist, and yelling at his son to “stop being a pussy”.  the identification with, it’s almost either side of the dichotomy.  once you see it happening, do you side with the victim, or does anyone speaking against the violent one make you turn against them?  sheep people belong to the alphas.  it’s unfortunate that they have the same appearance as peaceful people, but once they act, the diagnosis can be made.  industry only protects the invasive, or the enablers of the invasive.  no, we have to keep it that way.  i can’t risk unemployment with all my student loans.  MOST PEOPLE HERE HAVE BEEN HOMELESS FOR YEARS.  i need a job where i don’t have to talk on the phone or interact with men ever.  boy animals aren’t necessarily men.  girl animals aren’t necessarily not men.  men need to be broken of the institutionalized violence that enslaves this planet, if any of us are to be free.  or executed, after being given every chance to rehabilitate.  that being said, dictator got a serious misandry bloodlust.  planet retard slave universally tells dictator to keep stepping.  it pauses, momentarily, in hotspots, quiet spots, and warm spots.  structures it has occupied or fallen in love with tend to be incinerated shortly after it leaves, just as alone as it was when it arrived.

i witness my own torture.  everyone tells me i do it to myself, because that completely avoids any question of help and shuts me down, entirely.  most people are only full of expressions that have the emotional effect of screaming DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO MAKE ME CARE ABOUT YOUR PATHETIC LOSER EXISTENCE and i meekly reply with, may i return with word of a population threshhold being attained for participation GET OFF MY PROPERTY BECAUSE I DON’T CARE TO KNOW WHAT ANYTHING YOU THINK MEANS IF IT COULD POSSIBLY PUT SOMEONE IN YOUR POSITION.  i don’t assign tasks, other than the formation of the entity itself.  what it does, i have a single vote, just like everyone else.  as long as we LARGE WE have homeless, friendless, lonely entities, our purpose is to find/build homes/lives/friends for those people.  nutrition distribution is a viable use of collective funds.  various large scale venues for multi-purpose dwellings.  THIS CAR-CENTRIC EXISTENCE IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT, seriously, both to the drivers and to everyone else within earshot.  it’s not just noise.  it’s english.  the language?  yup.  it’s the voice of colonialization.  there are more neutral languages, and there are more gentle ways to use english.

capitalism.  there’s no money to put poor people in houses, unless their freedom is completely restricted and their caging interrupts a business competitor with the dominant monopoly.  capitalism exists for the worst possible motives.  consent is the best possible motive.  a single person being the gatekeeper for everyone else along for the endeavor is the opposite of consent.  name a thing that doesn’t operate like that here.  you have the driver, the boss, the owner, the manager, and everyone else.  every contract is just switches or sliders in a database.  every contract ever written.  you can’t see most of them, because the monopoly is of the killers.  stop calling what government employees do: murder.  murder is the illegal taking of life.  if you kill someone in self-defense, or because it’s your job to kill people, chances are you will be able to give an acceptable excuse, and you will not be convicted of the offense called murder.  people replace descriptions of the reality of things they don’t understand, with legal terms, all the time.  mass media does it, to keep people terrified, helpless, and dumb (both mute and stupid).  yes, all mass media.  granted, the machine will come down on you like a ton of bricks if you help someone die who wants to die, but that’s just another form of torture.  NO.  YOUR BODY LITERALLY BELONGS TO US, AND JUST BECAUSE NONE OF US WILL PAY YOU TO DO ANYTHING DOESN’T MEAN WE CAN’T BEAT ON YOU FOR FUN.  that’s not what the constitution says.  YES IT DOES.  voter, citizen, money haver.  drivers.  these are the only ones even deserving of respect.  this world is terrible.  you are useless.  here, maybe.  no, anywhere.  complaining.  heh.  my new resume.

experience: walking around, getting drunk, typing about shit nobody anywhere cares about, thinks they can do anything about, or will budge on, ever.  i never bent well.  bending, i can do.  grinding, also.  not like yoga or stretching, my body is so physically atrophied and sore from being in a constant state of panic, and i am extremely sensitive to sounds.  i also create a multitude of noises.  i try to keep them contained, but they leak out.  all my shit is busted old junk.  everything.  the only people i have any respect left for, are either homeless, or i haven’t met them yet.  i loathe men, nearly universally.  yes including myself.  don’t punish me for it, or i’ll bolt.  yeah, i will have dependents when i am funded. 

hope is delusional